Shut Up And Listen 184

Death To NBC, I Know No ABC, Fuck Fox, And Heil CBS!

The new TV season is still in its birthing process, but the results are already in: NBC is dead, ABC is still rotting in its grave, Fox is a partial-birth abortion, and CBS is the only Serious Contender. It's a damn shame, and I haven't seen a TV season that has interested me as little as this in years. Used to be I could be entertained every night of the week and one weekend night. Now? Hell, they're lucky if they can get two nights out of me.

NBC, once the dominant network of the TV world is in its death-throes and it's its own fault. It deserves to die and with any luck it will stay that way for a while if only so we can all have an example of What Not To Do.

NBC has lost its talent: first it was Seinfeld six years ago, and then Frasier and Friends last season. All it has to rest on are Matt LeBlanc who is more vapid, retarded and cartoony than ever, and Donald Trump, the human Muppet that represents all that is wrong with America week in and week out. Oh, and Will & Grace, but who watches that? No one, that's who. Also, their various Law & Order shows carry on, but have been defeated by the various CSI shows.

NBC's only bright spot is Scrubs, which they have chosen to smother with a pillow called "9:30 Tuesday night, following the Siegfried & Roy animated show" (although, to be fair, Father Of The Pride hasn't been nearly as shitty as it first looked). If they had any brains or common sense, this would be the show to be pushed and promoted. To be put out front and paraded as The Show That Is Great And Must Be Watched And If You Do Not Watch It, You Are A Fool. Scrubs is the only reason for NBC to exist right now and the way they've chosen to try to kill it shows just how pitiful and weak-minded everyone at that network is. I read an article where NBC said they were disappointed with Scrubs' performance and it's like "Are you retarded? What is wrong with you? You stick a show at 9:30 on Tuesday nights and then wonder why no one watches? Losers!"

I can't comment on ABC because they have nothing. They died many years ago and have yet to come back. Ho hum, too bad, so sad, blame Drew Carey.

Fox is a partial-birth abortion basically. They've launched their Wednesday sitcoms, but not much else. That 70s Show stumbles on in what one can only hope is its final season. It's not that bad, but it should die before it becomes shit. Summer shows Quintuplets and Method & Red (or whatever its actual title is) have been placed there as well. We are stuck with watching Andy Richter stagger through a humourless shitfest in an effort to appease the masses after they rejected Andy Richter Controls The Universe, the near-perfect show typical of Fox development and killed far too soon as is typical of Fox executives.

I have a love/hate with Fox. Out of the four networks, they produce the best sitcoms on TV. They also churn out more shit than anyone else and eventually replace all of the quality shows with the shit because they wish to appease the unwashed masses, who are a bunch or retarded circus bears. I am surprised that The Bernie Mac Show has survived so long. They keep trying to kill it and it lingers on as probably the best sitcom on TV (save for Scrubs). It is a show that is produced with utter confidence and even a sense of arrogance. It knows it's good and if you don't like it, fuck you. If you don't like what Mac says about kids and how stupid they are this week, fuck you. It is the show that currently justifies Fox's existence (along with Arrested Development, actually).

Fox's Sunday will have to wait for football though. A horrid spectacle and something I 100% blame for the deaths of Futurama, Greg The Bunny, and Oliver Beene (which could be dead, and might not be, I don't know). Especially since Fox seems intent on only showing the 4 pm games that always run to close to 8 pm, and seem to never show the 1 pm games. What the fuck is wrong with them? Well, fuck Fox.

The only winner this year is CBS. It has claimed the entire week basically with some show or another. Mondays are theirs with their two hours of family-friendly sitcoms, most of the week belongs of CSI, CSI: Miami and CSI: New York, which destroyed Law & Order on Tuesday. Then they've got a bunch of family-friendly dramas that seem to do well. And Survivor on Thursdays. CBS used to be a joke, but while all of the other networks were laughing, they managed to stage a huge comeback that has annihilated all of the competition. Place your bets on CBS this season, folks.

The Monday-night season premieres on CBS weren't that bad. Still Standing and Two & A Half Men both kind of did nothing, and Listen Up was kind of weak, but Everybody Loves Raymond managed to actually deliver a strong episode. They showed how well they are able to do an entire show with only two scenes and subtle psychology. I'm looking forward to what they plan for what is supposed to be their final season.

And Now For A Few Words On The Emmys

This year, the Emmys walked a fine line between rewarding excellence and just giving shit to old stand-bys. I maintain the belief that Curb Your Enthusiasm was robbed, but the fact that Arrested Development was the show that did it makes me smile. If the best show didn't get the award at least the only other show nominated that deserved it did. The Daily Show With Jon Stewart was recognised once again for being basically the best show on TV. All of the comedy acting awards were jokes though. Total bullshit. All of those people deserved awards, but years ago (like when the boys from Frasier first won the awards--and maybe the first or second season of Sex & The City, not long after that show lost any appeal and humour). Maybe next year, we'll be given a show where everyone who deserves to win does. I would count on it though.