The Best Of Shut Up And Listen: Year One 6—Column 46

This was the best column of year one bar none. I don't believe in fate, but if I did, I'd think this column 
was fate. On my nineteenth birthday, idiot George Bush gives his state of the union address, while I happen 
to want to watch Fraser, and have my laptop handy. The column had to be good. And I wasn't the only one 
who thought so. This was by far, my most well received column to date (besides interviews I did). Hell, 
even a few of my real life friends felt the need to e-mail me up and say they liked it.
	I'd really like to think that writing a good column involves more than calling Bush a fucking 
moron, but this one proves it doesn't. The main appeal was my bashing Bush as most of the people who 
tune in here week after week, think a little like me. But I like this column because of how I wrote it. I think 
it captures my ranting style the best of any columns because I wrote while watching. You were the friend I 
made sarcastic remarks to while watching it. This was as live as the column gets. Usually, I have a plan of 
some sort to what I'm going to write about in the coming week, but this one was all on-the-spot.
	Of course, this style also made the column suffer in some parts. There are some rough spots that 
I'd either edit a lot or just want to expand on, but what's done is done and I'm very pleased with what's 
done here.
	Bush is everything I call him here and more. How the majority of Americans don't see him for 
what he really is still eludes me. But then again, how anyone can listen to Britney Spears on purpose and 
still respect themselves eludes me also. Here you have a guy who did enough coke to kill a horse, has an IQ 
that is smaller than my shoe size (13), has made mistake after mistake, but because some morons crashed 
some planes into some buildings, he is beloved by everyone. The conspiracy theorist in me has begun to 
question the whole September 11 attack and if Bush was involved. I know, I know, that sounds horrible, 
but he has benefited far too much because of it, and there have been signs that they were preparing to 
invade Afghanistan long before what happened. It's kind of like those comic stories where a hero who is 
down on his luck, creates a menace that he can defeat so he can play the hero.
	Let the other guy hit you first and you look like a good guy when you kick his ass. Basic 
psychology, and a spin-off of my plan for if I ever get in a fight—don't fight back at all and he'll just look 
a huge idiot (hopefully).
	But I'm rambling again . . . If you support Bush, I suggest you rethink it (and your love of Nixon, 
most likely), and then possibly try and find out how intelligent you really are.
	"But Chad, your hatred of Bush is just you opinion, where do you get off calling me dumb for 
disagreeing?"
	Here's something that my friends and me have discussed a few times: if you have an opinion on 
something, you obviously think you're right otherwise you wouldn't think it. And therefore, anyone who 
thinks opposite of you is wrong, in your opinion. People try to dress up that fact by saying they consider all 
sides, and opinions are neither right nor wrong, but logic disproves that. At least from a subjective 
perspective, that is. 
So, if you like Bush, you are wrong. Logic says so.

Bush's Speech
Bush is a cheap hack. 
It's twenty after nine on my birthday and instead of studying for tomorrow's physics and law 
exams, I sit here and watch Bush on CNN. He's been talking for ten to fifteen minutes and so far he's said 
very little beyond obvious facts or cheap tactics to get a rise out of the audience. 
Ah, he's finally started to get into the "real" speech. Oh, wait, another cheap tug at the heart of 
every patriotic American, and he gets a standing ovation. He's been doing that for a while now. Talking 
about how strong America's military is, or how people have given their lives to protect freedom (you know, 
like the guy who was wounded by friendly fire).
	He talks about the regimes of the world and I have the urge to find his speech online later and 
twist these lines against him, but that would be a cheap tactic. I do find it dubious that . . .
	Dammit, Tubby Bitch phoning to ask about the law exam's time and to wish me a happy birthday.
	Bush just said something that I almost laughed at, if t wasn't so sad: something along the lines of 
how his budget plan to help American and her citizens become strong and profitable. Well, shit, and here I 
thought he'd say the opposite.
	The people let him talk for about forty seconds, then stand up and cheer. Each time they do this, he 
reacts in one of two ways: with total bewilderment and almost anger at them interrupting his speech, or a 
huge smile that says, "Dance, you bitches, dance."
	"To protect the homeland." He mentions that while talking about the economy. Where have I 
heard that phrase before?
	He keeps mentioning the war. The war on terror. The war against terrorism. The war against 
America's enemies. But the people being held by US forces are not classified as POWs. Sure, the US is 
fighting a war against them, but when they're caught, there is no war.
	And now he's trying to do the public attempt at making peace with the Democrats. Hell, he even 
thanked Ted Kennedy. Hillary Clinton is bobbing her head and clapping, with no sign of Bill.
	I do love this America first policy. America must become dependent on itself, and not other 
countries, but to survive, it must trade more.
	"But when the checks arrived in the mail, most Americans thought tax relief was just right." I 
wonder how many Americans realize that tax cuts aren't necessarily good? Sure, Bush can say "I want to 
make education better, and more jobs for more Americans, but I'm also going to cut taxes, but not change 
the way the federal government spends money in pointless ways. Not to mention all the increased military 
spending." But where does the money come from?
	That smile again . . . dammit, it makes me sick to think of how many Americans are sitting at 
home, copying the people in that room (clapping and cheering every thirty seconds).	
	Before he showed up, on ABC, they were talking about how Bush had a shitty approval rating at 
this time last year and . . .
	A what??? A cleaner environment??? MOTHERFUCKER! This is the bitch who backed out of 
the Kyoto Treaty! And now he talks about a cleaner environment? Fuck him!
	The Freedom Corps? Damn, I'm having Babylon 5 flashbacks . . .
	So, yeah, Bush had a shitty approval rating last year, and now he doesn't. Well, I can tell you this: 
Charles Manson would have a huge approval rating right now if he was president. That's the way American 
culture is right now. The person in the office don't matter to most right now.
	And, yes, what the US did in Afghanistan did some good, but they shouldn't be praising 
themselves too much for helping out the oppressed women there, as they've let it happen for how many 
years before this? And how long would they have let it go on if the terrorist acts hadn't happened?
	Note that Bush does not mention Ashcroft and his harassment of innocent people. He doesn't 
mention the investigations or those scared shitless that they might just disappear in the night.
	Heh . . . Bush starts talking about god and this priest they're showing just keeps looking bored out 
of his mind. Him and this lady stand to clap and they look like walking zombies.
	And he's done. Forty-five minutes of crap.
	We have seen the enemy and he is Evil. So says Bush. We must fight the "axis of evil!" We must 
kill the "forces of evil!" But what of those who consider America to be evil? Evil is evil.
	War, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war!
	Back to the regimes. I find it dubious, in a little way at least, that Bush talks about countries that 
let their people starve and suffer while those in power grow rich and spend tons of money on weaponry. 
What's the homeless count in the US? How much is spent on military shit in the US (ask Troy, he'd 
know)?
	That's the one thing that amuses me the most about political speeches: no one ever focuses on 
what is not said, unless the politician is ducking on purpose. All they focus on is what the pol says (unless 
he's ducking a recent scandal).
	That's all I've got to say for now as the Simpsons are on and I've got studying to do.
	Oh, yeah, I should probably stick some sort of warning on this: uh . . . Warning! This column was 
written by a Bush-hating Canadian who feels no patriotism for the US, so talking shit to him about this 
column and his opinions will just amuse him and his friends (some of whom are Americans, too, but also 
feel the same way). So, yeah, this column is slightly biased against Bush. Beware!