Shut Up And Listen 146 Retarded: The Official Word Of 2003 For many I know, 2003 and was a horrible year with unparalleled rottenness and evil. Now, I’m no one of those people. Sure, there was a lot of bad stuff that happened this past year, but there was also a lot of good stuff, and honestly, if the good stuff didn’t outweigh the bad stuff, I’d have probably killed myself. It’s what any sane person would do, eh? Instead of doing one of those personal reflections people seem to always do around this time (and I have done in the past), I’m saying fuck you to all of that shit, because I do those kind of reflections all the time. On those cold nights where I just can’t get to sleep and my mind keeps on going. I couldn’t count the number of soul-searching sessions that took place in the dark with me huddled beneath my blankets, praying for sleep to take me, because dammit, I had to get up in three hours, and I didn’t get any sleep the night before. Besides, that shit is personal. Deeply personal. Anyone who does that kind of thing in public usually just wants attention. I should know, as that’s why I do it. No, my look back this year will be in the form of three lists: the best Canadian albums of the year 2003, the best non-Canadian albums of the year 2003, and the best albums that I got in 2003 that were released prior to 2003. I think that covers all the musical bases, right? And these lists are based on the albums I bought and liked. Fuck anything I didn’t get, okay? If your favourite album isn’t listed, well, sorry, but them are the breaks. Maybe mention it to me and I’ll give it a look unless I deem is horrible shit that should be cleansed from the earth. The Best Canadian Albums Of The Year 2003 Number nine: House Of Ill Flame by The Trews I was first exposed to these four fine lads by a music video on Much More Music for their song “Every Inambition” and it was pretty good. Nothing amazingly earthshattering in its brilliance, but it was a solid rock song, you know? Then I saw it a couple more times, along with the video for their song “Confessions” and I was impressed enough to take a look at their music. I downloaded a few tracks and was impressed. They had a ways to go before being big, but they had some skill. The album is a collection of old songs from previous EPs and some new songs. Kind of like a “Best of” for an indy band. These guys will be big in Canada in five years. Number eight: Cobblestone Runway by Ron Sexsmith So, I’m flipping around one day in the summer and I see Chris Martin from Coldplay singing in some video that wasn’t a Coldplay video. Yeah, that made me pause for a moment. The video was for a remix of “Gold In Them Hills” by Ron Sexsmith that Martin did vocals with Sexsmith for. It was a slow, touching ballad that conveyed the mood of one of those days where it rains all morning and it seems like a shitty day, but turns out to be one of the best days of your life. I picked up the album in Chapters one day when I saw it and fell in love with it (if only for the song “These Days” which critiques the modern ideas of romance and love as espoused in the media). This is something I’d recommend for fans of Tori Amos, Dido, and the like. It also comes with a bonus disc Grand Opera Lane, which was Sexsmith’s first demo, never released on CD. Number seven: Billy Talent by Billy Talent If you live in Canada, you would have found it impossible to escape the song “Try Honesty” in the late summer, early fall by Billy Talent. I think the term used for them is “scream rock” and it’s accurate. They’re a Toronto band that’s been around for a while, but this is their first real shot at the limelight and judging by this album, they deserve it. My favourite track is “Standing In The Rain” which caught me initially with the music, but then kept me listening over and over again to hear the story of a prostitute’s life after twenty years of being a prostitute. This is the kind of music bands like Good Charlotte wish they were capable of making. Number six: Hot New Spirits by Tangiers Another case of me seeing the music video and then downloading tracks, except these guys are too new and it took me three weeks to finally be able to download their lead single “Keep The Living Bodies Warm”. The next time I was in an HMV, I grabbed this album despite its hefty $22.99 price tag (although since they’re an indy band on an indy label, I didn’t mind so much). Well worth the money. This is some fucking good garage rock and better than ninety percent of the shit out there. Actually, it wasn’t until early December when I was listening to a mixed CD I had made when I realised that they sound a lot like Hot Hot Heat, but mainly in the similarities between the vocalists. My only problem is with the videos they’ve made. Both have sucked ass. Once they can get a decent video made, these guys should explode. Number five: Everything To Everyone by Barenaked Ladies Studio album number six for the boys from Scarborough (their eighth album including a live one and a “best of” album) and I’m