Shut Up And Listen 53 I'm sorry, but this week's column will not feature my piece on Bush, but it will be in next week's. This week I've chosen to focus on the Ontario PC Party's election, and the Canadian Alliance Party election instead. America can wait; I'm going to start this year off with Canada. Friday Night Blues Right now, Tony Clement is speaking in Toronto. He is speaking of his past. He tells us how he came from a poor background. He started in the mailroom, you know. Then he worked his way up, eventually to party president of the Progressive Conservative party of Ontario. He tells us how he got a call one day from Mike Harris, the outgoing premier of Ontario. About how the party was six million dollars in debt. How no one cared about their ragtag party. But they, like him, got stronger and now stand atop Ontario politics. And with Harris leaving, they must remain strong. Clement is trying to become the new leader of the PC party, and therefore become the premier of Ontario in tomorrow's election. Let's get one thing straight, I hate the PC party. They, and their "common sense" platform have fucked over Ontario repeatedly since 1995 when they got the majority government, and kept in 1999. "That's what makes this party different. Other parties don't have a Mike Harris to succeed." Mike Harris is a man who cut education. This is a man who cut healthcare. This is a man who has had, I believe, five or six strikes while in power. This is a man who sold off a major Ontario highway, which now makes a huge sum of money for a private company. This is a man who is selling off Ontario electricity to the private sector, and no longer making it the government's responsibility even though it has caused huge problems elsewhere. This is a common sense conservative. Clement speaks of updating the healthcare system that doesn't work currently (he's the health minister, you know). I find that hilarious. Here we have the health minister saying the current system, which was implemented by the PC party, sucks shit, but don't worry, because NOW they know what to do. Now they know what's wrong with the system and they know how to fix it. Forget the mistakes they've made and listen to them now. I mean, they should be due the right idea now, right? I was just privy to an interview with a mother and her small little baby. This, along with other shots of small children at this fucking place makes me think of something Warren Ellis wrote in Transmetropolitan once: "I want to kill everyone in the room, even the children. Especially the children." Political rallies are not the place for kids, pure and simple. I don't care what your views are, but children should not be exposed to that much bullshit. That's the shit that's going to warp their brains, not sex or swearing or violence. Politics are dirty as shit and possibly one of the worst things to exist in our world. Don't get me wrong, I love politics, but I also love swearing, and violent TV shows, and sodomy jokes. Exposing your kids to what I see isn't the best way to raise them, you know. But, before Clement, I got to see Jim Flaherty speak, and it was the first time I've ever said "Fuck you" to a person on TV in all seriousness, as if they just insulted me in a very personal way. He did what many conservatives do: he called liberals weak. Not liberals, as in the Liberal party, but liberals, as in people to the left on the political spectrum. Let me get one thing straight: just because we don't believe in creating a bloated military, preferring to not beat the shit out of protestors, or shitting on education and healthcare, does not make us weak. Let me tell you a story, if I can. I know some people who are strong, physically. These people could beat the shit out of me without even trying. But they are weak. They need pills, and alcohol, and drugs to live day-to-day. They can't handle the real world. They are the people that just say, "Fuck society," and see it as evil even though they have benefited the most. They are the people who can't solve their problems through any other way than aggression and violence. These are the people who I hear say, "bomb this" and "bomb that." These are the people who say things that I won't repeat because I find the phrases to be so disgusting and offensive that I can't believe they still exist in my country. I see a lot of these people in the conservatives, and vice versa. They are strong on the outside, on the surface, but underneath, inside they are little kids who still have a lot of growing up to do. "Common sense conservative." That phrase keeps running through my mind. It just doesn't ring true. Conservatism often relies on tradition, and tradition rarely calls for thought. Tradition tells you to sit down, shut up, and do it this way. Where does common sense factor in? Flaherty supporters wear red. Red is the Liberal colour. PC is blue. Flaherty just spent twenty minutes bashing the Liberals. Heh. I turned off the TV after seeing just two speeches. I had missed the first one, which was by frontrunner Ernie Eves, and after seeing Flaherty and Clement speak, I couldn't bare to watch anymore. There is only so much a guy can take of that crap. Tomorrow is the election. By the time I wake up, the polls should be closed for the first ballot (they're open from eight to eleven in the morning), and maybe a winner crowned, as the second ballot (if necessary) is scheduled for 1 pm. My sister asked me who I wanted to win, and all I could say was "I hope they all lose." But if somehow Flaherty wins, this column will end with eight thousand fucks. Saturday Afternoon Blues We're waiting for the first ballot results, which should be announced momentarily. Ernie Eves just arrived at the convention floor and the entrance was an act of utter arrogance. I've been watching since about noon when coverage started, and now it's 1:20 and every candidate has spoken already to the reporters. They've been there since early on, but Eves just arrived. CBC Newsworld have been talking to various supporters of each candidate, and I love how every person thinks their candidate will win. Every supporter says the same thing: "[Enter name] is the future of the party and the people will see that. [Enter name] will be on the second ballot and [enter name] will draw supporters there and win." Politics is a sport. Never forget that. I'm looking forward to what happens before the second ballot—which I believe will happen—just because of all the deals that will be made with the people who are knocked off. In this system, the last place finisher, and anyone who gets less than 10% of the vote are eliminated. It looks like Tony Clement could take the second ballot because of deals and people going to him, even though it's estimated he'll be in third on the first ballot. They're announcing the results an hour late now: Eves got 41%, Flaherty got 29%; Clement got 13%; Whitmer got 12%; and Stockwell is gone with 4%. That means only Chris Stockwell is eliminated for sure, and we're going to a second ballot. And both Whitmer and Clement have taken their names off the second ballot and joined the Eves camp. Only they did it too late, so some people have voted for them already, and some people are going over to Flaherty too. But it does look like Ernie Eves will win this. About five or ten minutes until the results to this ballot come in, and the question is whether or not the people who voted for Clement and Whitmer before they joined Eves will offset the results enough to warrant a third ballot. They were talking to Clement and the reporter asked what Clement is getting from Eves. Did he ask for a cabinet position? Clement, of course, said that he'd let Eves decide that, but we all know he's getting a cabinet position in Eves' government. And here it is forty minutes later and they still haven't announced the results. These things are taking fucking forever. The third ballot was scheduled to begin at 4:30 (if needed), and here it is an hour later and the results of the second ballot aren't in. And here they are, about a minute after I wrote that paragraph . . . well, after the people who are going to announce them stop thanking everyone involved and praising the PC party. And he has the results of the second ballot. And Ernie Eves got 54.6% of the vote and Flaherty got 37.8%. So it looks like Eves is the new Premier of Ontario, folks. They're going to have some shit after this, and I'm debating about whether or not I want to watch it. Honestly, I wish this was something else, because I couldn't stand to listen to all that Tory (PC nickname) bullshit for the past couple of days. There was only one good thing about this goddamn election: Jim Flaherty did not win. I'm not happy; I'm just not pissed off and in a murderous rage. Rejoice homeless people! For you shall not be arrested today or tomorrow. Fuck yeah. The Day's End Earlier this week, Stockwell lost the Alliance party leadership election to Steven Harper. So, the two guys I wanted to lose (one in each election) lost. But I don't think I won either. I have this nagging feeling that Harper will be worse than Day somehow. Or that Day will be back. Sometimes I really hate politics.