Shut Up and Listen 23 Sunday August 19, 2001 Servitude Tonight we went out to dinner with my aunt, my cousin and my cousin’s boyfriend. We went to the Mandarin for their buffet. The food was okay, kind of bland; and their red sauce sucks (you want good red sauce, go to Bing’s, trust me). I felt rather uncomfortable most of the night because of the service. Every time we wanted a new plate, they’d take it. They hovered over the dinning area, really. I felt uncomfortable having people wait on me in such a way. I know they’re doing their jobs and getting paid, hopefully, well doing them, but it still felt wrong. I don’t know why, but it did. Monday August 20, 2001 Fucking Family They are really pissing me off. First off with the job thing. Sure, I’d like to get a job, but not at the expense of my writing. I mean, here I am trying to build a career and I’m getting yelled at for not being out there making minimum wage. What, do they want me to go to school and THEN attempt to be a writer? What kind of plan is that? Fuck, if I can get out there now, my chances are that much better. Then I get stuck doing the fucking dishes. I have discovered that I am the only one in this house who rinses things off before putting them in the sink. And I only started doing that after being yelled at all those years ago to do that. And guess who does not rinse a thing? My mom, the one who yelled at me all those years ago. I must add that the sink is too damn low for a person of my height. I kill my lower back every single fucking time I do the dishes. I tell my mom this, but she couldn’t care less. I am really fucking sick of these fuckheads. Wednesday August 22, 2001 Interview With . . . Sean Twist! What can I say about Sean Twist? He is one of my favourite writers. He falls into the category of “favourite columnist.” I’ve been reading his stuff in the London Free Press for years and it some damn funny stuff. The man has got talent and loves comics. You should check out his stuff. His London Free Press columns can be found here. Me: Tell us a bit about yourself. Twist: Born in London, Ontario, 36 years ago. Attended Westminster Secondary, then had a vague education at the University of Western Ontario. Married the first girl I met who had read Lord of the Rings and looked like Carrie Fisher. Hard combo to find. Currently writing a novel destined for the bargain bin of a bookstore near you. Me: How did you get started in writing? Twist: I fell in love with stories as a child, and promptly tried to write my own. “The Adventures of the Amazing Critters” was my first story, at the age of seven. After such a high point, it was difficult to top that, but in my mid-twenties I began sending out columns to newspapers hither and yon. That's when I learned you could get paid for doing this, which seemed somehow criminal. Me: How did you land your gig at the Free Press? Twist: I was contacted by Kelley Teahen to write a column. A lovely woman--I'm proud to say I've been drunk with her, although I think I hid it well. I'd sent the Free Press columns before--most were rejected. She then asked for another column out of the blue, and then it evolved into the two-week gig thing I'm doing now. I owe it all to Kelley. Me: What have you written? Twist: Aside from Free Press columns, I've written far too much Doctor Who fan fiction (I had to get it out my system), as well as comic reviews for WizardWorld. I also wrote a book on conspiracy theories with my writing partner, David Southwell. It was called, in a stroke of creative genius by the publishers Conspiracy Theories. It was the sort of book meant to be read on the toilet, and we took the piss out of almost every conspiracy theory we could find. We wrote it in three months, which I don't recommend to anyone who can't handle stress. Like me. Me: Any sites online where we can find your writing? Twist: Other than the Free Press, I'm not sure. I keep an online journal at http://napalmlollipop.blogspot.com which people seem to enjoy. Me: How has the experience at the Free Press been so far editorial wise? Do they touch your words much? Twist: I've been blessed with good, loving editors. After Kelley, I was handed to Larry Cornies, who is a giant among men. I am the Padewan to his Obi-Wan. Any changes have been slight, little grammar bits, nothing earth shaking or migraine inducing. Me: Okay, now the fun questions: boxers or briefs? Twist: Boxers. A man needs room. Well, some men, anyway. Me: Cats or dogs? Twist: Love them both, actually. Cats are better for writers, but I've known some great dogs as well. Dogs, sadly, take more time, which is something I don't have much of at the moment. Me: Summer or winter? Twist: Fall. Me: Got any cool stories involving a chick? Twist: After my first year at university, I was living with these three complete assholes and was as miserable as hell. Figuring life couldn't get any worse, I called up the girl my entire high school was in love with: she was the one who moved in that circle of life we geeks could only dream of, went out with the football star, was a cheerleader, drove every young man wild. I called her up and asked her out on a date. To my complete surprise, she accepted. So out we went, and to my additional surprise, we became good friends. The geek goes out with the prom queen: it was a pure John Hughes moment. Of course, my friends didn't believe any of it. So one night she arrived at my apartment while my fellow geeks were over. As the night drew on and their mouths continued to gape, she then yawned and said, “I’m going to bed now, Sean. Don't stay up too late,” and went into my room and closed the door. I followed afterwards, leaving my friends to see themselves out. Of course, it was all pre-arranged. We weren't at all romantically involved, but both thought it would be fun just to see the reaction. She did spend the night, though. She snored. Me: I just handed you a box full of 100 untraceable bullets like in 100 Bullets, who do you use