Shut Up And Listen 181

The Republican National Convention 2004

Wednesday: Political Junkie, The Verbalisation Fumigation, Fear And Loathing In New York, And See The Robot Talk

"Why don't you just watch it if you hate it so much?" I've been asked more than once about the RNC. Well, for one thing, I watched the DNC and I've got to be fair about it, now don't I? Also, for all my griping and annoyance, part of me enjoys this shit. I enjoy watching shitty political coverage. Yeah, there's something wrong with me. Something gravely wrong, I suspect. But, I did wait until today to start watching because I can only take so much. I mean, you ever watched this shit? I'm not interested in the mutual masturbation of these sick, sick people. I'm interested in what the contenders have to say; for the Democrats, that meant Edwards and Kerry, and for the Republicans, that means Cheney and Bush. Those two are the only speakers who matter. The rest is bullshit that most people don't even give a fuck about. How many of you can remember what was said at the Democratic National Convention? (Okay, you should be able to remember stuff if you saw it, but how many of you actually think about what was said still?) It's what the candidates say that matters. Not what other parties members say. Not what daughters say. Not what wives say. Just the candidates. But that does mean I'll make fun of whoever speaks before either candidate like last time. If I've got to sit through someone's bullshit to get to Cheney or Bush's bullshit, then I'm not gonna take it silently.

You know how I said that I want to see Al Sharpton debate George Bush? Forget that. I want Al Sharpton versus Don King, who is currently campaigning for Bush. Can you imagine that debate? I would try and give you a taste, but I can't even attempt to fake it. I just don't have the skills. I just want those two men to get together and go on a national tour with debates that will eventually be put on a DVD with money going to charity. I'd buy one. Maybe two.

I am fucking bored waiting for this shit. I just watched ten minutes of The Drew Carey Show in an effort to avoid a tribute film on Reagan. You see any recent episode of The Drew Carey Show? The fact that I was willing to watch any of that show says a lot. And now I'm stuck with people I don't give a fuck talk about shit I don't give a fuck about with Larry King, a man I don't give a fuck about. I just want Cheney. How hard is it to deliver the VP? They always schedule these speeches too late. They need to stick them on around nine, not twenty after ten.

Now, Zell Miller, a Democratic senator from Georgia is giving the key-note speech at the convention. He gave one twelve years ago for Bill Clinton, bashing Bush I. He's there to bash Kerry and promote Bush II. And he claims he's still a Democrat. I kind of respect this guy, not for his politics, but for the fact that he's willing to go against his party if he feels it necessary. But there's also a part of me that thinks if he doesn't support his party, he shouldn't be a part of it. I must admit that comes probably from the fact that he's going against the Democrats, who I favour over the Republicans. His speech is actually pretty good. I disagree with the idea that Bush will protect America better than Kerry, but his message that there are some issues that are more important than partisanship is a good one. One could argue though that not supporting Bush is a way of trying to improve American security.

I'm probably not the best person to write on Miller's speech, because he's very pro-military and you all know my personal feelings on that. But holy shit, this guy is attacking the Democrats viciously. He's putting his argument across in a very manipulative manner. His argument hinges upon the assumptions that the military is always perfect, as is the person commanding them. That force is the best manner with which to handle international affairs. It is written and delivered in such a way that appeals to the worst in people. To that part that wants to just beat others into submission because you're angry and because it's easier. That working within an international framework is cowardly or wrong. And the man is doing it quite well. Of course, it's full of half-truths and buzz words. He talks about bills that Kerry voted against, but only talks about part of the bills, specifically the part that will get people pissed off.

Fuck. Holy shit. Miller just said one of the scariest things I've ever heard in politics about God not being indifferent to America. That kind of language really does scare me, especially in relation to America. When you have top-level leaders speaking that way, it just scares the fuck out of me.

Lynne Cheney is on now. I could care less. I'm still thinking about Miller's speech and the fact that I think it could haunt me for a little. To me, it shows everything that ugly and wrong with America right now. I . . . I don't even have the words.

