Shut Up and Listen 18 Sunday July 15, 2001 Chicks And Why I’m A Loser Pt. 2 Scenario 4: Chad walks in, girl’s behind register, doesn’t see Chad, Chad does his thing and goes to pay at her register. Girl: Hi, Chad. Chad: Hey, (girls name). Girl: How’s it going? Chad: Okay. Listen, I was wondering something. I kinda had a bit of a crush on you the past couple of years and was wondering if you could tell? Girl responds in either one or three ways: 1)Yes, she could tell. 2)No, she couldn’t tell. 3)Utter shock. Dream Conception and I were talking about this and he says I should just ask her and just get it over with. I will, hopefully, someday. Monday July 16, 2001 More On Chicks In an act of total and utter boredom today I broke out the yearbook and took stock of which girls in my grade are hot and which are not. The results are 55 hot, 110 not. Two not chicks for every hot chick. There were a few who fell in the middle though. You know, good looking girls who are total sluts or bitches, or okay looking girls with really good personalities. I didn’t just judge on looks, you know. Well, okay, for the most part I did. I was bored. Tuesday July 17, 2001 More On Chicks Pt. 2 It seems that everyone’s got something to say about my situation of sorts. It seems that all my friends don’t see me as the geek that I am. They see me on level playing field with other guys. Thanks, guys, it makes me feel better. I vow here and now before all of you reading this (unless I edit it away sometime in the future) that I will stop being such a pussy and actually ask girls out and all that shit. Ask a few if they could tell if I liked them for scientific purposes. It’s high school, who gives a rat’s ass? I came to this realization while talking to The Captain and telling him to just be direct with the Primary Target. I thought (and still think) it’s the best thing to do and I have been given the same advice many times. Why did I ignore it and then dish it out to my friend? That makes no sense. So I’m gonna take my own, and many others’, advice from now on. Wednesday July 18, 2001 Historical Comic I’ve finished one 12 page story in two six page stories. Meaning, half my job is done. I did half of the first part and the entire second part tonight. I had been putting it off and putting it off, so I just decided to do it tonight and get it done and I did. Now all I have to do is come up with another story. Nine Ball I’ve been watching nine ball competition on Sports Net lately when bored and I laugh half the time. The players get some hard shots that i could never make in a million years, but shouldn’t they be able to make almost any shot? They are professionals. It seems every shot they have to think and think about how to do it while the announcers are calling it the hardest shot they’ve ever seen. Fucking wimps that’s what I call them. They should be able to make that shot and any other. What do these guys do for practice? Line the cue ball up so that it’s perfectly in line with the other ball and pocket and practice that way? Besides the goal of nine ball is to sink the nine ball. You must hit the lowest numbered ball though every shot. I’m surprised how many of them don’t try to hit the lowest ball into the nine ball to sink it. I’ve it like once. They should really try it, the game would go quicker. Friday July 20, 2001 Interview With . . . Doc Wagon! Like, Lord Kinbote, I met Doc Wagon on the Authority message boards and then as a fellow member of HIDA. He’s intelligent and always has good ideas. Here’s our conversation. It is slightly edited from our chat on Yahoo Messenger. A sample of the Doc’s writing can be found here. Me: Alright, Doc. tell us a bit about yourself. Doc Wagon: I was born a millennium ago, in a small village underneath Mount Olympus. Doc Wagon: Oh, you want serious? Me: Yeah. Doc Wagon: My name's Rand Ratinac, but I go by the pen name of Jason Rand. Easier to remember. Doc Wagon: I work full-time, doing computer support for the Australian Red Cross Blood Service. I'm an altruist - I must be, for the amount of money I get paid. ? Doc Wagon: I was born in America, but I've lived in Australia most of my life. Me: What's with name Doc Wagon? Doc Wagon: Well, I've been a roleplayer for a long time. My favourite game is one called Shadowrun - dark future setting, cyberpunk, the whole nine yards. Anyway, they've got a private ambulance service called DocWagon in the game. When I started working for the ARCBS, I was the closest thing to a medical worker one of my friends knew and he started calling me that. It stuck. ? Doc Wagon: How lame is that? ? Me: Not that bad. Doc Wagon: You're too kind. ? Me: So, you were born in America? No descending from convicts, eh? Damn. Doc Wagon: Sorry . . . although my mother's Australian . . . but her family is relatively new to the country as well. Doc Wagon: Not a convict in my background, alas. Me: Oh. So is it winter there right now? Doc Wagon: Oh, yeah . . . I'm freezing my . . . extremeties off. Me: Heh. Okay, what kind of writing do you do? Doc Wagon: Well, that's a good question. Me: I know. Doc Wagon: For the longest time, I've only written prose. I've been reading since I was three, so there was no question I was going to write. I've always had strong likes and dislikes in