still loving the music these guys create. This is an album without a lot of their usual catchy tunes, but more one that gets better the more and more you listen to it. After my first listening, I was like, “That was okay. I guess. Maybe.” But now, I love it. And I think that says a lot about the music. Honestly, it’s not that hard to make an album that’s catchy and instantly loved. Look at fucking Justin Timberlake. There’s a guy whose songs are catchy and you instantly find yourself nodding along to the beat before catching yourself and then being tortured by that incessant tune the rest of the day. It takes a certain maturity and subtle skill to make music that gets better each time you hear it. Number four: Talkin’ Honky Blues by Buck 65 Blame Chart magazine here. I buy it on a regular basis, and one month, attached to the front cover was a two song sampler of this album. So one morning, I get out of the shower and I usually like to play some loud music while getting dressed. Usually a song or two, so I stick the sampler in to see what it had. The first song, “Sore” was okay, I guess. Some better than average hip-hop with an okay beat. Nothing special. The second track, “463” though blew me away. For the rest of the week, whenever I was getting dressed “463” was on and I knew I had to get this album. Yeah, it’s hip-hop, but it’s like if Johnny Cash did hip-hop (and no, I am not the first one to say that). This is not fucking 50 Cent or Jay-Z or anything, this is some very serious, very poetic hip-hop. The kind of songs where you just sit there and go “Damn, I know exactly how he feels.” Also, it contains one of the best fucking road songs ever in “Wicked And Weird.” Number three: Avalanche by Matthew Good You all know Matthew Good, right? Used to be the frontman of The Matthew Good Band? Canada’s political musician? Well, if you don’t know who he is, learn. This was the first great album of 2003 and it’s a shame that it was mostly only released in Canada. The lead single, “Weapon” first appeared in late 2002 and it’s a song that starts out like you’d see him sitting on a stool, all alone, playing an acoustic guitar and then about a third of the way in, turns into him and his band just playing loud fucking music. But you know, with great lyrics. My favourite song is “21st Century Living” which is a combination of spoken-word and music where he talks about our “super-sizing” culture and offers the truly great line “I’d like a super-sized death with a Coke.” Probably, the best surprise about the album was access to a secret site where you could download the videos and other versions of songs. The soundtrack to “Weapon” (just the music without any singing) is fucking brilliant. Number two: lover/fighter by Hawksley Workman The official album of the fall. I listened to this album for a week straight after getting it. I bought it on a Saturday morning and listened to it all weekend, and then it was in my discman the entire week. The eleven songs on this album are eleven of the best songs I’ve ever heard. From the lead single “Anger As Beauty” which was horribly cut down for the video and radio to the wonderfully wacky and crazy “Addicted” the album is an hour of pure pleasure. It’s one of those things that I can’t even put into words. You just have to sit down and listen to really understand. The disc really has nine tracks, but has two bonus ones, plus is an enhanced CD with an unseen version of the “Anger As Beauty” video and a “making of” featurette. It also came with a promotional mini disc with “Anger As Beauty” plus little pieces of a few other songs on it that you’re supposed to give to a friend so they can sample the album. I still have mine, and if someone wants it, I’ll be glad to pass it on. Number one: We Were Born In A Flame by Sam Roberts Canada makes the best rock music. That’s a fact, you know. I’ve paid attention to music from other places and Canada makes the best rock music. And Sam Roberts is the latest Canadian band to make fucking great rock music. Where lover/fighter was the official album of the fall, this was the official album of the summer. When this album came out, I was so blown away, I told all of my American friends (because my Canadian friends didn’t need to be told) that I’d offer to give them their money back if they bought it and didn’t like it. That offer still stands. This is my favourite album of the year. It features three songs from their EP The Inhuman Condition, which was released last year and quickly made Sam Roberts known (two of which are new versions of the songs), plus eleven new tracks. Songs like “Dead End” (a song about a guy trying to find his way in life while being the family screw-up and not being able to really deal with girls) and “The Canadian Dream” (whose chorus goes “S-O-C-I-A-L-I-S-M is the only way / S-O-C-I-A-L-I-S-M is here to stay”) instantly resonated with me, while others took time, but eventually became favourites in their own right. I know I’ll never be able to hear the song “Taj Mahal” without thinking of someone