The Best Of Shut Up And Listen: Year One 3—Columns On Comics This can be sub-titled as Let Me Tell You Zero. Here are the column bits that led to me doing the Let Me Tell You column on comics. I'm a lifelong comic fan, so I began talking about them briefly at the end of my column each week, and using that piece as promos for message boards. I'd post the comics section and then a link. It worked pretty well. Then after about two months of doing that, I saw a website advertising for some columnists, so I applied and began doing Let Me Tell You. It was pretty damn cool, doing a column on comics, and doing it for someone else. But sadly, after a few months, I couldn't stay with the site as it was racked with problems when it came to updating weekly, so I moved the column to a message board for a while. Until I got banned (not for the column) from the boards (I've since returned). This caused me to decide on where to host it next. If you know me, you know that I'm lazy, so I decided that it would be a lot easier to post it on my forum, instead of weekly on the site. It's been there ever since and has been doing fine. Added also are two of my condensed comics that were going to appear in a Let Me Tell You, but I stuck in Shut Up And Listen as a teaser. Actually, one of these days I'll do another Monarchy one or two, as I think it's a series built for generalizations and condensing—all the great ones are. Comics Now I realize that some of you who read this also read comics, so I thought I'd talk about them a bit if you don't mind. My likes, dislikes, thoughts, whatever. ****************************************************************************************** Marvel is doing some good stuff right now. They're getting top-grade writers and artists. They're doing new and innovative things; like dropping the damn code and publishing a "mature readers" line. They cancelled X-Man, which was dumb. Okay, so they've done something dumb, but that's been about it. They've got Ennis, Morrison and Millar all writing a bunch of books for them, which may be the smartest move they've made yet. Not convincing Warren Ellis to join up is another dumb move, but I think they'd have had to offer to just publish the books he's doing at Image without any editorial interference to get him. ****************************************************************************************** The new Authority was good. Tom Peyer followed his predecessors' style perfectly and should be commended. It seems that right now the publisher that's coming out with the most "must read" books is Wildstorm. This is pretty surprising considering their roots in Image. They've got The Authority, Planetary, The Monarchy, Gen13, Wildcats, and the upcoming The Establishment. All excellent reads; even Gen13. They've got great writers and may be the best publisher out there right now. ***************************************************************************************** Still haven't picked up anything by CrossGen. They seem too early Image for me. They're doing other genres super hero style and that won't work. You can tell they're doing super hero comics under the guise of non-super hero comics. The style of them is the same as almost every comic I've ever read. They'll pass. They seem finite. ****************************************************************************************** The latest issue of Rising Stars had the word "shit" in it. Good. ****************************************************************************************** It is my belief that Wizard is trying to eliminate all competition for Marvel, CrossGen and Black Bull. Look through an issue and notice what they hype up the most. Sure, they promote a bit of DC that's really popular or involves Kevin Smith or Alex Ross or Vertigo. Oh, and for future reference: Kevin Smith and Alex Ross are good, but they are nowhere near the best. I find Ross' art stale and it hasn't improved at all since Kingdom Come. He needs to just stop doing comics for a while and just work on improving his craft. I like Smith's movies and his comics attached to those movies, but his super heroes are stuff that I could care less about. His name sells the books and people seem too star-struck to actually give an honest review I think. I've read an issue or two of Daredevil and passed. It wasn't all that good. ****************************************************************************************** Rising Stars is a good comic, but it's not great. I really liked it at first, but then it got boring. The majority of the second act except for the first and last issues of it were crap. The recent issue was good, but it seemed to be a rip-off of every other super hero comic where the hero takes it upon himself to rid the world of nuclear weapons. On a side note, wasn't that impressed with JMS' Spidey either. He seems to be reliving themes he explored quite well on Babylon 5. "Who are you?" For those who've read issue 30, you'd know that that weird guy Ezekiel said that, right? Watch B5 and see how that question is asked to the hero by another really old guy who knows the Big Picture. He's just repeating himself. Comics Pt. 2 You know, I've decided to do this every week now. Comics are a big part of my life, so each and every week I'll be speaking my mind on them. ****************************************************************************************** In regards to last week, I was thinking about some more about JMS' Spidey and I realized something else that applies to a lot of comics. These character have been around for decades in our world and around five to ten years in their worlds. Why is it after so long a writer will always introduce a character that knows the secrets of the hero and has always known but