Dick is on. I am going to paraphrase his speech as he gives it, as I did with Edwards and Kerry. Here we go: Thank you, Miller rules, I'll be your nominee for VP, I'm gonna campaign hard so Bush can be president some more, Bush is great, Kerry sucks, Edwards sucks too, I'm as pretty as Edwards, America is great, I was born on FDR's birthday, my grandparents had it rough, but they loved me and worked hard for their family, dreams come true in America . . . eventually, schools are good, we made schools better, our economy was sucking, but we made it better after 9/11 with tax cuts, tax cuts are good, tax cuts are very good, our healthcare rocks and Bush is making it even better, there's more work to do so you better re-elect us so we can do that stuff, personal injury lawyers suck (that means Edwards sucks), freedom and security are good, enemies are bad, my family rules, our children deserve safety, freedom and peace, anyone who thought America was safe was wrong, September 11 sucked ass, WMDs suck when America doesn't have them, American didn't start it but by god it's gonna finish it by kicking ass, Bush rules, America will win because Bush rules, terrorists will get their asses handed to them because America and George W. Bush don't take that shit, the war on terror has been good, we kicked the Taliban's ass, Saddam Hussein got his ass handed to him too, getting rid of Hussein was good and we've got him in jail, Bush got Libya to give up nuclear weapons and now America's got all their plans because only American can have that knowledge, the black market sucks so it's been shut down and now we're safer, the US military rules, Bush loves the military, this election will decide who leads America for the next four years, voting for Kerry will fuck up all of Bush's plans, and those plans are fucking good so you best not vote for Kerry and fuck them up, Kerry has experience and was cool in Vietnam, but he also sucks ass, big time ass, America is all that stands between freedom and fascism, Kerry likes the UN, Kerry opposed Reagan, Kerry was against Operation: Desert Storm, Kerry is a sensitive Nancy boy, Kerry will defend America after being attacked but it's already been attacked, so what's up, Kerry? Huh? What's up, bitch? You gonna defend us or what? Terrorists have got to be killed before they kill Americans, even if that means killing them with military force, America knows how to save the world even if the world don't like it, Bush is friends with other countries, but he'll do what the fuck he wants whenever he wants and won't take no shit from those foreign bastards who just wanna bring America down, Kerry hates the military, Kerry flip-flops because he hates the military, Kerry shouldn't be president because he hates the military, Kerry was a small menace in the senate but he could fuck things up royally as president, Bush fucking rocks, Kerry flip-flops, he's a goddamn flip-flopper, Bush fucking rules, I love George Bush, 9/11 sucked, but Bush is making things better for freedom, you all have a choice and you should choose Bush and Cheney, because we rule, the other two guys . . . eh, not so much, America rocks, democracy rocks, Bush loves America, we're gonna win, "thank you very much."

Chad's count of times 9/11 was mentioned or separately referred to independently of an existing conversation about 9/11 but not mentioned by name while watching coverage for two-and-a-half hours on Wednesday on CNN: 12. Not as high as I thought it would be when I started counting, but still kind of high. Once every twelve minutes and thirty seconds on average. Let's see if Thursday can beat that.

Thursday: Bush, Bushes, 11 Mentions Of 9/11 By One Man, And Some More Bush

Tonight, we get Bush. I'm kind of looking forward to it. Normally, when I watch a Bush speech, it's the State of the Union Address and I'm in a position where I have to critique it. Tonight, I get to sit back and just take it in, and write down what he says. I think it will be an entertaining speech that will be well-read and well-crafted. Much like last night's speeches, though, it will probably be filled with half-truths and not too many lies, but things quite close to them. Not that the Democrats are any better about that. That's the game, as we all know. It's hard to find faults beyond that in these speeches. They're incredibly well-written and I admire the skill put into them. They actually are showing an interview with one of his speechwriters right now. Sadly, it's more about Bush than about the craft of writing speeches, which would interest me more. But what do you expect from CNN?

Larry King is on with three generations of Bushes, including Bush I. Pierce, a grandson and Marvin, a son. So basically, one guest who actually has some interest and two that leave me wondering who gives a fuck? Yes, instead of actually discussing intelligent things, let's just discuss the Bush family. Pass.

George Pataki, governor of New York has entered and is delivering his speech/introduction for Bush. He's going to tell us the untold story of September 11: how tourism was hit hard and how Oregon helped out. How Iowa sent some blankets for rescue workers. How some guys from Pennsylvania gave some money. And how he could tell similar stories about a bunch of other states. Now, he's talking about how New York rocks. He wants to say thank you. That was his "speech" and now he's talking about the election, and how Bush rocks, Kerry sucks and blah, blah, blah. He keeps chanting "and he did!" about shit Bush said he'd do and then did. I find it funny when slogans like that are used. It's a shameless speech really. It invokes Reagan, attacks Kerry, attacks Clinton, praises Bush, attacks the UN, attacks the terrorists, attacks Saddam, mentions September 11 almost a dozen times, connects that day with Hussein, and then brings it all back to Kerry. It's rather typical in its shamelessness. I can really see him and Giuliani running together in 2008. Hell, they could probably win it too. Riding on the backs of all those people who died on September 11, 2001.

And here's Bush . . . okay. Not yet. I mean, he introduced him, but now we have to wait for Bush. That's just lame. Wow, we get a video about Bush. I bet it can't match the one The Daily Show made up last night. The one about Bush's words being what matters, not what happened. Rather funny and sadly true. The video was horribly sappy and made me roll my eyes several times.