ever again. In fact, I had the pleasure of seeing these guys live twice this past year and each time, they were amazing. They’re just another example of a fucking fantastic Canadian band that deserves recognition on the international scale, but don’t, while other shitty bands get it. So please, go out and get this album. You won’t regret it, because if you don’t like it, I’ll gladly pay you back (provided you have a receipt and send me the album--no, you don’t get to keep it if you want your money back, I’m not an idiot). The Best Non-Canadian Albums Of 2003 Number seven: Welcome Interstate Managers by Fountains Of Wayne The first time I heard “Stacy’s Mom” I wrote it off as a novelty song. Hell, I still kind of do. The song itself reminds me of something Weird Al would do. But after hearing some of their other stuff, I didn’t think of Fountains Of Wayne as a novelty band. I can see why they’d make “Stacy’s Mom” the first single off their new album, as it’s a catchy song that grabs your attention, but like most singles, it is not the best song off the album, and really doesn’t display their talents. The album isn’t brilliant, but like a few of the albums I’ve talked about, it shows potential. Number six: De-Loused In The Comatorium by The Mars Volta Back in August, I sent my friend Courtney a mixed CD of the big songs of the summer. See, she’s originally from Barrie, Ontario, but now lives in Missouri, so she’s been missing out on all the great Canadian stuff that doesn’t get played south of the border, plus the odd song that I just liked at the time. In return, she felt the need to send me a couple of CDs she burned, one by Motion City Soundtrack and this one, De-Loused In The Comatorium by The Mars Volta. This is definitely an album that requires a few listens to get into it. Songs blend into each other, the voice of the lead singer is often quiet and below hearing, the music is repetitive . . . but once you get into it, it is one fucking great album. I’d tell you some good songs, but I don’t know any of their names. Number five: Hail To The Thief by Radiohead “Only number five?!?” you cry and I say, “Yeah. Number five. Sit down and shut up.” This is a great album. The fact that I bought it and it’s on this list says that much. But it was also an album burdened with expectations based on previous works by Radiohead, and well, I don’t think it necessarily lived up to the standard set by previous albums. It’s an album that sounds good. It’s very easy to listen to, but Thom Yorke’s new style of writing lyrics for sound rather than content hurts the album at times, I think. My favourite songs would have to be “A Punchup At A Wedding” and “Myxomatosis” which are both fantastic songs. This is a transition album, I think, and the next one should be a fucking great one. Yeah, already starting with the high expectations. Number four: Welcome To The Monkey House by The Dandy Warhols I loved that great late-nineties classic, “Bohemian Like You” and when the chance to get this album came up, I thought, “What the hell? Lauren liked it. If it sucks, I’ll blame her.” So I got it and gave it a listen one lonely Wednesday on the way to school. The “intro” track “Welcome To The Monkey House” peeked my interest and then the second song, “We Used To Be Friends” had me nodding my head along, but also relating to the song about thinking about someone you used to be good friends with, but don’t talk to anymore. Another great song is “I Am A Scientist” which has almost a stutter to it, but in a catchy, good kind of way, you know? It’s also a pretty good record of the anti-religion move when it comes to the absolute embrace of science and how it’s all-knowing and all-powerful. Great album. Number three: Kill Bill Vol. 1 Original Soundtrack Holy fuck, a soundtrack made it to number three! Well, have you heard this soundtrack? It’s better than most albums put out by musicians this year. Quentin Tarantino has been known for his amazing soundtracks ever since Reservoir Dogs, but here we’re reminded why. This album has everything and yet it all flows well together. Any album that starts with Nancy Sinatra, and then continues with Charlie Feathers, The Rza, Isaac Hayes and then a short thing by Quincy Jones, combined with Japanese songs and obscure shit, and yet none of the songs seem out of place deserves to be this high on the list. Hopefully there will be a soundtrack for Vol. 2 and it will rock as much as this one. Number two: Speakerboxxx/The Love Below by Outkast I can’t believe I got this much great music for the same price that some people paid for that new Britney Spears album. I mean, it just seems like one of those “too good to be true” deals. Two people walk into a record shop, pay the same money and one of them walks away with forty minutes of crap and another walks away with almost two hours of great fucking music. I picked this double-disc album mostly for André 3000’s disc, but was pleasantly surprised by how great Big Boi’s was. Speakerboxxx (the disc by Big Boi) has a lot of fun hip-hop songs like “Bowtie” and “The Way You Move” but also has some good social commentary songs like “War” and “Tomb Of The Boom.” And The Love Below (André 3000’s disc) is the first “play while getting laid” album of the twenty-first century, I think. Both albums also have funny as hell interludes with “Bamboo” on Speakerboxxx where Big Boi had his three-year old in the recording studio with him, or “Good Day, Good Sir”, a Monty Python-esque routine and “Where Are My Panties?”, where André and some woman’s thoughts are shown “the morning after” on The Love Below. Oh, and did I mention the song “Hey Ya!”