Shut Up and Listen 19 Sunday July 22, 2001 Piece Of Chicken Shit That’s what I am. I talk a big talk and everything but I cannot even walk a child’s walk. I was all ready to go to the dollar store and speak to The Girl Whose Name I Don’t Write Just In Case Someone She Knows Reads This And The Tells Her. But I chickened out like I always do. You may all lower and shake your head in shame against me. Lyrics And The Idiots Who Listen The other day I’m sitting at the supper table as the shitty Destiny’s Child song, Bootylicious and the piece of crap ends with the lead dumbass saying “And my body’s too bootylicious for you baby.” And I said, “Man, is that chick conceited or what?” You never saw a table full of more blank looks. My sister says “What.” I say, “That Destiny’s Child chick.” “Why?” “At the end of that song. She says “And my body’s too bootylicious for you baby.” A bit conceited isn’t it?” “Huh. Never paid attention to the lyrics.” I was dumbfounded. Why wouldn’t she listen to the lyrics of a song she likes? What is wrong with people? I listen to the lyrics of every song, whether I like it or not. I really pissed my sister off when Pink’s first two songs came out. Her first one said she doesn’t want a guy who can’t buy her all those pretty things and shit. Her second song talks about how she doesn’t care about all that monetary shit and just wants true love. I found that funny. My sister did not and man, did she start some arguments that ended in me laughing my ass off. Monday July 23, 2001 The Search After a few discussions last week I’ve gone in search of pictures of girls from my school nude. I feel that it is my duty as a journalist to find those pictures and then spread them around as much as I can. No one who knows this person should be without copies of the pictures. But I have yet to find anything. It is some damn hard stuff. I’ve tried every possible way of getting it. I’ve waded through thousands upon thousands of other pictures and sites. I’ve tried about fifty or so different phrases on search engines. And what do I get? Nothing. I will continue the search and if I find what we’re all looking for, you will be the first ones to know. Well, after I tell everyone I know on ICQ. But Is It Art? Some of you may have heard about the case of the art student who tortured and skinned a cat while video taping it. He claims it to be art. Many people have supported him because they say you can’t define art. I say fuck that! Skinning a cat is not art. He committed a crime and I hope he gets convicted of it. He says that it done to show the cruelty that animals face when killed for food. And the best way to show this is to skin a cat? Why didn’t he just go to a cattle farm and tape the slaughter? I think the kid’s got issues personally. People have got to learn something: just because someone says it’s art, don’t make it art. That’s bullshit. I find art funny because what all those artist consider art these days, most people consider crap. Now, I’m a creative guy and all, but most of it is crap. It’s shit that I could put together in five minutes. It’s lazy ass people doing nothing and getting paid a shitload of money and still claiming to be “starving artists.” If this asshole gets off, I’m going out and killing every single person I don’t like and then use “But it’s art” defence. It’s like the “But it’s my religion” defence. You can do almost anything and just hide behind it. Tuesday July 24, 2001 Before You Do The Thing, You’ve Got To Have The Ring Okay, I’m going to give you a hypothetical situation: a man and woman become engaged. The woman breaks off the engagement. Should the man get the ring back? Well, a court in the US says yes. They ruled that an engagement ring is a “conditional gift.” Meaning, if you don’t get married, it must be returned. I agree with the decision. I think if the man buys an engagement ring and then the woman breaks it off then he should get it back. Some people say that it’s treating marriage like a business deal (almost a hundred percent women, I might add). Well, if you paid thousands of dollars for a ring and then learned that the purpose for that ring no longer exists wouldn’t you want the ring back? My point with the women is that they don’t buy the ring. If they say that they should keep it, they benefit. This ruling screws many women over. I just say that I think it’s right. Wednesday July 25, 2001 Interview With . . . Striker! Chris Striker is the man when it comes to Authority info. He runs the number one fan site for the popular comic. He’s interviewed comic creators involved with The Authority and is currently in talks to get the rights to post Tom Peyer’s scripts for the recent story arc Transfer Of Power. And now I get to interview him. Me: Okay, let's do this thing. Striker: HA! ? Striker: Game on then. Me: Tell us a bit about yourself. Striker: Well, let's see, I'm 23, male. I've been reading comics since 12/13. I live California, Sacramento to be exact. I'm going to school to get my MSE degree and working at Borders books, blah. Of course I run what looks like to be the only Authority site still being updated. Just loading the Art Adams preview art as we speak. Me: Now tell us about your Authority site, which kicks ass. Striker: Thank you, that means alot. Well I started it for 2 reasons: 1) I started it because there weren't many sites out there for fans to get information on. Well except the “Carrier“, but Chris, the guy running it, only updated it once a month and we know there news almost every week it seems. 