Shut Up And Listen 98

State Of The Union 2003
It’s January 28, the day before my twentieth birthday. The time right now is about 8:30 and the speech is scheduled to begin in half an hour. I just got finished watching the bonus footage on disc two of Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back (a movie that gets better each time I see it) and now I’ve got Connie Chung on where she and other CNN flunkies are telling me shit I know, pretty much. Except for something about a puppet show done in Iraq making fun of Bush, Clinton and Margaret Thatcher, which obviously shows that Iraqis are EVIL AND MUST DIE! The question on everyone’s mind is: will Bush talk about war on Iraq? The answer is: duh. Seriously, I’ve been watching some of the “pre-game” shit and these so-called analysts are morons, for the most part. They state the blatantly obvious as if it’s the most insightful commentary ever. Of course, I’m kind of the same way, but at least of an independent mind who doesn’t pull any punches. This column is going to be written as I watch the speech and will be fresh my brain to your computer screen without any censorship (like there’s EVER any censorship in my columns . . .). 
	GAH! I was just assaulted by some fucked up CNN graphic with some fucked up music. Why must they make those? I have nightmares featuring CNN graphics. The red, white, and blue engulfs me while blaring music deafens me.
	Amazing. The CNN people have just pointed out that things are different in the US this year than they were last year. These people really are fucking geniuses with their commentary. Wolf Blitzer just told me that Bush will definitely say that Iraq has nuclear weapons and that they support terrorism. Again, genius.
	And here he is: the Moron himself! (Applause)
	There’s something about Bush that makes me think I could kick his ass. I’m serious here. He always presents himself as a Texan, a real man and all that shit, but he seems more like a sidekick in some dumb college movie, you know? Like he’s only tough in a crowd, but one-on-one, he’s a pussy. But that’s just how I see him.
	I wish there was some way to turn off the CNN commentators, I really do.
	And we have the first standing ovation, folks! They will answer every danger and enemy that threatens the American people! Fuck yeah!
	. . . they will NOT pass along their problems to other countries? What the fuck? That’s what they’ve been doing for decades now. Fuck, most of the big problems in the world have come from the US.
	HAHAHAHAHAHA! America must have a strong defence! It must have great education! And it must have low, low taxes! He’s making a lot of sense, oh yes. The idea that taxes are bad has been engrained in Americans since they first broke away, but that’s shit. Taxes are not bad: the way taxes are spent is bad. But changing how they’re spent would just be crazy . . .
	The way to balance the budget is to make the economy strong, while increasing military spending and cutting taxes. Again, that makes a lot of sense.
	He’s been saying some good things throughout the speech so far, though. Mainly hollow phrases that sound good, sure, but at least he’s speaking English (a rare happening). He’s saying obvious things like money for Americans means more spending and people should have good healthcare. He plans to increase Medicare spending by $400 billion . . . and STILL WANTS TO CUT TAXES MORE AND SOMEHOW BALANCING THE BUDGET!
	He wants to help improve the environment through cleaner forms of energy being used and clean up air pollution. Hey, that’s good stuff, right? $1.2 billion to develop hydrogen-powered cars? What, was his speechwriter high? Government money to go against oil interests? That seems . . . so very wrong somehow.
	“Wonder-working power” . . . snicker
	$450 million for a mentoring program for kids. $600 million for the drug treatment of 300 thousand. More good money.
	In Afghanistan, they helped liberate and oppressed people and will help them rebuild their country and make it better. Educate their children and such. They WILL do this . . . because they haven’t yet.
	AIDS relief . . . damn, he’s leading off with the good stuff, isn’t he? I must say I’m impressed with what’s been said so far, but fuck, I’m dreading what’s coming up. And fuck, I’m dreading that all of this is just talk that will turn to shit.
	War on terrorism . . . OOH BOY! The good stuff! The US is winning it! Everyday he hears about a new threat, but they are defeating them! They have arrested over 3000 thousand SUSPECTED terrorists who are “no longer problems to our friends and allies.” That sounds so very wrong to me when combined with “One by one by one, the terrorists are learning the meaning of American justice.” (Applause)
	Six billion dollars to protect Americans from biological weapons . . .
	. . . fuuuuuuuuck! Self-righteousness is rearing its head again. America has saved the world from all the evils of the twentieth century! America is the motherfucking man! America is the best and you should suck its dick! Once again, I’ve got to point out that America didn’t jump into World War one or two until after nations like Britain, France, Canada and Russia had been fighting for YEARS. Fuck that self-righteousness! Fuck it hard! They didn’t stop Hitler alone and they didn’t even bat an eye at him until Japan bombed Pearl Harbour. So fuck that self-righteousness!
	Right now, I’m trying to listen and take it all in . . . 
	North Korea must not become like the US! It must not have weapons of its own! It must not tell other countries “you’re either with us or against us”! So says Bush.
	What a load of shit. Bush has just essentially said, “Yeah, uh, we, like, heard that Saddam, like has some weapons, and he’s, like, trying to get more. We were told by, like, people . . . who say they, uh, are honest. I mean, they’re more honest than Saddam, right? (Applause) Yeah. Uh, US Army football rules!” He really said they have no actual proof of any weapons that Iraq may have. All of their information comes from informants and intelligence agencies and from what I can tell, just pure speculation. Is that enough reason to go to war?
	America WILL liberate Iraq! It will free the Iraqis from the terrible regime of Saddam Hussein! All for the low, low cost of ten thousand or so lives. That sounds like a fair deal, right?
	Fuck, it’s ten! M*A*S*H is on! Fuck the end of his speech! It’s M*A*S*H for fuck’s sake! Back in a while . . . (And yes, that’s no joke. I am watching M*A*S*H instead of the end of Bush’s speech. He’s at the point where he’s praising troops overseas and all that shit, which seems to be him wrapping up with similar flowering rhetoric that he began with.)
	Damn, those were some good episodes. A nice two-parter where a USO troupe gets stuck at the 4077. Currently watching The Daily Show With Jon Stewart. I’ve been thinking about the speech and what was said, and here’s what I’ve come up with:

Taxes suck, spending for cool social programs must be increased, the military must get more money, North Korea should be just like the US, but not actually like them (meaning democracy and capitalism is good, but threatening the US’ claim on weapons, or anything else they’ve got is bad and must not happen EVER), Iraq definitely has weapons of mass destruction, but there is no actual proof of them beyond pure speculation and don’t mess with Texas.

Oh, and apparently, the US and its allies are arresting people who may or may not be terrorists (they decide based on the “information” they have) are being arrested and being shown “the meaning of American justice” (now due process-free to assist your terror-fighting needs!).
	Funny stuff. See you next year.