? You might have heard of it. It fucking rocks. Number one: Elephant by The White Stripes I’ve heard the riff from “Seven Nation Army” like twenty-seven million four hundred seventy-one thousand nine hundred and four times and I still love that song. That’s how good The White Stripes are. I would say more, but the music speaks for itself. If you haven’t gone out and got this album yet, do it. Do it now, you stupid, foolish person! Now! The Best Albums I Got In 2003 That Weren’t Released In 2003 Number seven: Cheater by Randy This six song EP was originally brought to my attention by my Swedish friend, Johan (who is also one of the artists of Superfucks). This is punk music as it should be, not that shit from Sum 41 or >shudder< Good Charlotte. Songs about youths devoid of morals, ambition, respect and that pretty much hate everything. Especially shitty music (as described in “I Won’t Play That Song”). They released a new album this year, I was just too broke to buy it when I saw it. Maybe sometime in January. Number six: International Superhits! By Green Day Green Day + greatest hits collection = Fun time by all. I also picked up Dookie and Insomniac, which I had on cassette, but this album was a great trip back to elementary school when I first heard Green Day. I kind of “fell out of love” with Green Day after Insomniac, and didn’t pick up any album after that, but this is a great collection for those singles I liked a lot from them. I’m especially glad that I’ve got “Nice Guys Finish Last” and “Longview” on the same disc. Throw in “Hitchin’ A Ride” and “Walking Contradiction” and you’ve got one fucking great collection. Number five: Music From The Motion Picture Man On The Moon 2003 was the year when I discovered the brilliance of Andy Kaufman. I think it was one night when I ended up watching a bio on him on the Biography Channel and was rather impressed with many of his “antics”. Then I obsessively began watching Taxi reruns, read a couple biographies on him and bought Man On The Moon on DVD, since it’s a movie about him. Hell, that Robert Andrews column I did was directly inspired by Kaufman. The soundtrack to Man On The Moon has all the music from the movie including “The Great Beyond” and “Man On The Moon” by REM, “Kiss You All Over” by Exile, the Mighty Mouse Theme, and all the instrumental music composed by REM, plus a few great extras like “This Friendly World” sung by Michael Stipe of REM and Jim Carrey (as both Andy Kaufman and Tony Clifton), “I Will Survive” as sung by Tony Clifton (Jim Carrey), and two songs actually done by Kaufman (“Rose Marie” and “One More Song For You”). It’s an eclectic album with something for everyone. Especially Kaufman fans. Number four: Up To Here, Fully Completely, Day For Night, Trouble At The Henhouse, and Music @ Work by The Tragically Hip I’m sure everyone has a band like this. You like them, but they aren’t your favourite, and you want to get all their albums, but there’s no big rush because you can get them anyone at anytime. That’s how I see The Tragically Hip. I’ve been a fan of theirs for years, but there were always other albums to pick up. Last year, I got a few and this year I got more. Still have a couple to get. The Hip makes some good music though and none of these albums let me down. If I were to choose my favourite, it would be Trouble At The Henhouse with such greats as “Ahead By A Century” and “Springtime In Vienna”. Music @ Work is also damn good with “Tiger The Lion”. Although if I were to recommend a Hip album, I’d say get Live Between Us, which is a live album and the closest thing there is to a “best of” collection. Number three: The Inhuman Condition by Sam Roberts This was the six-song EP that put Sam Roberts on the map in Canada with the hits “Brother Down” and “Don’t Walk Away Eileen”. It also contains the original version of “Where Have All The Good People Gone?” and three songs that didn’t get put on the We Were Born In A Flame album. I got it pretty much for those three songs and I wasn’t disappointed. I mean, it only cost like ten bucks, which was pretty good for three songs I didn’t have, but the original versions of two songs I did. “This Is How I Live” is the stand-out of the three songs, which is about a guy’s unapologetic behaviour in life. Definitely a must-buy for any fan of the band. Number two: The White Stripes and De Stijl by The White Stripes Thirty songs by The White Stripes. How can you go