has been waiting for the "right time?" "Oh, he's been in mortal danger a thousand times before and the knowledge I bring could have made things easier on him then, but I think now is the right time." That's shit. What would have happened if the hero died in one of those past instances? No real person would do something like that. Okay, some would, but for the most part I think it's shit. ****************************************************************************************** There was an article written this past week that I read off a link from the Wizard World Message Boards. In it the writer explains his lack of understanding of why comic creators long to write or draw their favourite character instead of doing a better story with creator-owned characters. Any story you can tell with Superman, odds are you can tell a better one with a character of your own creation and with less editorial interference. I agree with this. I don't have a lot of ambition to write existing characters, except for maybe the odd mini-series or special. It's been my experience when I take a story that I've written with my own characters and translate it to existing characters or vice versa, the story with my characters is always ten times better. Firstly, just because of the dialogue. You can't make Superman say shit or fuck. Real people say shit and fuck. Secondly, editorial interference. Companies won't let you do certain things with their characters because they don't want to tarnish the reputation or whatnot. It's my belief that early in his career, Spider-Man punched through a few crooks' skulls by mistake. He didn't know his own strength that well. Would Marvel ever let me do a story about this? No way in hell. I've plotted out a 12 issue mini called Villain, which uses the archetypes of pretty much every major super hero out there. I've also seen how to make it into something I call Justice League Authority. I get to write both, now which do you think will be stronger? The one where I use my own characters and get to do whatever I want; or the one with well known and loved characters where odds are I'll be told every step of the way to change this or change that? The second may sell better because of the characters used, but the first will be better. But that's just my opinion. ****************************************************************************************** X-Men fanboys crack me up. I can't go on a message board these days without seeing some X-fanboy telling me that the X-Men are supreme and call destroy anyone. Now, I don't want to get into a big thing here, and I really didn't want to get dragged down to this level, but I can't stand it anymore. The X-Men for the most part have shitty, weak-ass powers. I'm sick of hearing how Wolverine can beat anyone. PUT ABOUT FIFTY ROUNDS OF BULLETS THROUGH HIS EYES AND SEE IF HE CAN RECOVER WITHOUT ANY BRAINS. I'm sorry, lost control there for a minute. While I'm on the subject of the X-Men, I'd like to say a few things about the new creative teams. Many long- time readers don't like Morrison or Casey's writing. I loved Morrison's first issue; Casey's was okay. People complain about Morrison's "lack of proper characterization." I, for one, am glad Morrison made the X-Men grow the fuck up and evolve past kiddie comics. You wanna know what writing is wrong with the X-titles? Claremont's. When asked to do an X-Men story for Marvel Knights, Garth Ennis researched the X-Men a bit and then turned down the story. Why? "I read about all these ridiculously dressed characters doing unlikely things and talking and talking and talking while they did it. It was the weirdest damn experience." That's what Claremont is still doing. His plots are good, but his text is way too heavy. I don't need to read about what the character is doing when I can look at the goddamn picture! What's the artist there for then? And go buy X-Force, the lot of you. Best new comic out there, with the best concept out there. Comics Pt. 3 It seems yet again I will be nit-picking JMS' Spider-Man stuff. I don't know why, but I feel the need to tear down almost anyone Wizard glorifies. I love Babylon 5 and Rising Stars is good, but his Spider-Man has just left me cold. ****************************************************************************************** I was reading JMS' interview in Wizard from a few months back and remember a debate that was going on on one of the message boards I visit. It was about maturing characters and getting away from their roots. JMS was saying how he was taking Spidey back to his roots; he's teaching a class at the high school to get back that dynamic that was present in the early days; getting rid of Mary Jane so Peter can have all his romantic woes; shit like that. I think this is the dumbest thing that I've ever heard of. I'm a guy who likes realism in his comics and real people change, live with it. Sure, the old Peter Parker was great, but he's grown and matured and changed. With all his experiences he should be a very different person than the one we met almost forty years ago. Change in comics isn't bad. People want change. Why did so many people buy all those Superman events where he was changed dramatically or the Clone Saga? Fans don't want the characters to stay the exact same because the fans don't stay the exact same. The only problem I see with the changes are who does them. When you're gonna change Superman by giving him new powers or whatever, you damn well better make sure you've got the best people doing it. DC didn't, so it failed. The editor should be able to say without lying that they've got the four or five best writers and the four five best artists on the books. DC had the same group that had been on the books forever. They aren't bad