them on? Twist: Only a hundred? Too difficult a question. Me: Which comics are you digging right now? Twist: The Authority is a must read once I'm in the door, as is Grant Morrison's New X-Men. Was pleasantly surprised with Joss Whedon's Fray, and nothing beats Garth Ennis writing The Punisher. I'm also a big Legion fan, so I enjoy Legion Worlds, even if I think the marketing of very expensive books right after a successful mini series (Legion Lost) was ill advised. JMS is doing some fun stuff on Amazing Spider-Man right now, even if it took him three issues to get the hang of the character. Me: Who are your favourite writers? Twist: Grant Morrison is probably my favourite comic writer, after His Holiness Alan Moore. Morrison's run on JLA was stellarly stupendous--I'm re-reading it now, and the man's genius never fails to astound. Tom Peyer is an unrecognized gem--his run on Hourman was fun, as is his work on The Authority. Jaime Hernandez is another treasure--we all have a Maggie and Hopey in our lives. Neil Gaiman is also well loved, even if the bastard was far more attentive to my wife than he was to me during a signing. Can't really blame the man, though. In prose, Tad Williams is someone whose books I always pick up. I've been fortunate enough to become friends with the man, and he's as wonderful a person as he is a writer. He's a big MST3K fan, which really surprised me. It's odd becoming friends with your favourite writers--learning they're just everyday humans who wear torn socks and use the bathroom can be upsetting to some people. Joe Lansdale is one of my biggest influences--if you haven't read any Hap and Leonard mysteries, you're missing out on something fun. Horribly violent, but fun. George R.R. Martin is my newest favourite writer--his Song of Ice and Fire is one of the few books I've actually felt my eyes mist up over. Me: If you could write one comic title what would it be? Twist: Probably Legion of Super-Heroes, so I could do it my way. I'll only say every issue would have Saturn Girl in the shower, so it's in everyone's interests that I write that title soon. Me: Favourite comic of all time? Twist: Micronauts #12. Me: Who's your hero? In real life. Twist: Harlan Ellison. His book, Memo From Purgatory showed me what you could do with writing, how you could confront society while trying to change it at the same time. He showed me that you don't always have to be nice, but you always have to make the writing good. Me: If you could have any person, dead or alive, over to dinner tonight, who would it be? Twist: Charisma Carpenter. I'm always a sucker for brunettes with ten thousand-kilowatt smiles. Me: What's in your CD player right now? Twist: MXPX-The Renaissance EP Ramones-Ramone-mania! Pulp-This is Hardcore Moulin Rouge Soundtrack (belongs to my wife, Cheryl). Me: Who do you love? Twist: Many people, some secretly, some openly. My wife Cheryl is at the top of that list, though: to quote Homer Simpson, she's as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda. Me: Any final thoughts? I came across this personal epitaph the other day, and it's been stuck > in my mind. It was from Edna St. Vincent Millay, a writer from the Twenties. She was quite a knockout, both physically and intellectually, and men would swoon over her. She wrote: “My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends It gives a lovely light.” Thursday August 23, 2001 *Chad’s Eyes Narrow In Anger As He Views The TV Commercial* Well I’ve been subjugated to a couple of the dumbest, most infuriating commercials ever. The first was one for the WB about their upcoming “25 Hottest Stars Under 25” special. It featured this tagline at the beginning: “Don’t hate them because they’re beautiful. Love them because they’re young, rich and famous.” You read that? Fucking ridiculous. That one needs no ranting as you can very well see how dumb it is. The next is for some dumb show called “Supermodels.” In it the voice-over chick asked what beautiful is and if she is or is it just her clothes. Or how the media portrays an unreal expectation of beauty, but she still NEEDS to know if she’s beautiful. Well, with the clothes thing: get naked and I will tell you. And the other one, I find it highly dubious using the fight for better portrayal of women in the media for a show all about promoting that image and media projection. These two experiences have truly shown me how fucked up our world is. When I get that nuclear explosive ready, kiss this fucking place good-bye. Friday August 24, 2001 Spider-Prinze Anyone read on Comics Continuum about how Freddie Prinze Jr. is still bitching about not getting the Spider-Man part in the upcoming movie? What a fucking baby. He’s whining about how he grew up on Spider-Man and loves him and shit. Well, so did I and I ain’t bitching about not getting to play him. Which I could almost do better I think. Those of you who have met me would know that I am Peter Parker. At least the high school Parker. Okay, I couldn’t do the stunts or look good in the costume but no one could out geek me. I’d bet there are thousands of people out there just like me who didn’t have the luxury of getting an audition or media attention to bitch about it. If somehow, someway Prinze is reading this, I have a message for him: get over it for fuck’s sake! You get to have Sarah Michelle Gellar, so quit bitching about not getting this. Saturday August 25, 2001 A Week In Review Finished Bomb last night totally. All three scripts have been turned in. I’m done. Also Strat has written the first issue of Shock Conflict and it’s pretty good. One of the bad things I mentioned having happened last week didn’t. It was a weird happening that no one can really explain. School is fast approaching and I am living in the end days. Started backing all of my work up last night. Have saved all my columns and comic stuff onto disk. Tonight I will try to do the rest. The next two weeks should be fun as far as interviews go, so stay tuned.