Shut Up And Listen 125

The Truth About Robert Andrews
If you didn’t figure it out yourself, last week’s column was a joke. Satire. Me playing around to make a point. Pretty funny, eh? Heh.
	Most people got the joke and most people told me they thought it was funny. Some people got it was a joke, but just thought I was a weird freak. Some other people didn’t quite know what to think. And maybe even a person or two believed it. But despite what group anyone fell into, the most consistent and constant question I was asked was “Why?” Why would I write that column? What possessed me to do something like that?
	Um, I thought it was funny.
	It started the previous night when I was talking to my friend Lauren on the phone. We were talking about the various things we talk about and we got around to talking about the online world. During this, we talked about people who lie online. I told her that while I’m almost always completely open and honest, I think I could probably pull off lying online with great ease because I’m pretty good at remembering all sorts of small details that are needed in any good lie. We debated this back and forth for a while and moved on, but the seeds were planted.
	The next day, I went over to the library and I picked up two books on Andy Kaufman. When I came back home, I read the first half of one of them, Andy Kaufman Revealed! Best Friend Tells All by Bob Zmuda. Zmuda was Andy Kaufman’s best friend, writer and partner-in-crime for most of the shit Kaufman did. I read all about the various things those two cooked up, like Tony Clifton, Zmuda heckling Kaufman on stage or at press conferences and other pranks that they thought were funny. So, to be honest, I felt a little wound up and inspired by this. Reading about Kaufman, coupled with the discussion I had had with Lauren pretty much got me in the mood to do something very weird and fucked up with my column: pretend that I was someone else who made me up.
	Granted, to be 100% honest, that wasn’t the only idea I had. I had others that included lying about having cancer or being gay or something like that. I discarded them pretty quickly because they would just be outright mean and cruel with no redeeming points.
	And I do think that the column I ended up doing has a point. It wasn’t my intention to make people start questioning if online friends are telling the truth, but merely to once again remind people it’s a possibility. It’s something that I’m very much aware of, but that doesn’t stop me from going online and talking to people. But then again, I think a little paranoia is healthy.
	Although, I would like to point out that if you believed it, honestly, you aren’t that bright. I purposely made the column far more over-the-top than I needed to ust so it would obviously be recognised at the joke it is. Things like claiming to be not only myself, but Karl, Troy, Rick, Andy, and Ian as well was one such thing. Or really just considering the fact that I had written 123 columns previous, maintained a couple of blogs, and wrote a lot of comic-related things should have been another tip-off. Hell, the fact that I had established myself so thoroughly was part of the reason why the idea appealed to me. Someone without my past probably couldn’t have gotten away with it so easily.
	The best part of the column, honestly, was the aftermath. First there were e-mails from Troy and Rick essentially going “What the fuck?” Then over at a message board I post at, some people didn’t react too favourably to it, saying it was “in bad taste.” Of course, these reactions just made me laugh a lot.
	I had fun doing that column. I wasn’t planning on coming clean because I didn’t think it would be necessary, actually. That, and since I’m in Chicago right now (well, actually, I’m writing this on Tuesday, so I’m still at home) I was almost going to just not update the site this week and let the ruse go an extra week and then return as if it didn’t happen. But I decided against that. Maybe next time I do something like this.
	Extra points go to anyone who can explain the false name and location.