Thursday April 5, 2001 Shut Up and Listen Raw Is Back! I’ve watched wrestling forever. Ever since I was just a wee lad, I’ve been captivated by the art that is wrestling. I remember seeing Hulk Hogan fight the Ultimate Warrior for the championship. Or back in ‘92 when Sting and Lex Lugar fought at the end of February (I remember because it was a leap year). Or when the Undertaker first appeared on the Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibase’s team at the Survivor Series. Or the Rock first joining the Nation of Domination. Do you remember the original D-X? I do. Okay, now I’m getting into recent events, but I’ve watched it forever. Until about a month ago. The stories were boring and uninspired. The gimmicks were cheaper than ever. All Raw and Smackdown seemed to be were ads for the Pay-Per-Views and also for the XFL, which I watched the first night for about ten minutes. Then Vince McMahon bought WCW and Stone Cold Steve Austin joined up with him and HHH. I know that the Austin-McMahon alliance won’t last and that Shane McMahon running WCW will eventually grow stale, but I’m back, baby! And I never enjoyed seeing the Rock get beat up more. Full Plate Besides writing this column I also have a shit-load of my own original creations. They range from comics to screenplays to novels. I thoroughly enjoy writing these things and I’d probably go crazy if I didn’t. This week, though, my plate just got a bit more full. It started when Tubby Bitch came into school on Monday with the Prologue of his current work in hand. I read it and . . . well, it didn’t suck. Lunchbox and I thought that it could be better and began to edit it. We checked grammar, changed names (doesn’t the word Dominion sound just plain out evil?) and even re-worded a few sentences. Now, as a person who’s learned from the great Warren Ellis (through his various columns), I hated editors just from Warren’s tales about them. You never fuck with an artist’s words and normally I’d agree. But I really like the editing process. I find it comforting to be able to look at another person’s work and totally objectively fix it. It was mostly commas and stopping his run-on sentences. And there were many, and they went on FOREVER! Yesterday, Lunchbox approached me with the idea of co-writing one of his properties. He’s told me all about it numerous times and even tried to write it himself, but he can’t. He has the skill, but no the will. He just can’t write it. So he dictated to me much of the plot and said “Go to.” I’m doing a comic version of it because I’m much more comfortable with the comic format than prose. We don’t have a title yet, but the ideas are churning through my head even as I type this now. America Pt. 2 Bush is fucking up left and right, my friends and even I didn’t see him doing this bad this soon. First, a sub surfaces right under a Japanese fishing boat. Minor incident. Blame the Captain. Done. Second, the economy’s going down the crapper because of some of his statements and to solve the problem he decides to withdraw from the Kyoto Treaty. This pissed of something like the rest of the world. Smooth move, Drinky McDumbass (as Bill Maher calls him)! Not that easy to smooth over and still has a bunch of countries pissed at the Redneck. Third, a US spy-plane crashes into a Chinese plane and the Chinese capture the plane and all those aboard. The US wants the people and technology back, China told them to go fuck themselves. What does the US want? They’re spying on China, get caught and then expect no consequences? Morons. As far as I’m concerned, the US is lucky they haven’t received any footage of those troops being killed. The Chinese could execute them if they wanted, but haven’t. Yet. I saw a poll on CNN last night on the subject and who’s to blame. Over fifty percent say China, around thirty said both countries and the rest said the US. Remember what I said about the Redneck Mentality? That proved it for you. They spy on China and then say it’s China’s fault that they were caught. Well, I suppose it was China’s fault they were caught, but they should be apologizing like crazy. It makes you wonder how much the US is spying on other countries. And when the hostilities escalate to a full out war, the US will stand alone, because the rest of the World would love to see them get what they deserve. I know I would. I’m An Asshole! I am, it’s true. I’ve known for quite a while now, but never really did anything about it. You know that girl that I mentioned in my first column that I like? Well, something happened to her boyfriend the other day. Something life-threatening (he’s okay now) and I couldn’t care less. I felt little to no sympathy for the jackass. I felt sympathy for her, of course, but not for him. This made me realize that I am a vindictive sonuvabitch. If you fuck with me, I will hold a grudge like forever. And even if you do something that goes against me in the slightest I’ll fuck you over in whatever way I can. I know, I know, I’m an asshole. Uniforms and The Legend of the Jacket At my school we have uniforms. Shoot me. There is only one good thing about uniforms: kilts. But those just replaced the short skirts of yesteryear, so it’s meaningless. They won’t let us wear our jackets. Do you fucking believe that? I am not technically allowed to wear my coat in school at any time. Now, I abide by the rest of the goddamn uniform code, get kick-ass grades and am what one would call a “good student.” Now they’re telling me that I can’t wear my mark of individuality? Fuck that shit! They tried this last semester and it didn’t work. Me and Lunchbox were told to remove our coats in physics and refused. We were told that if we did not comply, we would be sent down to the office. Lunchbox and I looked at one another, stood up and walked out. It was beautiful. The VP didn’t listen to us, told us to take off our coats and then return to class. We went back and took off our coats. The next day we wore them. When told we would remove them, but that was only about 20% of the time. Plus, I would take off my coat most of the time because I was hot. But no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will not comply and I will not conform! I will stand up and say no! I will tell teachers to go fuck themselves! I will just go home rather than conform! Lunchbox was unable to attend any classes today because he was out of uniform. They just began a new period of enforcing that will last for about a week. The vast majority show up not fully in uniform and they want that stopped. A person told me that only 10 out of 33 people were in class as a consequence. Entire periods are spent discussing the issue. Teachers hate it. Students hate it. Parents hate it. The manufacturers love it. Speaking of McCarty’s, they make cheap-ass uniforms. They fall apart, shrink, fade easily and are just poorly made. Fuckers. The uniforms have caused more problems than they promised to solve and should be abolished from our minds forever. Viva la revolution! Don’t take no crap! And no, I will not conform, mother fuckers!