Shut Up and Listen 21 Sunday August 5, 2001 Sister Dear I go on the computer every night. And during the day a bit. But tonight I go on and she’s watching a movie, as is the case often, and she starts yelling at me for typing. FOR TYPING! That’s what I live with people. Tuesday August 7, 2001 Sex Wars It’s that time again, folks! Time for me to discuss the differences that I’ve noticed between the sexes. Swearing is a bit different. I told The Captain to tell a female friend who was bugging him to fuck off. He said he couldn’t because that would piss her off. I tell my friends to fuck off all the time, they don’t get offended or anything. It’s normal. Chicks though get all emotional and uppity. Some, not all. My sister can swear with the best of them. Fact: men like cold weather and women like hot weather. In a room with a three guys and about ten chicks, the chicks complained about the temperature and the guys just sat back in t-shirts and commented on how nice it was. True story. And hopefully I haven’t offended anyone. Wednesday August 8, 2001 I’m Sorry I would like to apologize for the state of recent columns. The ranting of old has been replaced by . . . nothing. I don’t know what it is, but nothing’s pissing me off in the same way of old. I’ll keep searching though and when something pisses me off royally, damn, I will tell you all. Thursday August 9, 2001 Interview With . . . Craig! Craig is a damn fine artist. He’s also a very twisted man. Last week he told me all about DC’s plans to make their children’s comics more adult and asked if I’d like the info. I knew what he meant, but the fun part of me said “Nah, it’s for real,” so I agreed. Luckily I was smart enough to open the files after I was alone and everyone was in bed. Needless to say, I’ll never look at Scooby-Doo in the same way. Craig’s art can be found at ca.geocities.com/chevett13/craig.html. It’s some good stuff. Me: Tell us a bit about yourself. Craig: My name is Craig Salen, I'm from a small town near Melbourne. I'm a sales rep for an equipment rental company, been doing that for about eight years. Apart from that I do martial arts, archery and running Me: Cool. And you claim that you can draw I hear? Craig: Ha ha. Trying anyway. I used to draw a lot when I was a kid, stopped when I was about 17. Recently I saw Scott Handelman's request for an artist at the Authority boards and I thought why not? Me: And how's that working out? Craig: Really well, I've completed character designs, a front cover and the first page. I'm also doing a short Midnighter story myself for Striker's fan fiction site. Me: Cool. Anything else? Craig: Yeah actually, my karate instructors saw some of my work and are paying me to do design and signwork for their dojo. I'm keeping pretty busy. Me: So, boxers or briefs? Craig: Briefs during the week, boxers on the weekend . . . or freeballing in trackpants when I'm lazy.? Me: ? Me: Cats or dogs? Craig: Dogs for sure. I've got a Siberian husky who's a great bud and also my running partner. Me: Summer or winter? Craig: Winter for me. Love a hot chocolate in front of the open fire. Me: Alright, any cool stories involving a chick? Craig: Once got caught driving along a major freeway while being, um . . . attended to by my then girlfriend. Me: ? Really? Craig: Yeah but I was only sprung by a passing truck driver who tooted his horn (somehow appropriate), so I didn't care. Me: Oh. As long as it wasn't a cop. Craig: Nah, that's another story? Me: Okay. I'll take you word for it. So, I've just given you a box full of 100 untraceable bullets. Who do you kill? Craig: We've got a maximum security prison within 8 km of home and that place is full of pedophiles, drug dealers, murderers and other psychos so I could empty a lot of bullets there. Otherwise it's the suits that decide to make poor countries poorer instead of helping them. Plus I think the oil magnates are pretty much scum, they just seem to find new ways to screw the world over. Me: No personal enemies you'd like to get rid of? Craig: Not with bullets anyway, I like to work with my hands Me: Who's your favourite member of the Authority? Craig: Midnighter. I thought his depiction in #22 was the best yet. Me: Which Authority arc has been your favourite? Craig: Earth Inferno; I loved the evil Doctor. Although I'm sure it'll be Brave New World by its conclusion. Me: What he did to Angie made a chill run down my spine. Craig: Yeah, I've gotta say my favourite Apollo moment was when he swooped down on the renegade Doctor; “Leave this scumbag to me” then drove him into the sun. Me: And then the doctor made fun of him and beat him up some more. Craig: Yeah, that was a bit of a bummer, Angie got her own back though. Heh heh. Me: Who's your favourite artist? Craig: I'd say Bryan Hitch, his work reminds me of when I was blown away by my first Neal Adams comic when I was a kid. Although Art Adams’ preview art looks awesome! Me: How about fave writer? Craig: Erik Larsen on Savage Dragon. I've been enjoying that book for eight years and you can tell he really cares about his work. I don't read his Marvel or DC stuff as I find it gets diluted. Me: Which comic would you most like to draw? Craig: The Authority or Monarchy. I don't want much, huh? Me: No bigger heroes? No X-Men or Spider-Man or Superman? Craig: I think I'd enjoy doing a one shot or Annual but ongoing with them doesn't appeal to me at the moment. I tend to gravitate towards the second-tier heroes. Eg. Nightwing, Justice Society Of America, Green Arrow, Daredevil etc . . . Me: So what comics are you currently digging? Craig: Authority, Planetary, Monarchy (There's a theme going on huh?) Justice Society Of America (I find them more interesting than JLA) Tom Strong, Midnight Nation, New X-Men and anything Bryan Hitch. Me: You buy any of Bryan Hitch's art? Craig: No, I'm a bit of a tightwad, my Wife's expecting so we're counting pennies. I'd like to own a piece one day