writers or artists, but they weren't the best. The concepts were great, but the execution sucked. Same with the Clone Saga. If Marvel had gotten the nest writers to come aboard and do it originally, than it could have been great and could still be around and affecting Spider-Man, but it's not. Spider-Man is exactly where he was before he married Mary Jane. It's like an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation and that every story gets them back to a place where it's like nothing happened. DC seems to be on the right track right now. They're making changes to their universe and have hired good creators to do it. Many don't agree with what they've done, but for the most part I like the idea of Our Worlds At War. Guy Gardner's death is one of the things that I wasn't a fan of. Aquaman dying is great. I hope they don't bring him back. Leave him dead; let someone else take over for him. Like Jeph Loeb has said, it's war, people die. Hopefully the consequences of this crossover will long-standing unlike every other crossover that's ever been done. Hell, even the effects of Crisis and Zero Hour have already been erased. ****************************************************************************************** While I'm on Aquaman, I just wanted to mention something that's bothered me about the guy. He lives in the ocean and yet he's got long hair and hair on his chest. One would think that a guy who swims everywhere would be hairless for speed. Why would he let his long hair and beard slow him down? ****************************************************************************************** How real do we want our comics? Do we really want all our stories to be dark and full of high levels of violence? Someone asked me these questions this past week in response to last week's column. They're tough questions. I don't mind dark stories as long as they're written well. Life can be pretty damn dark at times. After Watchmen and Dark Knight Returns the market was flooded with dark and mean heroes carrying big guns and shooting everything on site. That's crap writing. I mentioned Spider-Man punching through crooks heads by accident last week; that alone would be crappy. What would make that story good would be how a good guy like Peter parker would deal with that. Would he turn himself in? Would he train himself relentlessly until he could control his powers better? Would he not care? Would he just stop being Spider-Man? Would he go insane? I don't know, but the consequences of harsh, violent actions make a story good. What I'm saying is, don't just do a dark and violent story for the sake of doing a dark and violent story. Make it good and real. In real life, actions have consequences. ****************************************************************************************** Seriously, go out and buy X-Force! It is the best comic on the shelf right now. ****************************************************************************************** Here's a quote from a HIDA, the Yahoo Group I belong to. This was my response to a few questions posed by the founder, Lord Kinobote's brother as a joke. I didn't know this and gave answers anyway. Question #1: What draws us back to the good old comic book store every week, month, or so forth? For me it's the stories. I find the writing in a lot of comics to be better than tons of books. Marvel Boy by Grant Morrison was amazing. I love that book! Warren Ellis, Grant Morrison and all the others are some of the best writers in the world as far as I'm concerned. Plus, there's good art. It's combining books, TV, movies and who knows what else! They can do whatever they want because there is no budget. Whatever a movie can do they can do better if they really want. Question #2: What do we get out of comic books? How do we apply what we have learned to the real world? Firstly, I get entertainment. Some comics fit real well in with the real world. I've used arguments from Transmetropolitan in debates. I've quoted comics. My personal mantra of sorts is "Think for yourself and question authority." Comics can teach you a lot if done right. Question #3: Will there ever be an end? Does the future look good for comic books? Are they keeping up with new world demands (video games and television)? Hey, I still read them, don't I? I love video games and TV, but they don't have the same appeal as comics/ Comics are like the two combined. They have the interactiveness of video games and the presentation (sort of) as TV. I say comics will be around a long time. They've already survived the competition of TV, movies and video games as far as I'm concerned. Their quality as grown so much within the past five years. The comic medium has finally become an adult and will thrive in my opinion. I'm a bit of an optimist, ain't I? That's what I think at least, I could be wrong. Comics Pt. 4 Guess what? No mocking JMS this week! I know it's a departure, but nothing new occurred to me. ****************************************************************************************** Okay, let me get this straight: the Joker kills twenty or thirty people, Batman catches him, throws him in Arkham and then the Joker breaks out a month later and kills twenty or thirty more people? This cycle had been going on for a while now hasn't it? Is it just me or is Batman just as responsible for those deaths as the Joker? It is very stupid to just lock a crazed murderer up who escapes a month later and kills more people. By not snapping the Joker's neck or throwing him off a building Batman is killing tons of others. He might as well just go around with a gun and start killing innocent people instead. I also hate it when a hero kills a villain who's about to kill a bunch of others how the police go