Shut Up And Listen 162

Chad's Patented Five-Step Exam Program

The second week of the three week exam period my university has is over and I've done four of the five exams I have, so I thought now would be the time to share with everyone how I am so damn successful at writing exams.

Step One: Go To Class And Do Some Readings

The key word there is "some". Don't do all the readings. I mean, I had five classes where if you add up all the reading I would have had to do, I'd be reading like a thousand pages a week. Yeah, that would be helpful, but highly impractical. The first step in studying for exams is learning how to get out of studying as much as possible and that means attending classes. Yeah, I know, that sucks, especially when your prof is boring as hell, but, hey, that's what I do. And when it comes to the readings, just pick and choose. Like, for my English classes, I'll pick maybe three or four of the novels, and a few poems. Make sure you pick them so they're spread out a bit, that way you're covered. In my Canadian Government class, I didn't do any readings after I realised the lectures and the readings were the same damn thing. Lectures fill in the gaps of reading. That, and if you show up, you can maybe get participation marks to help out.

Step Two: Think Strategic

Every prof I've had has always given those lovely guides to what the exam will be, so use that. You've got multiple choice? Don't worry and just read over you notes! You've got essays? Don't worry, just read over your notes! You've got short answers? Don't worry, just read over your notes! You've got cite passages you've got to identify and write on? Worry, but just read over your notes!

Step Three: Just Read Over Your Notes An Hour Before The Exam

You went to class, right? Took some notes? Read them over and you'll be amazed how much that helps. Really refreshes that shit you learned back in the fall when you're writing an exam in the spring. Besides, just remember a few key things right away will often lead to remembering more shit. Just pick out those key phrases that will trigger more shit. Trust your brain to have hidden reserves of knowledge.

Step Four: Be Confident

You walk in there with confidence and be all like, "Shit, man, I know this shit, and when I do this shit, they'll be all like, `Shit, man, this dude knows his shit!'" Like in almost every other area in life, exam-writing is all about confidence. You may write an essay that completely contradicts every other interpretation out there, but if you write it with confidence, the prof won't mind. Sure, when you sit down and read over the exam, you may panic initially because they're asking you shit you don't know, but just remember "I know my shit!" and watch as that shit you don't know seems to be something that shrinks. Confidence is the key.

Step Five: Take Breaks To Check Out Hot Chicks (Or Guys If That's What You Like)

Depending on the length of the exam, I recommend stopping every half an hour to forty minutes and spend a couple of minutes just looking off into space or checking out a hot chick sitting near you. Let your mind wander a bit, relax, and then jump right back in. This helps keeps you calm and confident. It's like you're saying to the exam, "I think you're so easy that I can spend time wondering if that chick is wearing a thong or not." And never underestimate the work your mind does when you're not focussing on work. I know for me, those little breaks are necessary. My mind likes to multi-task, so focussing on just one thing bores it and makes it work less. But if I decide to create elaborate situations where somehow me and that girl I haven't had the nerve to ask out all year leave the exam at the same time and get to talking and maybe get a cup of coffee and so on, then my brain has more to focus on and starts working better. You may be the same way. By checking out that hot chick, you'll be allowing your brain to think of brilliantly original ways to answer that essay on some stupid themes you could care less about featuring novels that you didn't read.

At this point, you're probably saying, "Jesus Christ, Chad, what the fuck is wrong with you?" but trust me. Follow the system. Like I said, the best studying you can do for exams is going to class and just paying attention, and then after that, just go in with confidence and a but of last-minute prepping. With one exception (the first half of my political theory class this year--the prof turned out to be a wicked-hard marker though and everyone did shit), I always get B-pluses or higher. Trust the system, people. Or ignore it and get one that works for you*.

*Note: this is especially recommended for people in a science or math program, or any other program where a lot of specific terms must be known. Ignore me, for the love of god! Study your brains out and do all the readings and sample questions. Do use steps one, four, and five, but study more. In English and Political Science, you can get away with that minimal studying. I don't want one of you guys to listen to me, bomb the exam, and then get all angry.