prose. My favourite genre has always been fantasy, followed closely by science fiction. In the past 7 or so years, cyberpunk has shot up there as well. But now that I'm writing comics, I'm finding I enjoy writing a wider selection of things - modern stories, action, dark psychological tales . . . even parody. Me: What comics have you written? Doc Wagon: Well, so far I've only written four 10 page scripts for a company called Committed Comics. That's for publication, mind you, and considering that I've only been writing comics for three or four months, that's not a bad effort, I feel. They'll be turning up in Committed's Threads title a little down the track. Be sure to have a look for them. ? Doc Wagon: Apart from that, I've been working on a 'cyberpunk setting with a twist' and a quartet of titles set in it. Those are my babies - one of these days I'll be taking them somewhere that likes creator-owned comics and starting a dynasty of my own. At least, that's the plan. ? Doc Wagon: And of late, I've been putting together a history, plot and proposal for a modern conspiracy tale. With any luck, that one will see the light of day sooner rather than later. Me: Cool. How about other writings. Can we find any of them elsewhere? Doc Wagon: Well, yes and no. I've got a few short stories I wrote for some competitions at (go there - great place, great people). The owner of that page also has a forum up, where I've posted the first few chapters of a crime story set in the Shadowrun universe. There are plans, though, for a site where I'll be showing off my stories, as well as the stories and (hopefully) art of some friends. I'll be sure to let you know when that's up and running. Me: All right, now to the hard questions: any cool stories involving a chick? Doc Wagon: Heh heh heh . . . well, I wouldn't say “cool” stories. I'm not exactly adventurous by nature. Oh, there have been girls . . . but only one that really got under my skin . . . alas . . . Doc Wagon: Sounds like a soap opera, doesn't it? Me: Sort of. Okay, do you have a girlfriend? Doc Wagon: Not right now. Unlucky in love, that's me. ? Me: Me too. Me: Okay: boxers or briefs? Doc Wagon: Briefs for everyday wear. They comfort me. ? Boxers for when I AM feeling adventurous. Me: Eww . . . cats or dogs? Doc Wagon: Hey, it's not as bad as it sounds. ? Dogs, though. All the way. Cats aren't bad, but cat people irritate me. ? I'm an all-round animal lover. Me: Winter or summer? Doc Wagon: Winter . . . but only with the heating up high. Me: Rap or rock? Doc Wagon: Rock. No question. Me: If I gave you a suitcase full of untraceable bullets, like in 100 Bullets, you would you whack? Doc Wagon: Well, I'm a very laidback person by nature, so I don't have any personal enemies I'd go looking for. But the politicians, the drug dealers and big-time criminals . . . crooked corporate bosses . . . terrorists . . . the people the world could really do without, you know? That's who I'd go for. Me: That's great, man. I'd kill Orsini. I hate him so much! What side of the political spectrum are you on? And none of that “I vote for whoever seems best for the job” crap. Doc Wagon: Hah! Well, you got me pegged. Over here in Australia we have the Labour party (socialists) and the Liberals (mmm . . . kinda right wing - hard to define). Similar to your Democrat and Republican parties, to a degree. I vote Liberal - but don't get too uptight - they're nowhere near as bad as the Republicans. ? And in the long term, they're better for the country than Labour. Okay, so there are a few things I do get worked up about. ? Me: I live in Canada, but get what you're saying. Me: Favourite writer? Doc Wagon: Prose? David Eddings. The man combines high adventure and humour superbly. Not really the most ponderously intellectual stuff, but I read to enjoy and to escape. Comics? Alan Moore, easily, although Warren Ellis is slowly catching up. Me: Are you an ass man or a breast man OR are you a leg man? Doc Wagon: *lol* Sorry to disappoint, but I'm a face man...after that, I'm a body man. I appreciate ALL the features of a lovely woman. ? Me: Do you miss WonK? Doc Wagon: Oh, immeasurably. My little holiday helped, but now that I'm getting back into the swing of things, his absence is felt most strongly. Me: Okay, Marvel or DC is on the phone and they're offering you any existing title. Which do you choose and why? Doc Wagon: Would you believe I really can't decide? It's been a long time since I read much from either company. Snap decision, though . . . Spider-Man. Or maybe one of the X-Men titles, as long as I could play with Wolverine. Doc Wagon: I'm a sucker for the X-Men movie. ? Me: Shen or Angie? Doc Wagon: Oh, you DO ask the hard ones. ? Me: Yeah. Doc Wagon: Perhaps Shen, from her Stormwatch days. These days, though, Angie all the way. I mean, really . . . the things that girl could do . . . ? Me: I know. Me: Favourite Authoritarian? Doc Wagon: Originally, Jenny Sparks, just for her attitude. I'd be her whipping boy and love it. ? With Jenny out of the picture, it'd be Hawksmoor. Me: Jenny frightens me. The mini Mark Millar did sucked though, don't you think? Doc Wagon: Can't say, yet. I'll be picking that up soon, but I still have a few more things to get. I've only been back into comic collecting