wrong? On their first two albums, they have a much more catchy, quick style where they give you a nice sounding song that lasts for a couple of minutes. You can hear the blues influence a lot more strongly on these two albums with songs like “Suzy Lee”, “St. James Infirmary Blues”, “Death Letter”, “Sister, Do You Know My Name?” and “Your Southern Can Is Mine”. The style is a bit more raw and less refined than on White Blood Cells and Elephant. You can definitely hear a progression of sound if you listen to all four albums. I’d also suggest going to their website and making a list of all the b-sides on the singles they released. Number one: Barely Legal and Veni Vidi Vicious by The Hives The Hives came into prominence when The Strokes, The White Stripes and The Vines did because they all are “the” bands, but really none of them sound alike. The Hives have a similar sound to Randy, which isn’t all that surprising since they’re both Swedish punk bands. The Hives do fucking good punk music and have the best song titles ever with songs like “a.k.a. I-D-I-O-T”, “King Of Asskissing”, “What’s That Spell? . . . Go To Hell”, “Theme From . . .”, “Uptempo Venomous Poison”, “Oh Lord! When? How?”, “The Hives Introduce The Metric System”, and the song included on the UK release-only compilation of the two albums, “The Hives Are Law, You Are Crime”. The music itself is amazing. The perfect walking music. I also downloaded some of their early stuff, some b-sides and a cover they did of “Back In Black” by AC/DC. Honestly, I can’t wait for their next release. And those are my picks for the best albums of the year in the three categories I decided upon. I’d suggest going out right now and buying every single album I listed that you don’t already own. You won’t regret it. And well, even if you do, it’s not my problem. Horror: The Official Word Of 2004 If you thought 2003 was a horrible year, 2004 will be enough to make us all go running off cliffs in large groups. And for the first time in memory, I’ll be sorry to be living in Canada. Americans think they’ve got it bad, but we’re gonna be getting a double-whammy this year. Not only will we have to deal with all the bullshit of the American presidential election, but we’ll have to deal with a federal election here at home that would make a right wing cream himself, while making anyone with any social conscience consider moving the Fiji. What we have going on is Prime Minister Paul Martin, the Joe Lieberman of Canada (ultraconservative in the wrong party for the wrong reasons) being forced to call an election because his government was never actually elected, and he’ll call it, but before the new Conservative Party of Canada is fully ready to go. But then the Governor General Adrienne Clarkson will deny the request, saying that the election will be held when they’re ready. Sadly. Yes, we are back to our lovely “two-and-a-half party” system with the Liberals, Conservatives and NDP. And with Paul Martin heading the Liberals, it will be quite similar to the US’ style of election where it’s a contest to see who can be the bigger conservative to win the right-wing vote while all the left-wing voters sit at home and cry over the horrible state of the world. And do I even need to tell you the horrors that are in store for America? You thought 2003 was bad? Well, Bush didn’t want to get re-elected then. You can’t judge how Bush will be on the stump this time by the 2000 election. Bush winning that was a fluke. Even if he didn’t actually win, he came closer than he should have. 2000 was mainly the Democrats fucking up. Gore should have been carried into the White House on a wave of Clinton love, but he fucked up and Bush got in. This year, Bush holds all the cards and is President during a time of “war”. If you don’t vote for Bush then you hate America and are nothing more than a dirty Commie terrorist! Seriously, I want Bush gone as much as the next guy, but let’s be honest, unless he fucks up in a big way, he’s going to win. And when I say “fucks up in a big way” I mean something along the lines of having sex on the White House’s lawn with the corpse of Checkers, Nixon’s old dog. Odds are, he could do that and get away with saying he did it to send a message to the terrorists about how Americans will not be intimidated by them. The thing we should worry about is when a Democrat gets within single digits in the polls. Bush is not going to make the same mistake his dad did, and he will actively campaign. When Bush was up for re-election, he didn’t hire back his campaign staff from the eighty-eight election or really try that hard to win. He had an attitude of “four more years, same old, same old” and he lost because of it. Bush II will not make the same mistake. He will be so overactive in trying to win that he will crush any potential opponent before they even become close to a threat. The fact that the Democrats support Bush more often than the Republicans doesn’t help. Fucking pussies. Yes, 2004 will be a year of horror and we’ll be lucky to survive it.