Shut Up And Listen 67
By Troy Doney

Troy is the winner of the first “Become Someone On The Chevett Site” contest and is writing this week’s Shut Up And Listen column as his “prize.” Troy is also a former columnist at the site and his Obskewed View can be read in the archives. His views do represent those of the Chevett site and we do take responsibility for what is said.

Quick Fucking Recap or Fuck God And The Horse He Rode In On
“You are wrong, fucked, and overrated, I think I’m going to be sick, and it’s your fault. This is the end of everything . . .”
Hey human butt wipes, former columnist Troy here.  Some of you may remember Obskewed View, my very enjoyable column series, where I talked about whatever the fuck I wanted.  Then, I disappeared.  You probably aren’t wondering what happened to the sexiest columnist since Yelena Rossini, but I’m telling you anyway.
Summed up, the world still isn’t living up to the way I think it should be.  And now, more then ever, this is fucking pissing me off.  I could just ramble on and on about what’s pissing me off, but I think I’ll take the time out to point out the single most god damned fucking horrific piece of annoying bullshit I could possibly think of.  And I place my blame all on the world, because I can’t fucking bare to put all the blame on my friends shoulders.
First off, I am now a fucking atheist.  Before, I just flirted with the concept.  It was a good idea; made a hell of a lot more sense then anything else out there.  There’s no afterlife, no God, no Devil, and we are all on our own down here.  Scary, but honestly, it beats believing in fairytales about some pathetic deity that gets his kicks slaughtering people who don’t listen to him.  Who has the biggest body count in the Bible?  Who killed the most innocent, cute, little infants in the Bible?  Who tortured one of his own loyal followers to the point of death just to prove his point?  God, God, God.  If he is real, I’m fucking terrified of him; he’s Hitler with superpowers.  If he is real, I’d rather go to Hell and be force-fed my own intestines then spend all eternity praying to and obeying a creature that endorses genocide, pandemics, and outright slaughter of all opposition.  I am infinitely more comfortable with the thought that we are responsible for our actions, that there is just us.  I just wish the rest of the fucking world could see it that way.  Case in fucking point.
I have a good friend.  She’s stuck with me through thick and through thin, loyal as a hell, and willing to fight for you, tooth and nail.  And those fuckers brainwashed her.  She was looking for answers, you see.  Went to a Bible Camp with the intent of finding out what is up with life.  She came back a fucking Re-Born Christian.  The only good thing about a Re-Born Christian is the fact that they quit at one point.  So now, she’s a firm believer of the Fairy Tales again.  Do you know how much this pisses me off?  She’s fucking stronger then I am.  She was my fucking idol, and now, those assholes tricked her into giving up and just relying on the Great Big Head to solve all of her problems.  I’m not mad at her.  The only crime she’s committed is just being tired of all the shit coming down on her.  She’s happy now, and I should just stop and let her be happy, but god dammit it straight to hell, I can’t fucking let it happen.  She gave up, and is enjoying the bliss of hitting bottom.  And god dammit, even if I have to drag her kicking and screaming, I will pull her out of her fucking hole and teach her that, even if you aren’t perfect, you have to rely on yourself, because you owe yourself that fucking much, and I owe her a lot fucking more.
	You also want to know why I am taking her brainwashing so personally?  Because they are on my fucking territory now!  They should smell my urine on the walls, and now that this territory does not belong to disillusioned zombies who can’t stand to deal with reality!  I know that I probably won’t succeed.  I know that even if I did, I wouldn’t have made a single fucking dent in the goddamn Christian War Machine.  But you know fucking what?  That really doesn’t matter.  What matters is, even if I don’t win, I’ve stopped those fuckers from getting at least one.  And you have no idea how much that means to me.  
	You listening, you imaginary piece of shit, aka God?  I’m gonna deprogram one of your victims, I will drag her out the dungeon you put her in, she will learn to rely on herself, and will be so much better off without you.  
	Yeah, I sound fucking callous.  I sound uncaring.  She’s happy, Troy, just let her be.  Fuck that.  I see this like snorting crack to get away from reality.  Religion is a fucking drug.  And I am one big rehabilitation clinic.  
	Now I’m going to go off and make someone’s life a lot fucking better.  Wish me fucking luck.  I’m about to give Heaven all the Hell I’ve got.