2) I also did it because I needed something to keep me busy in order to save money for a trip over seas. So coding an entire page by hand, in notepad is very time consuming. Now my drive to my page is to keep the fans informed, well the fan who don't have the time to search the net. So I strive to be the #1 Authority site. Me: And what is the URL of that site? Man, you've got to market better. ? Striker: The Higher Authority *L* Yeah. Me: So, what stuff do you have on the site? Striker: Well I have Character Bios, Interviews, when I can get them, I'm working on getting Tom Peyer’s script. Preview art for up an coming issues along with the most up to date news as humanly possible. Striker: Oh and issue cover and interior art from the issues. Me: I really hope you get the Peyer scripts. I love reading other writer's (especially pros) scripts. Striker: Fingers are crossed. Me: Okay. So what's Cali like anyway? Striker: As of right now, hot! I really like it here, but depends on where you go, The City, San Francisco is pretty fun, but the traffic is horrible at time. Sacramento is a good city now that it's slowly growing and getting a more city feel to it. I don’t make it down to S.Cal but the beaches are nice. Then there are the Girls . . . MMMMMM Girls . . . uh, what was I talking about? The nearest beach is 2 hours away so no not everyone in CA lives near a beach, but I do have a lake in my back yard so I guess that’s close enough. Me: Speaking of chicks, any cool stories? Striker: *L* Well hhhmmm I have to say there are always interesting stories, but depends what your looking for. Striker: Most end badly. Me: Something that's funny and interesting. Or will make every guy who reads this jealous as hell. Your call. Striker: HHMMM . . . Striker: Well there was this one time me and my friend, Tim, were taking a trip to “the City” and he invited this girl he had a thing for and she invited two of her friends to tag along. I wasn’t too happy about this since it was supposed to be just me and him for a guys day out. It turned out to the trip from hell. For 2 hour it was Sublime playing; now I like Sublime, but two hours. But the one good thing was a Bum tried to pick a fight with one of the girls; talked about how the girl stole her man, and until we heard that we thought this bum was a dude. Tim stepped up to play the hero and almost came to blow, but then the bum started to flip out and go crazy, like she had a split personality and started to walk away calling us crazy. US crazy! But that was the only highlight of the trip . . . but Tim . . . Striker: But Tim goes for a kiss from one of the girls and a phone number from another. ME? I got sore feet from walking around the city for two hours. Striker: You should have been there. Me: That sounds like hell, man. Striker: Yeah . . . but it happens and I got a great girl now. Me: That's cool. Now, on to the hard questions: boxer or briefs? Striker: Boxers man, free balling it all the way Me: Damn right! Cats or dogs? Striker: Cats . . . grew up having cats. And dogs are just too much work at this time of my life Me: Summer or winter? Striker: Winter, personally, but the summer because girls clothes get smaller. Striker: But winter. Me: Winter is nice. Okay, you're given a box full of 100 untraceable bullets; who do you kill? Striker: HHMMM, I would kill, Todd MacFucklan for the Miracleman crap, so that’s fifty bullets right there, have to make sure he's dead, Joel Schumacher or whatever his name is, he killed the Batman franchise! Striker: I don't have many people I'd want to kill. Torture yes, but not kill. Me: Yeah! What's been your fave Authority arc? Striker: Favourite arcs? Nativity has to be #1 and The Circle #2. Me: Those two are everyone's faves. How about fave member if the Authority? Striker: Jack Hawksmoor because his one of the most original characters in many a years. Plus he has cool powers. Me: Who's your hero? Striker: Real or fictional? Me: Real. Striker: I'd have to say my stepfather Tom because he's what I what I would like to be. A good man, smart, and strong as an ox. Me: That's nice. Would you want to any comic work? Striker: Hell yeah! I've been working on a character for many years and I'd love to write a comic based on him. Me: Tell us all about him. Striker: Well His name is Chris Striker; I was 13 when I came up with him. He comes to earth by accident after a war on his ravages his home world, by enemies of their creature. The story is that the Cytronians, Striker's race, were built to be soldiers, until they rebelled for and humans were the first attempt and failed because they never developed abilities, like flight and energy projection and all that good stuff. But that wasn’t the case, the Humans eventually started having abilities, thousands of years later. Earth is now a forgotten world, more of a myth to the Cytronians. The second Major story arc is about Striker's war on Earth as Earth is going through the 