Bush is out there now, looking as he always does. He always seems to have this arrogance about him, like this is exactly where he's meant to be and he fucking knows it. His speech as paraphrased by me: "Thank you all", hi everyone, "I accept your nomination for President of the United States", back after September 11, when I said stuff, no one could have imagined what would have happened after, back on September 11, some people did some good stuff, and good things have happened since, America rocks, we're gonna keep on going, nothing will stop us, Cheney is cool, Laura is cool too, the Bush twins rock, so do the rest of the Bush family especially Bush I and mommy, Ronald Reagan kicked ass, on election day people are gonna choose someone, children have gotta learn from teachers who've gotta teach and both were made easier by that "No Child Left Behind" stuff, senior citizens deserve their pills, tax cuts rule, America will be protected if I'm elected, because America is all that stands between freedom and shit being blown up, a safer world would be nice, government should help improve lives not run them, America = expanding liberty, times changed and so have the way people work and the government has to keep up with that stuff, America only has America to blame for its shitty economy, American needs to look better, tax cuts will help, really they will, depending on foreign oil is no good, trade is good, frivolous lawsuits suck, complicated taxes suck, higher paying jobs are good, going back to school is good, community colleges deserve more money, Americans need skills to compete with foreigners, some communities have it rough and need more help called "American Opportunity Zones", healthcare should be affordable because it's good, medical liability reform is good, labour laws need changing for families, homeownership is good, (left to use the bathroom--sorry, it was for only a minute), control over your life is good, children need help, schools are the paths to the promise of America, we made schools better, 90% of some kids in some school passed the state's test in reading and math and that's a sign that things are good, "we will leave no child behind" except said in Spanish first, "we are making progress", college is good, getting to college is good, math and science are good, exams are good, poor children need help, go to www.georgewbush.com for details, Kerry and me differ on a lot of things, increasing taxes is bad, Kerry is the past, Bush is the future, viva la future, welfare reform is good, families are good, unborn children deserves respect, religious charities deserve government support too, gay marriage sucks, activist judges suck too (sometimes), I'll appoint judges who agree with what I think and won't fuck things up, John Kerry claims to be a candidate of conservative values but that's bullshit, terrorism is dangerous, killing terrorists is good, Kerry . . . eh, he's a bit of a pussy, I went to New York three days after the danger was over, "I will never relent in defending America, whatever it takes", we're kicking terrorist ass around the world, liberty is spreading, we are winning, Afghanistan is better, Pakistan is better, Saudi Arabia is better, Libya is better, Iraq is better, Al Queda is worse (meant in that good way, not in that they're killing more way), "American and the world are safer", we used diplomacy, we made tough decisions, we knew shit about Saddam Hussein that showed us that he was a threat so we kicked his motherfucking ass, Kerry and Edwards voted for the war in Iraq, Hussein was given a decade of diplomacy, so I decided to kick his ass, "more than 50 million people have been liberated", Afghanistan and Iraq are both way better off, democracy lives in both countries, freedom in the Middle East = safety in America, US troops rock, they really fucking do, American troops are making the world better, Kerry and Edwards don't love the troops like I love the troops, our allies rock, more support us in Afghanistan than in Iraq for some reason though, our allies' soldiers rock just as much as American soldiers do, Iraqi people love America, America is the greatest force for good on the earth, terrorists fear democracy, and they know deep in their hearts that they are wrong, they fear freedom, freedom in one country means freedom in many countries, this will make America and the world safer, America did it before and will keep on doing it, The New York Times sucks ass, Truman rocked, freeing Iraq is like rebuilding Germany after World War II, "[freedom] is the almighty God's gift to [everyone] in this world", this is history-in-the-making, future generations will know the score, "and tonight, my fellow Americans, I ask you to stand with me", you all know me and know what you're getting with me, it's my mom's fault if you think I'm a little too blunt, I've learned some stuff, faced some tough situations, been impressed by many Americans, America and Americans rule, "people will look to the resurrection of New York and say, `here buildings fell, here a nation rose'", America's character can be found in Americans, American can do anything, "this young century will be liberty's century", "may God bless and may God continue to bless our great country, thank you all."

Chad's count of times 9/11 was mentioned or separately referred to independently of an existing conversation about 9/11 but not mentioned by name while watching coverage for two-and-a-half hours on Thursday on CNN: 20. More than yesterday. 3 times before Pataki's speech, 11 times by Pataki, once in the Bush video and 5 times by Bush himself. Bush spoke for over three times the amount of time Pataki did and mentioned September 11 less than half. Fucked up.

Saturday: Your New Favourite Party

Here's a summary of the RNC: September 11 sucked, John Kerry's a pussy, terrorists hate freedom, 9/11 sucked, Bush is the saviour, September 11 was no good, freedom rules, John Kerry is a big pussy, 9/11 sucked, God loves America more than everyone else, John Kerry is the biggest pussy to ever live, Bush will single-handedly recreate the world in America's image, and dude, 9/11 sucked ass big time. There were some other minor details, but that's the gist of it. Wow, they just rock so much, eh? I love them and their message of hope, love, and milking 9/11 for all it's worth. This November, if you love America, you'll vote Republican because that's what good patriotic Americans do: they just vote back whoever's in charge and shut up about it. Not like those evil Democrats who dare to challenge the president in these trying and challenging times where the slightest lack of faith could doom the entire world to an existence of suicide bombers, no freedom, and mass graves. Saddam Hussein was going to rape America's women and bin Laden plans to eat your freedom for breakfast. All that stands in their way is George W. Bush, Jr. God bless that man. God bless Dick Cheney. God bless the Republicans. And dammit, God bless America. Good night, everyone. Sleep tight.