for 4 or 5 months, after a layoff of years. Me: It sucked, trust me. Doc Wagon: I'll take your word for it. Alas, I'm a completionist. I HAVE to get it. I have no choice. ? Me: Okay, don't you find time zones funny? I mean, right now we are existing at the same time and yet you are 14 hours ahead of me. If we were born at the exact same time, you would still be 18 hours older. Do you find that as weird and disturbing as I do? Doc Wagon: Just a little. Of course, assuming we HAD been born at the same time, we'd be the same age. Born in America, remember? ? So I actually celebrate my birthday hours before I was born over here. Now that IS weird. Me: Yeah. One has to wonder how we'll actually handle time when we make it into space. Doc Wagon: Jeez, don't make me think about that. It's too early. (Yeah, it's midday, sure - but it's Saturday). ? Me: See, it's Friday night here. You're living in the future, man! Doc Wagon: It's a paradox. The world will explode now. ? Me: Do you ever get tired explaining things to American message board posters because they're too arrogant and self-centred to learn about other countries? I know I do. Doc Wagon: *lol* Now, we should be more diplomatic than that if we want to make a career out of American comics, shouldn't we? Doc Wagon: Let me put it this way, though. In my job, I deal with nurses. On the whole, nurses are possibly one of the most computer illiterate groups of people on the planet. I have to explain things to them...many, many times, in very simple words. Sometimes, our American brethren strike me as very similar to nurses. And before any of you American readers complain, let me just say this: some of my friends and I have been asked by Americans, very seriously, whether we have a) trees, b) grass and c) air in Australia. I rest my case. ? Me: I guess it pisses me off more because Canada is just north of the US and they should know shit about us. Doc Wagon: Heh heh heh . . . yeah, can't argue with that. Me: No, but the Authority boards have been pretty good for that. Intelligent people there. Doc Wagon: You're right there. I do find it amusing that some of these most devoted of comic fans are educated, articulate and intelligent professionals - but the general public still see comics as a medium for kids. That's one of the things I hope to help change. Me: Who's your hero? Doc Wagon: Ohhh . . . that's another good one. I guess I don't really have heroes. I have people I look up to, I have people who impress me through their abilities in their respective fields . . . but no true hero. Well, except Bill Gates . . . a man who can be such a geek and still become the world's richest man . . . Doc Wagon: Ah, who am I kidding? I just want his money. ? Me: Did you know he could give away 99% of it and still be a big-ass millionaire? Plus, get a lot back from the government as a tax write-off. Doc Wagon: Can you get a message to him? Charitable donations are always appreciated. Please? Somebody? Bill! Help me, Bill! Doc Wagon: Ahem. Doc Wagon: Sorry. Me: What comics do you read? Doc Wagon: Well, right now it's mostly the Wildstorm properties. I'm nearly done collecting those. At that point, I guess I'll have to look around for something else to keep me occupied. Doc Wagon: DAMN, Authority back issues are hard to find! ? Me: Just get the trades. that's what I'm doing with Transmetropolitan and Preacher. Doc Wagon: You North Americans . . . you're spoiled, you know that? I AM going to get the trades . . . when I can find them. ? Me: How late do comics reach you? I know I get them in the store on the Wednesday. Do you have to wait a day or two? Doc Wagon: Generally a few days to a week. It varies. It's never too long, though, which is good. Some things, like certain books and movies, you have to wait months for. That's the one thing that's bad about living in Australia. That and our sucky dollar. Would you believe I had to pay $9.75 for the last issue of Genactive? Me: You got gipped. It sucked. Me: We’ve got to pay more too. Doc Wagon: Yeah, poor Canada. Of course, once we start getting paid for our writing, we'll be getting paid in American dollars. And that WILL be a good thing. ? Me: Oh yeah! So what's Australian TV like? I love TV, do you get a lot of US programming? Or do have to put up with a lot of homemade shit? I get a bit of both. Doc Wagon: Well, we get a good mix. Personally, I'm a fan of American television. I watch the tube to melt my brain, not exercise it, and American programming is good for that. The Australian stuff . . . oh, let's not go there. And before you ask, I don't like soaps, and I LOATHE reality TV. ? Me: Me too. For some strange reason Fox has the best shows on. Except for their reality TV shit. Doc Wagon: The Simpsons? Doc Wagon: Oh, hang on - you're supposed to be asking the questions, right? Me: Them, Family Guy, Titus, That 70's Show, Futurama, King Of The Hill, Boston Public. Maybe a few more. Doc Wagon: Oooo, That 70's Show, Futurama . . . . couple of my favourites there. Me: You get any HBO shows? Like The Sopranos or Sex And The City? Doc Wagon: We do . . . always late at night, though. Not my thing, really. Don't tell anyone, but I'm a big Buffy and Angel fan, actually. Doc Wagon: Oh, wait . . . Doc Wagon: This is an interview . . . Doc