The Best Of Shut Up And Listen Year 2--Column 66

Fuck You, Jerry Falwell
When will intolerance become a non-legitimate belief? When will I be able to turn to a person who hides behind a religion or faith to avoid being held responsible for hatred and tell them “You are wrong”?
	I’m watching the Wolf Blitzer Reports on CNN right now and they are talking about a Nick News special that’s going to be aired tonight (Tuesday June 18—which isn’t tonight anymore, as I wrote most of this on the Friday) on Nickelodeon. It is a special that talks about same sex parents and children raised by those couples.
	That’s great. It talks about tolerance and not thinking of the children with two same sex parents as any different than children with heterosexual parents. Children are taught tolerance in every other area, gender, race, religion, age, intelligence, physical appearance, and others, but there is a bit of an uproar over this type of tolerance.
	I mean, who do I see but one Reverend Jerry Falwell taking his version of the moral high ground. No, he doesn’t HATE gays, he just considers them immoral and evil. The special is just a means to propel the gay agenda. How dare they show something that conflicts with millions of people’s legitimate views on what they consider to be a lifestyle choice! 
	Fuck you, Jerry Falwell. Fuck you and anyone who agrees with you. 
	Your views are not legitimate. They are vile.
	I’ll say this once and for all: your morality is shit.
	Let me ask you a few things, okay. Who have committed the majority of crimes throughout history? The “moral” or the “immoral?” If you chose option B then I’m sorry, you can longer play this game.
	That’s right! The “moral” people. The “holy” people. The “good” god-faring people have maimed, killed, slaughtered, raped, stole, judged, beaten, tortured, and done various other crimes all in the name of the lord almighty on high who is on our side and fuck anyone else.
	Fuck you.
	How is homosexuality against nature? Anyone? It occurs in nature with various animals, so you really can’t use that argument. It’s immoral? Well, gee golly, I was always told murder and all those other crimes that I listed above were too, and a whole lot of people in heaven committed them, so there goes that argument.
	What I see it coming down to is stubbornness and outright stupidity. Stubbornness at the hands of various religions around the world to get with the fucking times and pull their heads out of their asses. And stupidity at the hands of every person who subscribes to that way of thinking. 
Yes, you are stupid.
	Hatred is never legitimate no matter what flag you run it under.
	And for the record, it is hate if you say, “Oh, yes, I’ve got no problem with the gays, but I don’t want my child exposed to any talk about them and their filthy, evil ways.”
	What really got me was on the show when one guest referred to Falwell as a man of peace and love. Well, fuck her too, because she is full of shit.
	He’s a man of peace and love to anyone who is just like him and thinks just like he does. Sure, he talks a nice talk, but he still said various anti-gay statements. That is promoting hate, people. Not really peace and love is it?
	Now, despite appearances, I don’t have anything against people who truly practice their religions. You know, the ones that promote loving your neighbour and just being good to people. I mean, I am friends with lots of “faithful” people who genuinely live a good and decent life because of their beliefs. I’ve got no problem with them (well, except for believing in an imaginary friend, but I can ignore that if it makes them behave).
	It’s people who read the Bible as if it 100% literal. It’s the people who seem to think Jesus would love it if you went out and bashed someone’s head in because they go to a Mosque. It’s the people who think that my soul needs saving and keep knocking on the fucking door even after I’ve dumped warm piss on their head (okay, this hasn’t happened to me or anyone I know, but I’m sure it has happened somewhere).
	How many times do you have to hear the stories about Jesus and the prostitutes before you get less uptight about sex? How many times do people have to point out “Yo, uh, Jesus just hung out with dudes for like the first half or so of every gospel” before you start thinking “Hmm . . . maybe there’s nothing wrong with being gay”? 
	And yes, your god is an imaginary person. Prove he/she/it isn’t. Come on. I’m waiting. Oh, you can’t beyond a set of stories that were wrote thousands of years ago and passed down by word of mouth for a few thousand years before being written down by people who thought drinking the same water they bathed and pissed in was a great idea? 
	By this point, I’ve either got people nodding their heads or praying for their imaginary friend to smite me. Well, I’ve got bad news for that second group. Your imaginary friend loves me just as much as he loves you. Yeah, those are the sad facts. And he loves those evil gays too. Didn’t you hear? Your imaginary friend is an all-loving imaginary friend. 
	That must really piss some people off. The fact that their beliefs say that their imaginary friend loves people like me just as much as he loves them. I mean, listen to me! I’m calling their god an imaginary friend! I’m calling their faith bullshit!
	That’s the only thing I like about most of those religious beliefs. Well, and the fact that most of them stand for love and peace and shit, despite what a lot of the people who practice that faith say. Hey, and don’t say they don’t because I went to Catholic schools for fifteen years. Yes, despite their best efforts, I discovered the true meanings behind their religion (and no, it isn’t priests sticking their warty prongs up little boys’ asses).
	Damn, and this column started out as an attack against gay-bashing. Maybe you religious folk should get better PR people than the likes of Jerry Falwell and you won’t have people like me writing these columns every few months.
	Oh, and fuck you, Jerry Falwell. I can’t stress that enough.

Reverend Chad Nevett (which is something I find funny as hell, too)
June 21, 2001

Writer’s Commentary
To find out which six columns I was going to use I went through and read all of the past year’s columns and rated them out of five. In my readings of the various columns, I realised one thing though. I say fuck a lot. I mean, a lot. I’ve told tons of people in the past year “fuck you.” I would go through and count how many times, but shit, I don’t have that much free time.
	The funny thing is that I stand behind almost every single one of those “fuck you”s. Especially this one. Fuck Jerry Falwell. Seriously.
	Right now, I’m working on column 105, which I’m doing on post-modern morality and politics. I talk a bit about moral subjectivism, which I subscribe to a bit. You know, respecting different cultures and that shit. But I don’t know, after reading this whole year’s worth of columns I know I can’t really claim that in any big way. I mean, I feel free to judge tons of people. But then again, my beliefs don’t say I can’t judge necessarily (and no there’s no laws or shit written down, just me making it up as I go), just that I’ve got to recognise that I could be wrong and that there’s no absolutes.
	So fuck homophobes. I can’t stand those pieces of shit. I mean, how can they not like lesbians? Especially the men. Boggles my mind how they can’t like some of that nice girl-on-girl action. Fuck morality, that shit is hot. As for guys . . . well, I personally am not into that stuff, but some are, and I’m not going to tell it’s wrong when it obviously isn’t. I still don’t know what’s so wrong about homosexuals. I really don’t get it. Someone explain please.
	With some sort of proof beyond saying it’s immoral or unnatural, as morality is totally subjective and it is natural.
	Fucking Jerry Falwell. What a dumbass.