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Shut Up And Listen 203 State Of The Union 2005 "Your average voter can't find his bunghole with both hands." That sums up my feelings about tonight's State of the Union address and Bush. Just exactly the kind of thing you want to hear three days after the whole Iraqi election, but it's true. Democracy is a joke--and a bad one at that--and here we have proof. They re-elected this fucking retard. And almost everyone else has just shrugged and accepted it. John Kerry being the foremost one of them. What a fucking pussy. The whole "for the good of the nation" spiel is bullshit. You know why? The Democrats have no power and thus who cares about them? It's just a weak and desperate grab so the Democrats don't become totally irrelevant. This is shitty scene. It's not a thing of substance anymore, as it was once intended to be, it's really just one big bullshit PR glitterati piece of fakery. It doesn't matter. Actually, it only appears to matter because cable news stations have time to fill and well, sadly, nothing else matters more. We live in an age of political weakness and a horrible lack of substance. If this was really a thing of substance, there would be no applause. There would be no audience. There would just be Bush and an extensive report that would take six hours at least to read. But hey, we can't do that, because let's be honest, that would just about kill the old boy. It's too much that we expect him to speak for this long. In the tradition of The Daily Show, I will be keeping score of the number of times freedom, liberty, and democracy are said (or variations on the words--for example: democratic). Part of the reason behind this is because I am unoriginal and the other part is that I need some reason to pay attention. The tallies can be found at the end of the column. Enjoy. Standing ovation for elections. Yay. Don't forget to wave the index fingers covered in ink. "The state of our union is confident and strong." That's all we really need to know really, isn't it? Apparently America's economy is the fastest growing economy in industrial nations and I believe that. I mean, when your economy goes in the shitter like it did, it's not a big surprise when it recovers. Everyone else's is doing great, so obviously America's is growing the fastest. Okay, he wants to cut the deficit in half by 2009 . . . how the fuck does he plan to do that? Cut programs that are apparently not doing whatever it is they're supposed to do. That makes sense. I'm just left wondering if that will actually happen. Oh, I expect them to cut programs, but what programs? It's not like America has the best track record in cutting the right programs. Most of this is just rehashed bullshit from previous speeches. School good, scholarships good, entrepreneurs good, frivolous lawsuits bad, taxes bad, spending bad, economy good, healthcare good, blah, blah, blah. Nice to see him get this shit out of the way early. Maybe it'll be one of those "start with ten minutes of old news and then 50 minutes of new news" things, but somehow I doubt it. He keeps smiling that fucking smile that I hate. I really do hate that smile. It's like a gut instinct or something. To be fair, I pretty much hate any politician's smile. It's so smug and fake. Like Dick Cheney's fucking smug grin behind Bush. It's the kind of grin that says "I own you bitches." And that makes me sick. I should have counted the number of times he said "economy" . . . And here's the social security spiel. Basically, from what I understand, he wants to take that money (which the government has looted numerous times--not just under Bush, of course) and basically stick it in the stock market. That would be cool, except that the system was created so people would have a guaranteed amount of money and not gambled on market fluctuations--you know, like the stock market crash of 1929 (if that is the wrong year, I'm sorry). I'm not saying don't reform the system, but let's be honest, these are not the people to do it. These people are the morons who fucked it up! And they are the morons who will fuck it up worse. Nothing good will happen, because things don't get fixed in Washington these days. Everything is watered down so that everyone will kind of be happy about it and nothing really gets done. "I will listen to anyone who has a good idea to offer." Never thought I'd hear Bush say that. But then again, who says he means it? One thing I'm not clear on: social security is losing money, but part of the plan is get people to put aside part of the money they would normally pay into social security? That makes sense. Fuck the "institution of marriage." Fuck it up the ass. Tell me all about it when you pay a dowry. Funny how when judges make rulings you agree with, they're objectively interpreting the law, but when they make rulings you don't agree with, they're activist judges with political agendas. Did people against gay marriage ever stop and think, "Hey wait! Maybe it is illegal and wrong to prevent it! So far, I'm disappointed with the lack of my trio of words. And I had to use the bathroom. What did I miss? He's blithering on about using DNA evidence to prevent wrongful convictions. Wow, way to be current and not ten years (at least) behind the times. I'd imagine being at this speech would be tiring with the sitting, the standing, the clapping, the sitting, the standing, the clapping, and so on. I know I get tired clapping at concerts. It can hurt your hands and make them kind of itchy. I would give good money to see John Kerry scratching the palms of his hands because they are itchy from applauding for Bush too much. Blah, blah, blah, tyranny, terrorists, democracy, freedom, yadda, yadda, yadda. I enjoy the camera shots of people who are clapping alone. Too funny. "To promote peace in the broader Middle East . . ." Heh. Just a funny phrase. Iran is evil, Iraq isn't anymore and terrorists suck major ass. And putting ink on your index finger is the same as actually doing something. And I just kind of zoned out there. This speech is hopelessly predictable. There's no need for it. It's all shit we've heard before. It's all shit we know. It's useless. What the fuck? Am I the only one who sees this? What is wrong with you people? What? And he ends it with useless rhetoric that means nothing. Here's the tally: As you can see, freedom dominated the speech, but democracy held strong and liberty showed poorly. Wolf Blitzer has also just told me Bush was interrupted sixty-one times during his speech. Insane. That's it. I'm done. State Of The Union 2005 Twenty-Four Hours Later A few thoughts on the speech a day later . . . It was a useless speech. Almost all of it was recycled shit I've heard before. The only new things Bush spoke about were things anyone with a brain knew he thought. Like technically the Iraq election was new, but who didn't know what Bush thought about it? It was just the same old, same old. Of course, Bush supporters are calling it strong leadership and other bullshit like that. But going down that road also leads to them just rolling their eyes at my comments and saying "Would it have mattered what he said?" My issue with the speech, for the most part, isn't the content in and of itself, but the fact that it was all old shit. Obviously I don't agree with most of it, but that's not new. This speech was so fucking boring. I know I tend to get bored by these speeches, but I was bored by this one within, like, four minutes. I was yawning almost from the get-go. I'm still sickened from the whole spectacle of it though. Every year it gets worse. Part of me wishes someone would bomb the House then. Let's be honest here: the world would be better off. Anyone who says different is a liar or a moron. And that's it. Apologies for the fact that this column is also basically old news, but I'm not the president and I'm not addressing the country I rule on international TV. I can afford to deliver shitty goods. |