Shut Up And Listen 144

Holy Shit, They Caught Saddam!
It’s the same old story: I write a column blasting someone and then the next day they somehow manage to do something they swore they’d do for a long time. The latest example? I write a column bashing the fuck out of Bush and on Sunday fuckin morning, they capture Saddam Hussein. But you’re probably already tired of Saddam talk, aren’t you? Well, forgive me, as this is a weekly column.
	Firstly, I don’t see the capture of Saddam at this point as a victory for Bush. It’s a victory for the world and such, but the situation in Iraq is at this point beyond the direct influence of Bush. Like maybe if they managed to catch the asshole quickly, it would have been a political boon to him, but let’s give credit where credit is due nine months later: the military. It was all them. Not like it played out like this:

Int. We’re in the Oval Office. It’s late at night and the President, George Bush is sitting at his desk. His jacket is off, sleeves rolled up and he looks quite tired. He’s had a long day, but he still has work to do. He’s looking at a map of Iraq. He’s studying it with great fervour, just pouring over it.

BUSH
Alright…where is that bastard? Where, where, where? You can run, but you can’t hide, Saddam. We’ll find you yet, you asshole…

All of a sudden, Bush’s eyes go wide and he jumps up.

BUSH
I’VE GOT HIM!

 Bush rushes out of the Oval Office and screams with relief/revelation.

BUSH
HE’S IN TIKRIT!

And honestly, unless it did go like that, or something relatively similar, Bush shouldn’t get any credit beyond starting the war that eventually led to his capture. Sadly, so far, the capture of Saddam has been the only positive thing to come out of Iraq, so he is getting credit for it. When really, he should be getting credit for all the soldiers who have died because, you know, a large chunk of the Iraqi people don’t want foreign forces occupying their territory even if they did get rid of Hussein.
	Secondly, why is Hussein not being tried in an international court for crimes against humanity like Slobodan Milosevic is? You know, fuck all that “he committed crimes against the people of Iraq, so he should be tried there” bullshit. Because that’s not the real reason. The real reason is because if he’s tried in Iraq there won’t be any messy questions like “Where did Saddam get those chemical weapons?” And I think we all know who Saddam used to best buds with before he invaded Kuwait. But then, the US does like to ignore its history of funding dictators who kill tons of people and do so with US sanction as long as it doesn’t really impact the best interests of America. If Saddam Hussein was tried in an international court, there’s a good chance that the nations that supported and funded him would be brought in and were also held responsible. Not likely to happen in an Iraqi court that’s basically an American court with some Iraqi people up front, making it look all authentic and not at all just an exercise in American-Iraqi puppetry.
	But you know what? I’m glad they caught him (or one of his doubles, as that works just as well, doesn’t it?). The guy was an obviously dysfunctional human being who deserves to be punished for the atrocities he committed for no other reason than he could. And make no mistake, that was the reason for why he did most of what he did. Because he could. A scary thought, I know. But at least the world is without one more person with that particular ability.