Wagon: Damn it. Me: Heh. Buffy and Angel suck. Doc Wagon: Heathen! Joss Whedon will strike you down with thunder and lightning for that! Doc Wagon: Ahem. Me: Bah! Doc Wagon: I'm warning you, man. King Joss has a long reach. ? Me: How about movies, what movies do you like? Are you waiting for Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back like I am? Doc Wagon: To tell you the truth, I've never seen a Kevin Smith film. Don't get excited - I will one of these days. ? No, I'm personally looking forward to the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the X-Men sequel(s), and praying the Star Wars 2 and 3 aren't as bad as The Phantom Menace. Me: Yeah. My view is that Lucas just decided to sell it on its name. If the words Star Wars weren't on it, it would never have been made a movie. Doc Wagon: I just hope that when the three are viewed as a package we'll be able to see what he was trying to achieve. Oh, and death to Jar Jar Binks. Me: Damn right! Okay, favourite band/musician? Doc Wagon: No real single favourite, but if I had to pick one, it'd be Creed. I also rank Tonic, Filter, Three Doors Down, Lifehouse and a few others up with them. Personally, though, I'm of the 'if it sounds good, i'll get it' school of though, rather than being totally devoted to one band or another. The things you'd find in my CD rack . . . ? Me: Okay, hottest chick alive? Doc Wagon: Ha! Oh, jeez, that one varies by the day and what movie or television show I saw the night before. But if I was forced to make just one choice . . . okay, don't kill me for this, but . . . Hudson Leick, the lady who played Callisto on Xena, Warrior Princess. Man, something about an evil, psycho queen in leather . . . ? Me: She is very fine. Me: Okay, any last words for the readers? Doc Wagon: Read my books! Well, that and . . . buy my books! Doc Wagon: Heh . . . you want words of wisdom? Here's something. Reading is something to be enjoyed, whether it's prose, comics, non-fiction, whatever. Read what you like, whenever you like - and read more. It's good for the brain. Most importantly, don't let anyone tell you what you should be reading - if you like it, it's good. Me: Thanks for your time. Doc Wagon: Thanks for having me. It's been a pleasure being had. ? Saturday July 21, 2001 Comics Pt. 5 This week’s ranting and raving will be a little less organized, as I have nothing really in mind. Okay, I know what’s killing the comic industry (if something is killing it). It is too many dickhead fans stuck in the fucking past. I am sick to death about going to message boards and reading all about how they don’t like the new and exciting stuff being done. I love Grant Morrison’s X-Men. It is cool and hip and is not a children’s book. I know I’ve commented on this before, but I can’t help it. People complain about Emma Frost’s new powers and Beast’s new look mainly. In regards to Emma’s new powers, I say good. Morrison wanted the Queen Bitch on his team and saw that Emma Frost was it. Then he saw that if he put her on there would be not one, not two, but three psi-powered characters, so he changed her powers so they were a bit more different and original. He could have just created a new character and then I’d be hearing whines about ripping off Emma Frost. “Why doesn’t he just use Emma Frost. This new character is just a cheap imitation.” As for Beast’s new look, hey, think of it as a new costume . . . oh wait, you bitch about those, too. I’m out of ideas. I like the book and a lot of others, who never read X-Men before because it sucked before, like it too. If you could put up with Claremont’s second go at the titles, you can live through something a thousand times better. ****************************************************************************************** I saw today that Kevin Smith will be doing Black Cat at Marvel. Whoopie-shit. I love this guy. He’s seen that if he writes something, people will buy it and is now testing it out on a less popular character. Daredevil and Green Arrow always had a solid group of loyal fans and were respected in their universes. Black Cat has shit. She has a few loyal fans who give us comic readers a bad name (I’m talking about the obsessed fans who actually dress up as her; females and males). If this title sells huge, he’ll know he can write any piece of crap and people will buy it. After that I can see him doing a title featuring a newly resurrected Betty Banner and drawing it himself just to see how far you people will go. ****************************************************************************************** I find myself reading less and less super hero books. Mostly I read them because my dad buys them and I generally read everything he buys except for really, really shitty titles (X-Treme X-Men, I’m looking at you). I’m currently buying more non-super hero titles. Today I picked up three items: Hellblazer 141 (an issue from the Ellis run), Bad World 1, and Transmetropolitan: Filth of the City. The last time I was at the comic shop I bought Transmetropolitan: Lust For Life, Transmetropolitan: The New Scum and Stranger Kisses 1-3. I also read a bunch of Wildstorm titles that aren’t really super hero books, but more good comics that feature super powered people. I just find that a bit strange.