after the hero. This wouldn't happen. They'd probably take witness statements, ascertain that the hero saved all their lives and boom, the hero gets a medal. It seems to me the only reason most villains are kept around is because they're popular, but that is a stupid-ass reason. All I want to see is a few mass murdering villains get offed. Garth Ennis did stuff like this in Preacher and Punisher. He said that he wants to make the reader hate the villain so much that when the hero kills him, the readers are cheering. I would be doing that if Batman killed the Joker. I say fuck history and all that, again, I must demand realism. ****************************************************************************************** Super hero costumes look stupid and we all know it. My friends and I have had discussions about the super hero costume. Why would you dress up like that, really? I think some people would, but then after they see themselves in it, take it off rather quickly. I will quote Grant Morrison on the matter because he sums it up pretty good: "Super-hero costumes only looked the way they did because of Superman, whose outfit was based on the "circus strongman" look of the 1930s. Capes, leotards and tights are all hangovers from that early inspiration -- which made sense back then, but is no longer relevant 70(!) years later." Many members of the Authority and Planetary have good costumes. Starman had a great costume. They wear regular clothes. Jack Hawksmoor wears a suit. Elijah Snow wears a white suit. Starman looks like some lazy twenty- year old who sits around all day listening to punk music. I think we need to see more of that. ****************************************************************************************** I've come to the conclusion that every person in the world should be reading Transmetropolitan. It has some of the best messages in comics and shows us what the world is really like. I'd make my kids read it someday. I don't care about the swearing, nudity, violence, whatever, shit like that shouldn't stop kids from learning. If I had my way kids would read Transmetropolitan and watch South Park. Both may be very adult-orientated in presentation but they both also carry very good messages that adults need to learn too. Hell, I think if we learned them as kids, the world would be a better place. Every issue and episode teach us something. Whether it's to just give a fuck about our neighbour or that parents should just pay attention to what their kids do instead of relying on TV to baby-sit and then complain when they don't like what's on. I wish everyone read and watched them. Comics Pt. 5 This week's ranting and raving will be a little less organized, as I have nothing really in mind. Okay, I know what's killing the comic industry (if something is killing it). It is too many dickhead fans stuck in the fucking past. I am sick to death about going to message boards and reading all about how they don't like the new and exciting stuff being done. I love Grant Morrison's X-Men. It is cool and hip and is not a children's book. I know I've commented on this before, but I can't help it. People complain about Emma Frost's new powers and Beast's new look mainly. In regards to Emma's new powers, I say good. Morrison wanted the Queen Bitch on his team and saw that Emma Frost was it. Then he saw that if he put her on there would be not one, not two, but three Psi-powered characters, so he changed her powers so they were a bit more different and original. He could have just created a new character and then I'd be hearing whines about ripping off Emma Frost. "Why doesn't he just use Emma Frost? This new character is just a cheap imitation." As for Beast's new look, hey, think of it as a new costume . . . oh wait, you bitch about those, too. I'm out of ideas. I like the book and a lot of others, who never read X-Men before because it sucked before, like it too. If you could put up with Claremont's second go at the titles, you can live through something a thousand times better. ****************************************************************************************** I saw today that Kevin Smith will be doing Black Cat at Marvel. Whoopee-shit. I love this guy. He's seen that if he writes something, people will buy it and is now testing it out on a less popular character. Daredevil and Green Arrow always had a solid group of loyal fans and were respected in their universes. Black Cat has shit. She has a few loyal fans who give us comic readers a bad name (I'm talking about the obsessed fans who actually dress up as her; females and males). If this title sells huge, he'll know he can write any piece of crap and people will buy it. After that I can see him doing a title featuring a newly resurrected Betty Banner and drawing it himself just to see how far you people will go. ****************************************************************************************** I find myself reading less and less super hero books. Mostly I read them because my dad buys them and I generally read everything he buys except for really, really shitty titles (X-Treme X-Men, I'm looking at you). I'm currently buying more non-super hero titles. Today I picked up three items: Hellblazer 141 (an issue from the Ellis run), Bad World 1, and Transmetropolitan: Filth of the City. The last time I was at the comic shop I bought Transmetropolitan: Lust For Life, Transmetropolitan: The New Scum and Stranger Kisses 1-3. I also read a bunch of Wildstorm titles that aren't really super hero books, but more good comics that feature super powered people. I just find that a bit strange. Comics Pt. 6 The topic this week is Marvel and the EIC, Joe Quesada. ****************************************************************************************** I