Team-Up (Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Jam)

For the jam issue, we're gonna be doing things a little different. Each of you will only receive the script to the page or pages you are drawing, and also, you will receive very little, if any, direction on what characters and settings should look like. You'll all receive the same information on that, but will never see an actual design, except for pre-existing characters who have been used (Metaman, XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass, etc.). This is done very much on purpose and just roll with it. Don't worry about your design looking like another artist's. Just draw what you think looks good. Also, I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to each other about the project (well, or anyone other than me for that matter). I want you all in your own little world when you're doing this, which is why you're only getting the page(s) you're drawing and not the entire script.

Metaman-THE superhero. We have pics of him already.

XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass-Another pre-existing character.

Urban-From KICKSPLODEURBANACTION!

Döden Från Ovan-a Punisher-esque vigilante who flies.

Deliverance-the hero of the south who teleports.

Senorita Soulless-Goth Latino woman with the power to punch people in the soul.

Gorkus-Their enemy, a huge alien space creature that's hoping to burrow to the Earth's core to lay its eggs.

Panel 1: Splash page, widescreen style. A shot of Metaman from the chest up with XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass beside him.

Metaman: Alright, line up, assholes.

Title: Team-Up (Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Jam)

Credits (which I'll give you in full detail when the art is all done, Elias, so everyone is credited for what they did)

Panel 1: Metaman and XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass are standing in front of a line-up of superheroes. This includes Deliverance, Senorita Soulless, and Urban, plus a bunch of other heroes, some cool, some losers.

Metaman: We need four heroes for a team-up to fight some cosmic invasion or some other bullshit.

Badass: Christ, I've seen better superpeople getting cats out of trees.

Panel 2: Metaman stares at them.

Panel 3: Badass scoffs.

Badass: Fucking agents.

Metaman: Whatever.

Panel 4: Metaman walks up to Urban.

Metaman: Yeah, what can you do?

Urban: Travel in shadows and fight very well.

Metaman: Get a better costume.

Panel 5: Metaman walks back to Badass.

Metaman: I'll take Deliverance, Senorita Soulless, and . . . Urban, I guess.

Badass: That's only three.

Metaman: Yeah.

Panel 1: He turns back to the group of heroes.

Metaman: You three, go with XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass. As for the rest of you . . .

Panel 2: He has this look of disgust on his face.

Metaman: I didn't pick you because you fucking suck. Give it up. Losers.

Panel 3: Metaman flies away, while Urban, Deliverance, Senorita Soulless and Badass stand there.

Urban: Where's he going?

Badass: Shut up the fuck up.

Panel 4: And now we have Döden Från Ovan sitting on a couch, drinking a beer.

Ovan: Fuck off. I don't do team-ups.

Panel 5: Metaman is standing in front of him.

Metaman: Come on, I need someone with some skill on this. I need "Death From Above".

Ovan: That's Döden Från Ovan. Learn my name and maybe next time I won't throw you out.

Metaman: Fine.

Panel 6: Metaman raises an eyebrow.

Metaman: JJ said if you do this, he'll take you on and put you on his top five clients list.

Panel 7: Ovan rolls his eyes.

Ovan: This better work out better than that Tragic-Man fiasco.

Panel 1: Döden Från Ovan is pointing a gun at XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass' head in the middle of a field. Metaman, Urban, Deliverance, and Senorita Soulless are watching.

Ovan: Don't you fucking tell me what to do, shit-for-brains.

Panel 2: Metaman turns away.

Metaman: Please.

Metaman: Stop embarrassing me. We're superheroes.

Panel 3: Deliverance walks up to Metaman.

Deliverance: So, uh, what's the plan, Metaman?

Metaman: Do what I say and don't talk to me.

Panel 4: He looks back at the group.

Metaman: You're here to make me look good, so don't fuck up.

Panel 5: Urban comments to Badass, who really doesn't care.

Urban: What an asshole.

Badass: Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up?

Panel 6: Metaman is looking up.

Metaman: Be ready.

Panel 1: Behind view of the group, looking up as Gorkus comes down at them fast.

Panel 2: Urban begins arguing with Metaman.

Urban: What? Kill it? Shouldn't we just try and direct it elsewhere without harming it too much?

Metaman: We want to dissect it, moron.

Panel 3: Urban just shakes his head.

Urban: Jesus, I can't do this.

Soulless: Pussy.

Panel 4: Metaman rolls his eyes and in the background we see Badass about to nail him in the back of the head with a baseball bat.

Metaman: Someone shut him up.

Panel 5: And Badass hits him in the head with a baseball bat.

Urban: UGNH!

Badass: FUCK YEAH!

Panel 1: Badass stands over Urban's body, holding his baseball bat, in a field with Metaman, Deliverance, Senorita Soulless, and Döden Från Ovan standing there.

Badass: That was fun.

Ovan: Can we get to business?

Metaman: Let's.

Panel 2: Metaman is looking up.

Panel 3: He looks back at them and yells.

Metaman: NOW!

Panel 4: Metaman and Döden Från Ovan fly up into the air, while the other three begin to teleport.

Panel 5: A large pic of Gorkus, coming towards the Earth as Metaman and Döden Från Ovan fly towards it.

Metaman: I fucking hate amateurs.

Panel 1: Döden Från Ovan is flying towards Gorkus, firing his guns at it with Metaman behind him, and appearing on top of Gorkus, courtesy of Deliverance's teleportation skills are Deliverance (obviously), XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass and Senorita Soulless.

