Friday March 30, 2001 Shut And Listen 2 America The world is in terrible shape: thousands of children are starving while dozens of men have billions of dollars to spare; the environment is being torn to shit by pollutants; horrible atrocities take place in our streets by demented freaks of nature who have been made the way they are by society. Who’s to blame? The United States of America. They are the problem as I see it. They are the root of a complex affecting our society that my friends and I have dubbed the Redneck Mentality. The belief that might makes right. That money is god and fuck anyone that doesn’t have as much as you. The ignorant, dumbass concept that owning a gun is a right more worthy of respect and practice than eating or getting proper medical care. Essentially everything that the southern states of the US represent. You know, the rednecks. (That isn’t to say that there aren’t some genuinely intelligent people living in the southern states. I recognize all twenty of you and praise you for not going crazy from being bombarded by constant idiocy and ignorance.) Bush is a Redneck. Yesterday he made statements to the effect of “fuck the world and the future, I want my country to make more money. I don’t give a rat’s ass if in ten years the human race will be dead as long as we can all buy BMWs and big-screen TVs now! Screw y’all, and fuck the environment!” He told everyone that he would not comply with globally accepting pollutant standards. I was going to find out what that treaty is called and some direct quotes, but the paper that my home gets, The London Free Press did a very shitty job of reporting on the Truth. Damn right-wing morons! But this shit didn’t surprise me. I mean, Bush is a moron and a true American. He focuses on short-term goals of prosperity instead of looking to the long-term. The more I see what’s going on in our neighbour to the south, the more I figure that they didn’t win the American Revolution so much as Britain just decided its Empire would be a lot better off without a bunch of Redneck idiots holding them back. Now, I recognize that the US is pretty damn rich, but I also recognize that most of that wealth is held by only one or two percent of the population. The gap between the rich and the poor is the size of the Grand fucking Canyon and getting bigger even as I type and you read. The US likes to fancy itself the best country in the world. It’s not. Canada is. Just ask the UN. In the last UN study on the living conditions of the countries of the world, Canada ranked number one. The US came in a number six, I believe (or number four). That’s good, but that means there is still better. Like where I live. I’m proud I live in what is called the best country to live in and not a few hundred kilometres to the south. Just because you have the most money and some big fucking guns don’t make you the best, you know and I think the US might get a major ass-whooping because of they’re unbridled arrogance sometime soon. The US believes that they are so great because every other country in the world follows what is going on in their country. That really makes them the easiest prey. We all know everything about you and you know nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, about us. You should see some of the programs we air where a reporter or comedian goes down south and asks them questions about good ol’ Canada. They know shit! I watch those shows and I have to turn it off after two minutes because I can’t stand to see so many dumb answers to such easy questions. They don’t know who our Prime Minister is -- hell, their president doesn’t know that! Again, my attention must turn to President Redneck. I’m waiting for the war. When is that jackass going to start what I call “Desert Storm Jr.”ÓChad Nevett 2001 (just in case some newspaper wants to use it, they’ll need my permission!). Maybe he’ll finally finish off Iraq like his daddy couldn’t. Okay, Clinton couldn’t either, but I’ll be honest: I liked Clinton and I won’t be bashing him. I liked Clinton because he was a good president and I felt that if needed blowjobs from ugly chicks to get the job done then what business is it of mine? If he needed to have sex for twenty-three hours a day straight to function as the most brilliant man for that last hour, then I say go to. He made the US a pretty damn rich country and, although I don’t think that qualifies you as a really great guy, did some good. He helped put restrictions on guns and helped talks in the Middle East. He was also viciously attacked by Republican whores and that makes him cool in my eyes. If Republicans hate a person, then that person mustn’t be all that bad. They attacked his getting blown by Lewinsky with such anger that you can’t help but love Clinton. They went after him relentlessly and are pretty damn lucky that he couldn’t run again because he would have beat Bush easily and then slept with his wife. You know that, I know that and every Republican knows that. Including Bush. I hate Republicans because firstly, they’re right-wing pricks that belong back in a Puritan society of Bible-thumpers. Secondly, they can dish it out, but are way too afraid to take it. They attacked Clinton relentlessly and the minute Bush was “elected” they began to scramble to make sure the Democrats didn’t fuck them hard and slow up the ass like they did. The Democrats were gracious enough to make peace, but I’d still like to see them tear Bush a new one. Thirdly, they’re unwavering loyalty to a moron. Every fucking Republican I see on “Politically Incorrect” is always defending the fuck out of Bush and that gives me the impression that they are all stupider than he is. As the old saying goes, “Who is the true fool: the idiot that leads or those who follow?” And fourthly, thinking owning a gun is a right. That’s one step away from saying killing anyone you don’t like is a right. I tell you, in light of Bush’s statements yesterday, I’m going to be watching the US a bit closer to see what more dumbass, self-centred, short-sighted, bonehead decisions will come out of the white house. Watch, too. And see the Redneck Mentality at work. Mark Waid and Some Free Shit A few weeks ago I sent an e-mail letter to Wizard’s letter page talking about writer Mark Waid’s decision to relocate to Cross Generation Comics. For those of you who don’t know, Wizard is THE magazine when it comes to comics and Mark Waid is a kickass writer of comics. Well, about a year ago, while launching an imprint over at Image Comics with a few other creators, Mr. Waid said: “If I never see another comic book company start up with a shared universe again, I’ll be happy. I really think that shared universe, especially with start-up companies, are such a crutch and so hideously overrated as a marketing tool. “If I buy a book and find out it’s part of a new line and a shared universe, I feel like they’re just trying to con me into buying six books at once.” A couple months ago Mark Waid joined CrossGen Comics; a shared universe comic company that only began a year ago. I wrote to Wizard and called him a hypocrite, in a very nice and polite way. I mean, I agree with his decision to go to CrossGen, but he’s still a hypocrite. The next day I got a response from Mr. Waid that said, and I quote: “Tell him I’m schizophrenic.” That e-mail made my day. I mean, a comic writer that I admire greatly e-mailed me! It was tré cool. Yesterday, I got the new Wizard, an April Fools issue. In the letter column they sent crank letters to various people in comics and one was to Mr. Waid. In it they called him an idiot and insulted his decision to move to CrossGen. He in turn responded and gave that guy 26 comics (all of CrossGen’s comics at the time). My complaint is how come I didn’t get any free comics? My e-mail was much more polite and I got zip (except for the very cool e-mail). Isn’t is coincidental that a letter writer from Wizard gets free comics, but I, a lowly fanboy who wrote on my own, gets nothing! I ask you, is that fair? Until next time, my peeps.