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The Best Of Shut Up And Listen Year Three 1--Column 112

Today, I went out and bought School Of Rock on DVD. Good movie. As I was putting it into my DVD player, I looked at the DVD and on the DVD itself, it has a version of the cover of School Of Rock similar to many DVDs. On this cover though, they've put the ratings the movie has. One from the US and one from Canada. What is the American one? PG-13. The Canadian one? PG. Seriously, people, that may not seem that big, but just think about that for a moment. I mean, I saw the movie. It's a good fucking movie, but it's tame. It's got kids in it, and not like in Bad Santa where they're used to show how fucked up that one guy is, but in the kind of "This is a movie for kids with kids in it" kind of way, and it gets a fucking PG-13 in the US! See, don't go talking about you fucking own freedom and liberty, America. Yeah, you do a good job most of the time, but you don't own those twin sisters. No, those twin sisters are filthy little whores who like to get around the world, and it seems to me, they been liking what Canada has to offer them. Maybe it's because we're polite and open the door for them. Maybe it's because our apartment is nice and clean, but also has some good fucking rock music on the stereo. Yeah, back in high school, you had your way with them, America, but they're getting older and they want to settle down, and a guy who likes to go around picking fights just isn't appealing anymore. Freedom and liberty want a nice fella to take home to meet the folks. Now, Canada isn't perfect either. We still have the occasional slip up. We cheat on freedom and liberty too, but we're trying to change. We're trying to move towards the future. We don't want to look back and go "What were we thinking?" Come on, America. Get with the fucking program, you fucking pussies!

Lip-Service Freedom

Last week, the US State Department issued a report on the war on terrorism and in it talked a bit about Canada. While it praised us for helping and doing our part, it did suggest that well, we care too much about civil liberties. You read that right people. The United States Of America State Department said that Canada cares too much about civil liberties. Apparently, our police forces won't infringe upon people's rights enough for their tastes. That is the funniest and saddest thing I've ever heard.


This wouldn't sound too bad except that we all just heard how many months of the US proclaiming itself the champion of freedom? And here a GOVERNMENT organization essentially said that another country is more free than they are. How dumb do they come off saying something like that? So, America is the champion of freedom and Canada according to Pat Buchanan is "Soviet Canuckistan" and yet somehow Canada cares too much about civil liberties? That's some funny shit is what it is. Add to that the fact that Canada has less crime per capita than the US and it looks even more ridiculous in its own way. Less strict police forces, more freedom, less crime. But that would be inaccurate and over-looking the many factors which contribute to crime in the US. Still, it's a fun little thought, isn't it?

This all leads up to that magic question of is Canada freer than the United States Of America?

Well, that's a tough question and one I wouldn't dare answer straight off. Okay, I would: yes, Canada is freer than the United Sates Of America. Partially because of the government/state level as stated above, but also on a sociological level, I think. Let's be honest here, Canadians, on average, are less uptight about shit than Americans, on average, are.

Let's look at a few examples, shall we? Movies that are rated "R" in the US are often only rated "AA" here in Canada (the rating formerly known as PG-13). It's the same exact movie, yet here we allow younger people to see it because, let's be honest here, what's the big fucking deal? What fourteen year-old hasn't heard words like shit and fuck and hasn't seen some naked breasts these days? An Amish fourteen year-old, that's who, and they don't seem to care too much about what we rate our movies.

Let's see what else we got. Basic cable TV networks in Canada do not shy away from nudity and swearing. Imagine NBC showing The Sopranos at 9 pm uncensored. Or CBS showing soft-core porn after midnight. Welcome to Canada, baby! In the US, they couldn't get away with stuff like that without a shitload of watchgroups on their asses bitching about kids or something. Or how about Ed The Sock here in Canada versus Bill Maher in the US? Ed The Sock says things much more radical and "offensive" on TV here than Maher usually did and he's still got his show (which I should point out airs at an earlier time than Maher's did and features swearing and nudity).

Yes, these aren't examples of government getting in the way, just the people of the country. From a sociological point of view, Canada is easily a more open and free nation. Just look at our views on marijuana. Oh yeah, there are plenty of Americans sitting down there just worrying like hell because Canada may be on the road to *GASP* decriminalizing and even *DOUBLE GASP* legalizing marijuana! What's the big fucking deal about it anyways? And that comes from a guy who's never done it.

My point here isn't to badmouth the US. The US is a pretty good country when it comes down to it, it's just not the country it likes to think it is. It is not the home of freedom despite how much it likes to say it is. There are plenty of other countries out there with the exact same freedoms and many more. There are ones who don't have the same sociological hang-ups. And there are ones who don't feel the need to shout about it everyone's face (notice how I never write about any of those countries in my column). American may have been a pioneer of many of the freedoms of which I speak, but other nations took those freedoms and went further than the US is willing to go. Sorry. Tough break.