columns contact links

Shut Up And Listen 153

All Apologies

Sometimes I really hate this so-called society of ours. Let's all just jump up and forget about real problems an instead let's all just talk about a nipple. Or a puppet making fun of some people. Because that's real news. Because that's worthy of our time and our attention. Fuck real news like one hundred million dollars being stolen by the government from the people. That can wait until after we talk about a puppet. Fuck amazingly obvious questions about going to war. That can wait until after discuss at great length a singer's right nipple that was exposed in the middle of a sporting event that already gets far too much coverage for all the wrong reasons. If it weren't several weeks after the fact, I wouldn't feel comfortable writing this column.

And of course, what do these so-called "scandals" lead to? Dumb fucking apologies. I can't stand those standard cookie-cutter apologies. Especially from people who wilfully did what they did and obviously knew what was going to happen, because they aren't so fucking dumb that they thought people would stand up and applaud nicely. They made the choice to do it and they should stand by it. End of story. Fuck what other people think. Let them be offended. There is no inalienable right to not be offended. They don't like freedom of speech, tough. Yeah, they can express their concerns and grievances with what was done, but you don't owe them shit. Because ninety-nine percent of the time, these are the kind of people who wouldn't pay attention to you anyways. I'd bet good money that at least half of the people who were so outraged about the whole Super Bowl nipple thing are people who are so fucked up in their ideas of sex and morality that they've never even seen nipples on anyone other than themselves because they're deathly afraid to turn on the lights when they have sex. And the other half are probably people who are just hypocrites, because behind closed doors, they do far more fucked up shit than show a nipple with a piece of meal covering most of it anyways. Hell, my reaction was, "Why is something covering it?" And then, "Janet Jackson . . . eww." Seriously, she looks far too similar to her brother to be thought of as sexy. Next time, I just hope they get a hot chick to show her tits, and for there to be nothing obstructing the view.

I hate how apologies are doled out with this shit. I find that to be the most offensive aspect of any of these things. With that whole Triumph The Insult Dog bullshit, I was pretty cool with them until they apologized. The sketch was amusing and so what if people got offended? People need to get a better sense of humour. Hell, I've heard more offensive things said about French-Canadians at the Just For Laughs comedy festival held each year in Montreal. I can't stand the hypocrisy of "Oh, well, we can say it, but you can't." Just shut up and take it and stop being such fucking pussies.

I simply don't believe in apologies for things like that. I know I've said a shitload of things that some people would consider offensive, but I will never apologise for them. I may say that I don't agree with them now, but I won't apologise for them because I agreed with them at the time. If I said it, then at the time I stood behind it and therefore it doesn't require an apology. I know I won't apologise for saying something I meant. I don't care if people are offended or feelings are hurt. Why would I apologise for telling what I perceive as the truth? As I said, I may say at a later point I don't agree with it now, but that's different. I've said a lot of stuff I don't agree with totally anymore, but that's the way things are. Not sorry I said them though.

While I'm on the subject, I would like to address, briefly, the fact that so any people are so sensitive about shit like this. There are tons of things out there that offend me, but what do I do most of the time? Suck it up. So what if it offends me? I'm not so arrogant to think that I should write these people and demand that they do things the way I'd like to see them done. Yeah, I may bitch to my friends or here in my column, but that's all. Like there was that lady who was suing because of Jackson's nipple? What a fucking retard! First off, no one is forcing you to watch a program on TV whose basis lies in men physically assaulting one another over who gets to hold onto a ball, and rampant commercialism when that isn't happening. "Gee, the violence and consumerism was ruined by a shot of a breast . . . kind of." Please.

This is a sick society, people. Goddamnit.