though. Me: Really? Congrats, man! How long til the baby's born? Craig: Late Jan next year, we're really excited. I'm 29 and she's 30 so it's a good time. Me: If it's born on the 29th we'll share a birthday. Craig: Yeah although that time difference thing can be strange. Ha ha Me: Yeah. So do you descend from convicts? ? Craig: I think so, it probably explains why I'm sometimes compelled to steal bread.? Me: Cool. So it's winter there, right? Craig: That's right but not too cold where I am, we don't get any snow. Me: That sucks. Snow kicks ass. Craig: My snow dog misses it. Heh heh Me: Did you check out the Olympics or is that not even near you? Craig: Just on TV, it was in another state and frankly the tickets were too expensive and hard to get because they went corporate first. I don't mind watching the Special Olympics. I don't know why they don't have them first and not after the main when everyone's completely over it. Me: I find it funny that the Olympics are classified as amateurs and the Goodwill Games are classified as professional and yet the Olympics get more viewers and money and athletes. Craig: Damn those G7 (or is it 8?) scum! They may as well call it the Coca-Cola, McDonalds, corporate competition.? Someone call the Authority! Ha ha Me: Yeah! Fave movie? Craig: Dusk Till Dawn, it's even better viewing whilst consuming my favourite bourbon. Me: How about TV? What are really into now? Craig: I really don't get to watch much TV with work, sports and comics. I used to watch NYPD Blue but the Aussie station took it off air. Apart from that I try and catch Sex And The City when I can and the other night I saw this British program called Ali G which almost made me wet my pants. Me: Who's your hero? Real life. Craig: Any Para Olympian. I also admire Bruce Lee for what he accomplished in his short lifetime. Me: If you could one person, living or dead, over for dinner tonight who would it be? Craig: Oh man, that's a good one. Bruce Lee I guess. Craig: BTW Karl's been a great help to me since I got on the net he's coloured some of my stuff and is working with Scott and I on The Scoop. Me: I know. You're the last of the trio to be interviewed. Craig: Ha ha save the best for last eh?? Me: Yeah . . . sure, Craig. So any last words? Craig: Don't say “save the best for last” in an interview?. Seriously, if you've always wanted to try something in comics, go for it. Never think “what if” or “I should have.” Me: Thanks for being here, man. Craig: Thanks for your time, Chad. Friday August 10, 2001 Fucking Hell Well, those of you who missed my rantings and ravings should be pleased by this next part. I got up this morning, went on the computer, was going to eat lunch and grabbed the paper. I went upstairs, turned on the TV, ate and then picked up the front section of the paper. What did I see? “Church Blamed In Deaths--Church of God urged family to put trust in faith, not doctors, relative contends” The words out of my mouth were: “fucking hell.” It seems that two women died in Aylmer because they refused medical treatment in the place of prayer. Fucking hell. The founder of the church says that while members are encouraged to seek help through prayer first, they can go seek medical attention. Former members and the women’s daughter and sister, Liz Coletta, says that is not the case. The church frowns upon seeking outside assistance. Fucking hell. Other deaths have resulted from this, including a newborn baby who died after the mother chose not to consult a doctor. Coletta’s father died of kidney failure that may have the result of untreated diabetes. Shortly after that, Coletta’s mother stopped taking her heart medication. Others kept telling her “‘God’s going to give you a new heart, just have faith, ’” Coletta has said. Fucking hell. Last year, Coletta’s sister died of what she believes to be breast cancer. “Her breast was split wide open and draining fluid. She was clearly suffering.” She refused treatment saying that although she could have it, she didn’t want it. Fucking hell. The wife of a former pastor tells of how when she sought outside treatment for vaginal bleeding she was chastised by Layne. “He yelled at me for two-and-a-half hours.” Layne also said to her “Whether you follow my counsel may determine whether you live or die.” Fucking hell. Okay, this article made me stop many times because I was so disgusted. This kind of shit makes me sick to my stomach. When I see stuff like this I want to go out and find these people and go something, I don’t know what, but something. These people should be locked up. Their faith should be outlawed. Can me intolerant all you want, but when people are dying I don’t give a rat’s ass. I call all religions cults and this just proves my point. Layne has created a place where people will listen to him and pray rather than go get help. They think they have free will, but how in their right mind would choose death? “Every time she prayed, the pain would go away--that was the miracle,” Layne said. And then they died is what he forgot to add. “Whether you follow my counsel may determine whether you live or die,” is another quote of his and he is right on the money. If you listen to him you die, if you don not you have a chance at life. Layne is responsible for these deaths and should be prosecuted accordingly. I don’t care what they say about how the dead made their own choices or religious beliefs. The fact remains that these people are dead and they are that way because they listened to Daniel Layne. Fucking hell. Saturday August 11, 2001 Miscellaneous Finished the first Bomb script earlier in the week. Also sent in a couple of plot teasers and character descriptions. No word on either yet. Went to the mall today. She wasn’t there again. Go to my boards and enter the write-off. Right now there are already two entries and one by me that doesn’t count. And don’t forget to read my other column, Let Me Tell You over at H.T.Cow.