2nd Neo war; Neo's being Mutants or Neo-humans, people with abilities. Striker: I'd better stop there or I'd write forever. Me: Why don't you write any fan fiction for your site? Striker: *L* Striker: I'm working on an Authority/Striker crossover story for the fan fiction page. Me: Cool. I'm working on a Hawksmoor story. Striker: Sweet, I just read the first part of Strategist's story. I can't wait to see yours. Me: Mine deals with Jack's parents. Unless that's what Ellis's upcoming story will be about. Striker: I think the Ellis story is about just Hawksmoor. “A Day in the Life of . . .” type of story. I think. Me: Ah. Cool. Striker: How long have you been on the Authority board? Me: Since about April. You? Striker: August; almost a year now. Me: Cool. I must ask: do you miss WonK? Striker: Hell yeah! We would exchange E-mails all the time and he was one of the major factor of my getting the Layman interview. You? Me: Oh yeah. Hey, what was it like interviewing Layman (editor of The Authority) and (Mark) Millar? That had to be cool. Striker: Well Talking to Layman on the phone was cool. A very nice guy. Still exchange e-mails with him form time to time. He's on of those people who doesn't over sell things; if he says it good, most likely it’s going to be good; and he likes my site. Mark Millar is great, but everyone on the board knows that, since he takes time to talk with us and answer all our questions and he recommends my site. The interviews were fun, but they were my first interviews and I didn’t know what questions were out of bounds and that sort. Striker: Kind of nerve racking, especially the first call to Layman, man was I nervous and I'm sure Layman knew. Me: That's cool. This is my third interview and I don't care what's out of bounds, dammit! Hey, do you get an info that you’re not allowed to tell people? Striker: Rarely. Me: Any right now? Striker: Nope. Me: Aw. Striker: I'm working on who's the replacement for Hitch (on the upcoming two-issue stint that Garth Ennis will be writing). Me: Hopefully it's someone good. I'm hoping for Stuart Immonen. I love his work. Striker: Well right now they haven’t gotten an artist, but are talking to a “Select” few. Me: Cool. Who's your favourite writer? Comics or prose. Striker: Comic: Mark Millar, Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Mark Waid. Striker: Pros: Steven King, don't read much so I'm at a loss for novel writer. Me: How about fave artists? Striker: Bryan Hitch, Art Adams, Jim Lee, J.G. Jones, Humberto Ramos, Todd Nauck. Me: Favourite comic of all time. Single issue or story arc. Striker: That’s a tough one. Hellblazer’s Dangerous Habits by Garth Ennis. Me: Favourite movie. Striker: The Killer. Me: Favourite TV show. Striker: Currently: Andromida. All Time: Babylon 5. Me: I love B5. Almost have all the episodes on tape. Space (Canada's sci-fi network) shows it at 7 every day. It's just near the end of season 5. 5 episodes left. Striker: Cool. Me: Have you read any of the books? Striker: Nope. Me: You should. The Peter David Legions Of Fire trilogy is really good. We learn what happens with Londo, Vir and David Sheridan. Striker: Really, I've got to check it out at work. Me: I hear the Psi-Corps trilogy's good too. Striker: I've heard that too. But I got to get through the Bruce Campbell book first: If Chins Could Kill. Me: Cool. Okay, if you could have one person to supper tonight, who would it be? Any person, alive or dead. Striker: Uh, Leonardo de Vince. Me: Really? Striker: Yeah, he's on of the great men in history: he could paint, write, and invent stuff. I'd just like to pick his brain for a night. Me: You realize he'd only speak Italian probably. Striker: Oh yeah. Hmmm . . . Striker: I'd like to talk with Robin Williams for a night as well. Me: He's a funny guy. So, what school do you attend anyway? Striker: MTI School of Business & Technology. Me: And what do you want to be when you get out of school? Striker: Well I'd like to do web design, but I want to be a Network Administrator. Me: Do you have any other websites out? Striker: I have my personal one that hasn’t been updated in over a year. I was planning on doing a Monarchy site, but between schoolwork and my girlfriend, doing The Higher Authority is all I have time for. Me: Do you get any free books at the store you work at or just a discount? Striker: Discount Me: What kind? Striker: 33% Striker: 33% off the list price. Me: Nice! I tell you I'd be spending a large amount of my pay there if I worked there. Striker: Well we get to check out books for two weeks. So you could read a whole series of books and never have to pay, unless you damage the book. Me: Well, I better let you go. Any parting words? Striker: Ok, well thanks for the chat. I hope I didn’t bore you. I enjoyed this very much. Parting words: “Go to my site!!! NOW! www.thehigherauthority.com *L* I guess that’s about it. Again thanks for the fun. Me: Thanks for being here, man. Thursday July 26, 2001 Good News And The Inevitable Bad News My dear and close friend Anarchy has brought forth information that is quite good today. We have been talking about my situation a bit and he mentioned he knows someone who could get me information. A couple of days pass and we get to today. He