Shut Up And Listen 160

The Most Offensive Column On Religion Yet

I don't quite know what I've written more about in this column: politics or religion. Ah well, here's another one.

First off, fuck it, I don't respect your religious beliefs. You believe in some guy who lives in the clouds? Pretty fucked up. You talk to this dude and expect him to help you out? Fucking insane. Seriously, insane. You take all those things that people associate with faith and put them in any other context and you've got a fucking lunatic. What makes religion and faith all that different? Not much, okay? You've got a person that worships Apollo and all those other Greek gods and you've got yourself one deviant of society. Sorry, but survival of the fittest when it comes to religions just doesn't cut it for me. Higher power, god, creator, whatever, don't care. I'm not saying such a being doesn't exist because it's possible, but why the fuck would I make one up? I mean, it's possible there's a girl out there who's my soul mate, but that doesn't mean I'm just gonna start assuming she's there and like go out on dates with an invisible version of her without any proof. Sure, that sounds dumb and insane, but attach the words "belief," "faith" and "religion" and all of sudden it's not just acceptable, but something to be encouraged. To be a good moral, normal person you should believe in some invisible guy who lives in the sky. So, fuck it, that just sounds stupid to me and I tend not to respect things that appear stupid to me. Why would I? Would you?

Secondly, assuming there is a god, the Christian faith is just fucking stupid. Let me get this shit straight: we have free will and that god doesn't affect our lives, but when something bad happens, your standard reason is "It's God's will"? Are you fucking retarded? That's a fucking contradiction right there, you ignorant morons. Either the big guy doesn't interfere with our lives or he does. Or what, does he pick and choose? Is he that much of a fucking asshole that he'll look at one person and say, "Twenty-five million dollars" and then turn his head a bit and go, "Prison rape after being framed"? Well, shit, brother, that guy sounds like a bit of a prick! What possible point is served by someone getting raped? No, seriously, tell me what your god's plan is there. Tell me the good fucking reason. Try and come up with one. So, what, we can appreciate consensual sex all the more? Is rape really the creator of the universe's way of teaching us the importance of sex where it isn't being forced upon one of the participants? Golly gee whiz, thanks so much, because that wasn't something we could've figured out on our own!

Thirdly, there's the argument that people need faith to get through life and they need something bigger than themselves to believe in. So, basically, then they're about the same a drug addict who needs some substance to get through the day. If people can't get through the day without believing in the invisible man in the sky how is that different than a drug addict who can't get through the day without some drug? Sure, there's that minor difference that drugs cause major harm and religion doesn't. Oh wait, no, no, no! There we have a totally false statement! Come on, religion just fucks up the world. Hell, and I'm not talking about shit in the past, I can give you shit that's recent. Let's see, there's the case of the Christian church that re-enacted the whole Jesus beating, whipping and crucifixion story with a person dressed as the Easter Bunny. Or then there's the people who are sick of the idea that Jesus was a dude who loved everyone and was a peaceful guy, because that's just a little too pussy for them and are promoting that Jesus who's gonna come down from heaven and fucking kick your ass if you don't fucking suck his cock. Not quite in those words, but that's the basic meaning. There was that mom who stoned her kids because she said "God" told her to. The sad thing is that a lot of the strongly religious people tend to try and blame stuff like TV, movies, music, and all sorts of other basically harmless things for all of the ills of the world when religion has been the root cause of more stupidity, violence, hatred, and death than anything else.

Like, I know that if there was a non-religious group out there advocating beating the shit out of gay people they'd be shut down. Why stop at the non-religious groups in cases like that? Fuck your beliefs! If your beliefs tell you that it's okay to say that certain people are not people and deserve to die, then fuck you! Fuck your beliefs, they're wrong! That may be arrogant as hell, but I'm not advocating violence against anyone. I'll adhere to that "Judge not lest ye be judged" shit and put my life against theirs any day of the fucking week. What's the worst shit I do? Swear? Not believe in a god? Masturbate? Better call the fucking cops, I say and just have me locked up.

You may be saying to yourself, "Why Chad, that sounds just as bad as what they want to do to others!" And you'd be wrong there. I'm not saying these people need to be beaten or anything or that they're any less of a human being. I'm just saying they ignorant and misguided, and I'd like to see their behaviour changed. Now, let me ask you something: if I'd wrote a column saying the same thing about people who watch American Idol would you be reacting in the exact same way as I'm assuming you are? Honestly, what separates the two? No, really, what separates the two?

Happy Easter.