Shut Up And Listen 69

One Nation Under God
That’s the line that’s been causing some uproar lately, isn’t it?
	I won’t bore you with the details because they’re easy to find and you should know them by now anyways. But that’s the line in the United States’ pledge of allegiance that’s been deemed unconstitutional and well, some people seem to think that it isn’t.
	These people are what are known as wrong.
	It is unconstitutional. You’d have to be an inbred, retarded wombat not to know that. But it will not be removed. America is a Christian country despite what anyone says.
	The majority of the country is Christian. There has yet to be a non-Christian president (publicly—yes, some haven’t been privately, but that wasn’t discovered until after their deaths in most cases). Anyone see that memorial service after September 11? Conducted by a Christian minister while representatives from other religions sort of sat there and watched. The saying is “God Bless America” not Allah or Yahweh or Jehovah or Shiva or Buddha or Satan or Zeus or Odin or Seth or any other deity.
	So what if it’s unconstitutional? Since when has America really cared about the constitution? Hell, the only time I see anyone actually trying to defend the constitution it’s for gun rights or to get some criminal off on a technicality. Freedom of speech? Who cares! Separation of church and state? If you don’t like it, you can move to Canada!
	
George Bush, CEO Of Americorp (Ted Rall came up with that, by the way)
The other day I saw the funniest thing on TV. The Bush administration will now hunt down and capture criminals. That’s right, George W. Bush Jr. has come up with a radical idea for dealing with criminals: put them in jail. A genius, he is.
	Okay, this was the announcement that they will hunt down corporate criminals, but I still have to say “Well, duh!” A criminal is a criminal. Why is it really a big announcement when they should be pursuing these assholes already?
	The only answer is that no one expected Bush to say that he opposes corporate crime. It’s a big deal for The Moron to come out and oppose the crooked CEOs of America. I mean they DO pay him the big bucks to push their agenda, don’t they? The fact that this announcement made so many headlines just shows how commonplace Bush’s corruption is. EVERYONE was surprised. 
	Seriously, how can people have confidence and respect for the office of the president with this guy in charge? Fuck this whole war on terrorism, stick together shit! America, your president is not only a complete and utter moron, but he’s also a corrupt moron! This is the guy who has the power to launch nuclear weapons.
	Think about that the next time you vote. Think “Is this the guy I want in charge of the strongest military in the world.” Do it. It might help you get a good president sometime this century.

We Know You’re Here, We Know You’re Queer, And We Are Used To It
Yesterday an Ontario court said that it was illegal for the province to not accept homosexual marriages. Fuck yeah.
	But in that light, I’d like to talk about next week’s pride week celebrations here in London. Why are they still happening?
The thing is that around here it’s been my experience that homosexuality is accepted and doesn’t face that much scrutiny. Now, that doesn’t mean everyone is okay with it, but I’d say the majority is. Yes, there are some real fuckheads out there, but at this point they are the people whose opinions won’t change. 
	The thing about gay pride parades is that they produce three reactions these days: one of boredom, one of excitement at the fact that gay pride parade equals big ass party, and one of extreme hatred. Yes, the parades served a purpose before, but now they don’t beyond it being an excuse to party.
	And if that’s all it is, then hey, cool, but say that. My reaction to the whole thing is one of boredom. I think that the acceptance of homosexuals has gotten to the point where they really don’t need this anymore. It would be like if there were a black pride parade or a Jew pride parade.
	All those groups have people out there who hate them, yes, but most people know they’re just normal human beings and don’t give a rat’s ass what they do.
	Sorry, guys and gals, you won. You’ve gained our acceptance. Just thought you’d like to know.

A Message In This Time Of War
Hello, Americans. We are in a time of war with those who attacked us because they hate our freedom and liberty. These people have been corrupted by their leaders and taught to hate America. Well, that’s just crazy, isn’t it? How can any sane person hate America? Obviously we need to not only bomb the crap out of these people, but teach them that America is loving and compassionate and a great place to live. We must rain down on them with big ass bombs, but we also need to rain down on them with the constitution and the declaration of independence and show them how great we truly are.
	I want you to go out and spread the word: America is fucking great. She’s not just great. No, countries like Britain and Australia are great. America is fucking great! We’re the best in the world, by God, and it’s about time everyone knows it!
	And remember, Americans, God is on our side and we shall crush those backasswards people over in the Middle East and Afghanistan who worship those freaky gods with the allah ballah and ossa lama. When they attacked us they didn’t just attack freedom and democracy, they attacked Jesus Christ, the Son of Our Lord. And Jesus, he doesn’t like being attacked. No, Jesus he likes peace and being left alone to spread his message of love. So you can understand that he gets mighty pissed when some people who need his help the most start flying planes into His Country. Jesus, he likes love and peace, but he also believes in kicking some ass! Get out your Bibles and look up Luke 22: 35-38. Jesus told his disciples to go off and take with them a moneybag, a knapsack and a sword and if they didn’t have a sword, then they should go and buy one. That’s right, Jesus knew the importance of having to kick some ass in spreading his word!
	We’ve got to go out and tell these people that you don’t fuck with freedom! You don’t fuck with democracy! You don’t fuck with Jesus Christ! And you sure as hell don’t fuck with America!
	Thank you, good night and God bless.