Shut Up And Listen 74

Just Because You’re Paranoid Doesn’t Mean They Aren’t Out To Get You
I am a very paranoid person.
	I’m not talking about alien conspiracies and black helicopters and all that shit, I’m talking about just straight paranoia. I don’t trust people. At all. Like ever. This won’t surprise my closest and dearest friends, because I’m pretty open about my paranoia. 
	Like the other night, I was talking to Troy via Yahoo! Messenger and . . . well, I was talking to his latest girlfriend for some reason. After she left so I could talk to Troy, and I made him prove he was him. I am not kidding; the first thing I said to him was “Prove you’re you.” He did so promptly, so I knew I could speak freely. I then expressed my belief that at first I thought his girlfriend was really him, just trying to get me back for something I had done the night before (I made a joke about having pictures of me and my cat engaging some sexual acts and he believed it), but I could tell it wasn’t him after talking to her for about a minute.
	People tell me things and even if I say I believe them, I don’t. I will let on to anyone who asks as if I do indeed think it to be the absolute truth. I will repeat it to people without their prodding and pretend it’s the truth. I don’t believe it though unless I know it’s a fact.
	I’m pretty sure that some people would see this as a personality flaw. Something that’s wrong with me. Maybe that’s because I’ve hyperbolized my paranoia a little. I do trust some people about some things. My closest friends and family, I do trust most of the time. Not all, as well, you’d have to be crazy to trust everyone all the time. Like when my mom tells me about her day, I believe that. No reason to lie about that, right?
	“Now,” you’re asking yourself, “how did you get this way, Chad? What horrific treatment made you the paranoid man you are today?”
	That is very simple: my friends.
	Not many of them are currently my friends really though. How did I come across these people as my friends? School and the fact that my options for friends were QUITE limited. I’ve addressed that particular topic in the past, but might as well reiterate it, eh? See, in elementary school and high school, there is a very limited amount of people with whom you are compatible for friendship. You knock off like 75% right away just because those are people you hate. With a passion. Then you take the remaining 25% and try to find those most like you. If you’re lucky you’ll find some great people with whom you can develop some great friendships. If you’re not, you find maybe one person with whom you share a lot in common and then a bunch of dickheads who you’ve really got no other choice than to hang out with. I’m sure many of you know what I’m talking about (and for those who don’t, I hate you, you bastards!). 
	I won’t bore you with the various times they showed I couldn’t trust them at all, but let’s say they were numerous and ranged from just not bringing back something I loaned them for months to just plain deciding they couldn’t be arsed to wait three minutes for me and decided to go out for lunch anyways. Things like that tend to make people untrusting of others. You know, things where people show they are untrustworthy. 
	See, though, I see this paranoia as a very positive personality trait. Yes, it is something that is very helpful in my life as it keeps me on my toes. Someone betrays your trust and it’s a shock. Someone betrays mine and I go “Saw it coming.” I tend to expect the worst, so only two things happen to me: I’m right or pleasantly surprised. Now, can you tell me how that’s bad? 
	But just for the fun of it, we will be doing a field study. I will report on what happened next week in my column (maybe not the whole thing, but at least a mention). See, this week I asked out a girl (yes, I did, no lie), and while she did turn done any prospects of dating, she did agree to see a movie with me as “just friends” as we are friends and all. I have no problem with this, as it is better than I expected (and I had some pretty damn bad worst case scenarios), but about four hours after this happened, my pessimism and paranoia kicked in. I couldn’t help but think that something would happen to derail this. Something like her just cancelling because she’s “too busy” or her “accidentally” bumping into a friend outside the movie theatre (which wouldn’t be that bad, but still a negative sign) or some other mishap. Next week, I will tell you what happens in detailed form, and maybe provide a little bit of a backstory on this whole thing.
	The question is now: am I paranoid or just right about the world? We’ll see next week, won’t we?