read in the latest Wizard that Quesada won the right to keep a creator employed by arm-wrestling Bill Jemas. Like many others this pissed me off. What a trivial way to decide a person's possible future. The prospect of a person's career should not be taken so lightly. If the creator was involved with it and approved then that's different, but otherwise that is sick. What I find even more nauseating is the fact that they felt the need to tell others. What, did they think we'd be impressed with that kind of shit? Another one of Marvel's latest attempts to impress readers that failed hopelessly. ****************************************************************************************** It seems Quesada is more impressed with spots in the comic listings than actual sales of issues. I was reading about this in a few bits and pieces about Marvel's print-to-order policy. Quesada was claiming that this policy actually helped sales. Everyone else knows that sales have gone up because of the recent addition of A-list talent to some of their core titles. In the July sales charts pretty much all of the Marvel titles increased in spot numbers, but many dropped in actual issues sold. Now, let me ask you something: which would you rather have; a higher spot or more actual sales? Any sane person would say more actual sales, but not Quesada. He brags about how the titles went up in spot but fails to mention that they dropped in sales. Makes sense don't it? ****************************************************************************************** Now that Marvel has dropped the Code (which I love them for) they will be using their own in-house rating system. There are four ratings: G, PG, PG+ and Mature Readers. Now the G books will have no labels and the others will. In fact, the Mature Readers books will have a rather large label they have said. Am I the only one who thinks that this is bad for the industry? Look at real books; which books have labels, the ones for adults or the ones for kids? The answer is the ones for kids. Only children's books have labels saying which age group they are appropriate for. Most of us want the industry to grow up and I think the way they are labelling the books is inhibiting that. While I'm talking about the labelling I should bring up Ultimate Marvel. Those books are rated PG; they should be allowed to go up to at least PG+. They are books about teenagers geared for teenagers and yet they aren't allowed to go up to a teenage level. I will say this yet again: teenagers swear, they have sex (well I don't but I hear it is quite popular) and they like to see those things. Sure, we can have regular Peter Parker who says "Gee whiz", but I want to see Ultimate Peter Parker saying "Fuck." Ultimate X-Men would be even better as a book that could go full out. I guess this also goes back a bit to society's view that swearing is only appropriate for people 18 or older. That's shit. ****************************************************************************************** I'm hearing some complaints about Marvel's upcoming "Silent Issue" month where every title (except for mini series and specials) will be without words. I can't wait for one reason: X-Treme X-Men. I can't wait to see Claremont do a silent issue. I bet he'll make it too verbose somehow though. Comics Pt. 7 So, Chuck Dixon is writing 13 comics in the month of October. Only three are his regular comics, the rest are added bonuses. Every single one is for DC in some manner. The majority of them are for this crossover they're doing called Joker: The Last Laugh. He will be doing the six-issue mini for that, its secret files, his regular three titles, Robin, Nightwing, and Birds Of Prey. He will also be writing JLA and Batgirl. And don't forget issue one of the Tarzan/Superman mini he's doing. This is the guy that Joe Quesada insinuated when he said his stupid comments about older creators. Dixon was fired off of Marvel Knights soon after. You know, one of the creators that the fans just don't respond to anymore. ****************************************************************************************** Anyone else seen ads for this new card game from marvel called Recharge? Am I the only one who thinks that this is crap for those of us who bought Overpower all those years ago? For those of you who don't know, Overpower was a collectable card game that marvel put out several years ago. It even spawned a couple of DC sets and an Image one too. I have about two DC decks and a shit load of Marvel cards. This Recharge thing is screwing over those of us who gave Marvel our money just a few short years ago. But why does this not surprise me either? ****************************************************************************************** And now a compliment for Marvel: go read their online comics, people. It's free and it's an easy way to read those comics you just can't buy. Chad's Condensed Comics--A Sample Yes, I ripped this off from Gail Simone. I needed something for next week's Let Me Tell You and did some of these, none of which Gail did, I think. Here are a couple who do not appear in that column as I wrote the column yesterday and these this morning. Gen13 Grunge: Boobies! Roxy: He's so sweet! Fairchild: Why can't the artist ever draw me with clothes on? Rainmaker: Grunge is such a sexist pig. Grunge: Boobies! The Monarchy Jackson: I speak in metaphors and symbols all the time, but everything I say has a deep meaning in the book. Visit the Monarchy message board to have the blanks filled in for you. Union: I was dead and now I just want to make evil people my bitches. Christine: I love music! Hitler's Soul: *whimper* Please take these in the spirit they were intended: humour. I love both of these books.