informs me that The Girl Whose Name I Don’t Write In Case Someone Who Knows Her Tells Her About This is now single. She no longer has a boyfriend. I don’t know how long it has been since the break-up, but I am quite pleased. And then I think about what must be done next and I get all depressed. I am not good at approaching girls. I’m not good at talking to them if I like them. I am not good at just talking period. I’ll try and impress her with something and say something stupid. I’ll come off geeky. I’ll come off as a little self-involved by talking about myself in a flattering light. Why does life have to be so hard? Friday July 27, 2001 Funny, Funny, Funny Shit Go to www.cookdandbombd.co.uk and go download the Brass Eye special. It is funny as hell. Within two minutes of watching I was in tears from laughter. Go now! It is very funny. Saturday July 28, 2001 Good News With No Bad News That I Can See Well I went to the mall today. And I went to the dollar store too. And The Girl Whose Name . . . was there. And from now on I’ll just refer to her as The Girl. I went and got another notebook and waited in line and she was the only one working cash, so I was quite excited. Then another register opened. I’m hoping that it’ll end up in my favour and guess what? It did. Here now is a transcript of what happened. The Girl: Hi, Chad. Me: Hey. The Girl: How’s your summer going? Me: Uh, good. You? The Girl: Good. Been working a lot. $1.15. Me: Yeah Chad hands The Girl the money as she gets out a bag. The Girl: Exact change. The Girl leans forward a bit. The Girl: I like that. (Because of this line I am feeling pretty damn good, so none of you say anything bad about it!) The Girl hands Chad the bag. The Girl: See ya. Me: Bye. And I walked out feeling fan-fugu-tastic. Comics Pt. 6 The topic this week is Marvel and the EIC, Joe Quesada. ****************************************************************************************** I read in the latest Wizard that Quesada won the right to keep a creator employed by arm-wrestling Bill Jemas. Like many others this pissed me off. What a trivial way to decide a person’s possible future. The prospect of a person’s career should not be taken so lightly. If the creator was involved with it and approved then that’s different, but otherwise that is sick. What I find even more nauseating is the fact that they felt the need to tell others. What, did they think we’d be impressed with that kind of shit? Another one of Marvel’s latest attempts to impress readers that failed hopelessly. ****************************************************************************************** It seems Quesada is more impressed with spots in the comic listings than actual sales of issues. I was reading about this in a few bits and pieces about Marvel’s print-to-order policy. Quesada was claiming that this policy actually helped sales. Everyone else knows that sales have gone up because of the recent addition of A-list talent to some of their core titles. In the July sales charts pretty much all of the Marvel titles increased in spot numbers, but many dropped in actual issues sold. Now, let me ask you something: which would you rather have; a higher spot or more actual sales? Any sane person would say more actual sales, but not Quesada. He brags about how the titles went up in spot but fails to mention that they dropped in sales. Makes sense don’t it? ****************************************************************************************** Now that Marvel has dropped the Code (which I love them for) they will be using their own in-house rating system. There are four ratings: G, PG, PG+ and Mature Readers. Now the G books will have no labels and the others will. In fact, the Mature Readers books will have a rather large label they have said. Am I the only one who thinks that this is bad for the industry? Look at real books; which books have labels, the ones for adults or the ones for kids? The answer is the ones for kids. Only children’s books have labels saying which age group they are appropriate for. Most of us want the industry to grow up and I think the way they are labelling the books is inhibiting that. While I’m talking about the labelling I should bring up Ultimate Marvel. Those books are rated PG; they should be allowed to go up to at least PG+. They are books about teenagers geared for teenagers and yet they aren’t allowed to go up to a teenage level. I will say this yet again: teenagers swear, they have sex (well I don’t but I hear it is quite popular) and they like to see those things. Sure, we can have regular Peter Parker who says “Gee whiz”, but I want to see Ultimate Peter Parker saying “Fuck.” Ultimate X-Men would be even better as a book that could go full out. I guess this also goes back a bit to society’s view that swearing is only appropriate for people 18 or older. That’s shit. ****************************************************************************************** I’m hearing some complaints about Marvel’s upcoming “Silent Issue” month where every title (except for mini series and specials) will be without words. I can’t wait for one reason: X-Treme X-Men. I can’t wait to see Claremont do a silent issue. I bet he’ll make it too verbose somehow though.