Shut Up And Listen 49

“Jesus Was A Terrorist.”
I was reading through some of my old columns and I found this little quote in one of the really early ones. I was talking about how Jesus was most likely a resistance fighter against the Romans, rather than the son of god or whatever crap they told you. This got me thinking about that idea again.
	Look at the story of how Jesus died. It reads like a standard resistance leader’s death spun as propaganda: we have Jesus who is betrayed by one of his own who sees the other side as being right, then everyone he knew denies knowing him, the Romans say they don’t want to kill him, so his own people figure he’s a traitor and want him dead.
	Also, that whole water changed into wine story that happened at a wedding was because he wasn’t hammered yet, and was really pissed off. He never really wanted to help anyone. He just wanted to get drunk off his ass.

Chess Is Not A Sport!
What season do you play chess in?
	Do you have answer? No? Then why is it in the Olympics? Why? Chess is not a sport! 
	I would present an argument, but I don’t think it’s necessary.
	I will say that now that chess is in, they have to let all the other board games in. So, give it ten years and we can be watching the gold medal match of Star Wars Monopoly.

Decision 2002 (well, the Ontario PC Party One): Week Four—Jim Flaherty Says Some More Dumb Things
This week’s example of Flaherty’s idiocy, in my humble opinion, is his promise to close down the LCBO stores once in power. The Liquor Control Board of Ontario is an effort to sell alcohol in just specialized stores, so it is more difficult for minors to buy alcohol. If he succeeds, alcohol will be able to be sold pretty much anywhere, like corner stores—you know, the places where the odds of them checking ID are about 10/90. 
	Now, Flaherty claims he wants to refocus the government or something, but isn’t what he’s really saying is he wants teens to have more access to alcohol? I know some people (teens) would love this, but fuck that! Because we want the stupidest segment of the population (when it comes to common sense) to be able to get more stuff that will cloud their judgements and make them do incredibly stupid things.
	So far Flaherty has called Natives not real people, wants being poor to be illegal and to give teenagers more alcohol. So, if you’re a racist, rich, teenager vote Flaherty! If you have a brain, don’t.

This Column Sucked
Yeah, not much happened this week beyond hockey. Sorry about that, but it isn’t totally my fault.