Ovan: Now I know why you begged me.

Metaman: I wouldn't be too upset if a stray bullet hit one.

Panel 2: Metaman begins pushing on Gorkus, to slow its descent.

Metaman: Now, Badass!

Panel 3: Badass has an earpiece to hear Metaman.

Badass: Senorita Soulless, do your thing.

Panel 4: Senorita Soulless raises her fist, ready to bring it down to punch Gorkus.

Deliverance: What is her "thing"?

Badass: She punches souls.

Deliverance: Does this thing have a soul?

Panel 5: And she punches it, but not it's physical body. She punches it in the soul!

Panel 1: Large pic. Gorkus shudders as it crashes towards the Earth, with Senorita Soulless, Deliverance and XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass on top of it, Metaman trying to slow its descent and Döden Från Ovan flying in front of it, shooting at it.

Gorkus: GGRRRRBBBBBBBVVVVVVV!

Badass: Shit yeah it does!

Panel 2: Metaman is slowing the descent with a struggle.

Metaman: Badass, get off!

Panel 3: Badass smacks Deliverance upside the head.

Badass: What are you waiting for, jackass? Get us the fuck off this thing!

Deliverance: OW!

Panel 4: Deliverance teleports himself, Badass and Senorita Soulless away.

Panel 5: Close-up of Döden Från Ovan's face, as he laughs.

Ovan: DIE! DIE! DIE! HA!

Panel 1: Badass, Deliverance and Senorita Soulless appear back in the middle of the field, next to Urban's unconscious body and the baseball bat next to him.

Deliverance: Fuck you!

Panel 2: Badass backhands him.

Badass: Don't fucking talk back to me!

Deliverance: GHR!

Panel 3: Badass picks up the baseball bat and Senorita Soulless just watches.

Badass: What the fuck is with you losers? You keep acting like you're our equals.

Panel 4: And he smacks Deliverance in the face with it.

Badass: When you clearly are NOT!

Panel 5: And he beats on the fallen body.

Badass: We're doing you a FAVOUR! So you just SHUT UP! And do as we SAY!

Panel 6: There's blood on Badass as he just has this crazed look on his face, standing over Deliverance's beaten body.

Badass: Don't make me get rough with you.

Soulless: That was so cool.

Badass: Thanks, babe.

Panel 1: Metaman is pushing on Gorkus as it crashes towards the Earth, while Döden Från Ovan is shooting at it, flying besides it.

Metaman: Will you fucking kill it already!

Ovan: Ruin my fucking fun!

Panel 2: Döden Från Ovan lands on its "head".

Ovan: Fine. One bullet for the thing that fell to Earth.

Panel 3: He takes a special "cosmic" bullet out of his belt. Its colouring should be that space-like colouring that they used for Solar in the Warren Ellis revamp of him back in the late nineties.

Panel 4: He loads it in his gun.

Panel 5: He points the gun at Gorkus.

Ovan: Döden från ovan.

Panel 6: And he shoots it.

Panel 1: Metaman pushes Gorkus, while Döden Från Ovan jumps off, flying back down the ground.

Ovan: Happy?

Metaman: UGN! Sure. Give me a hand!

Ovan: How about no?

Panel 2: Döden Från Ovan lands next to XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass, who is on the ground, making out with Senorita Soulless, in between Deliverance and Urban's bodies.

Ovan: Craziest fucking team-up I've ever been on.

Badass: MMM!

Urban (weak): uhhhhh

Panel 3: Döden Från Ovan kicks Urban in the gut.

Ovan: Quiet. You're killing the mood.

Panel 4: Far away pic of Metaman still slows the descent of Gorkus.

Panel 5: The descent is slowed, so now it's travelling straight.

Panel 6: And now Metaman is actively carrying Gorkus.

Panel 1: Metaman floats just above the field, holding up Gorkus, a hundred yards or so away from the others, who we can't see yet.

Panel 2: Using his superspeed, he flies out from underneath Gorkus, letting it drop and floats above it.

Panel 3: Gorkus hits the ground, causing it to shake.

Panel 4: Badass, who is on top of Senorita Soulless, making out, next to the beaten body of Deliverance and the unconscious body of Urban, stops kissing her and has a confused look on his face. Döden Från Ovan is standing there. You don't have to show them all, I'm just giving you the whole scene so you can do what you will.

Badass: Did I just cum prematurely?

Panel 1: Metaman, XXX-Treme-Mofo-Badass, Senorita Soulless and Döden Från Ovan are standing in front of the corpse of Gorkus, which is still in the field, talking to the media.

Metaman: --then the eggs would burst, causing the planet to explode.

Voice: Metaman!

Voice: Badass!

Voice: Metaman!

Panel 2: Metaman answers a question.

Voice: Weren't there six of you?

Panel 3: Another question, this time to Badass.

Voice: Badass, are the rumours about you and Metaman's wife true?

Badass: Fuck you, cuntrag!

Panel 4: Metaman just looks at Badass.

Metaman: Senorita Soulless? Would you?

Panel 5: Senorita Soulless punches Badass in the face, but hitting his soul instead of him.

Badass: GKK!

Panel 6: Badass' body is on the ground and the media are taking LOTS of pictures and Döden Från Ovan is just shaking his head in shame.

Ovan: I fucking hate team-ups.

Caption: The End!