Shut Up and Listen 15 Sunday June 24, 2001 Chatting Again Here’s yet another quote from talks between Lunchbox and I: Lunchbox: Yeah, I'm pretty bored so any outside stimuli gets a pretty instantaneous response. Me: Man, if you lived like me, you wouldn't be so bored. I was content to spend the day reading, or on the computer. Lunchbox: Arg, no outside interaction, ack, friends, no contact with, eek, going insane!!!!! GAH! Wanna see what I'm working on now? Me: Who drew it? You say it was Blondie [name changed] and you know my answer. Lunchbox: It was . . . uh . . . Overcast [name changed]. Me: I call you a liar. The only way you'll make me see it is if you post it and I check out the thread because it has the name Malafore. Lunchbox: I'm not done it yet, I still need to do the background. God I hate backgrounds. Me: Yeah and people seem to hate your backgrounds. ;) Lunchbox: Actually, one guy said he liked it. Me: One out of . . . a bigillion. Lunchbox: Not a bigillion, just 14. Oh and by the way, I'm not homely! [Check the guestbook] Me: Like I said: that's mature, man. Lunchbox: Oh, you already saw the guestbook sig? Me: Yeah. Right after I came back from eating. I sent you a message saying that's mature. Lunchbox: Hehe Me: Most people would take the insults with grace. Not you, Homely. Lunchbox: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I'll kill you I'll kill you all! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Me: Yeah, you know you're homely. Lunchbox: I'm not even 100% sure what homely is. Me: You. Lunchbox: Yeah, well I got a girlfriend and you don't nah nah nih nah nah Me: She could have impaired vision. Or is a masochist. Lunchbox: Yeah, probably. Oh well, I like her. :) Me: And that's all that matters, Homely. Lunchbox: Yeah I guess. Well now that the drugs have kicked in, I don't care if I'm homely. Me: Good for you. Accepting who you are is the first step. Lunchbox: Yeah, now if I could only do it without the massive quantities of drugs. Me: Just take it one day at a time. Lunchbox: Yup. Peak It seems every entertainer or any sort has a peak. I find it strange that it is often early in their career. I noticed this while listening the Radiohead’s second album, The Bends this weekend. This is their best album. With it they peaked. That’s not to say what came after wasn’t good, it’s just that this is their best. Alan Moore did it with Watchmen; Frank Miller with The Dark Knight Strikes Back; Sean Connery with the Bond flicks; the Barenaked Ladies’ first album, Gordon; Kevin Smith with Clerks; Tarrantino with Pulp Fiction. All of their best work was relatively early in their careers. For most of them I like what they did after, but it just didn’t quite have the same magic. Monday June 25, 2001 Write-Off! Over at the Wizard World message boards in the writer’s section we are currently having a write-off. Here’s the description of what must be done, courtesy of the last write-off’s winner, Bronzetree: Your main character's name is Powerhouse. His real name is Sam Hall. He's one of the world's greatest super-heroes. He's more or less in the same class as Superman, sans the heat vision. He can fly, is super-strong and nearly invulnerable. He's loved throughout America and the world. He's saved it a thousand times over and is the idol of millions. I want you to reveal a deep dark secret about Powerhouse. Something that would shock the world if they knew about their beloved hero. A secret that would very likely destroy his credibility entirely and make him an outcast. You can choose to either have Sam reveal his secret to the world or keep it to himself. The choice is yours. You can also take liberties with his origin, costume ideas and supporting cast to fit your script. I wrote my script last night from about midnight until one or so. It’s is by far not my best work, but I felt a little bad about missy the last write-off, so I did this one early. Was the first one to post an entry. The feedback has been . . . mixed. Some praise, some criticism. Mainly from one guy who didn’t like my twisting of Superman’s origin. He said it’s been done and I agree with him. But not my way. Go read it to find out how I did Powerhouse at Powerhouse Chevett-style The Tale Of The Captain This week I’ll be telling you all about The Captain. Got some funny response to the Lunchbox story, so here’s The Captain: I met The Captain in grade nine at good ol’ Saint Thomas Aquinas Secondary School. He was a geek, I was a geek, we shared pretty much all our classes, so we became friends. There were four of us who shared the same classes, plus Overcast, who was my best friend. We ate lunch together. Okay it was more like everyone mooched off of me since I got free food because my mom worked in the cafeteria. And it was damn good food! So, The Captain and I have been friends for a few years. Out of all my friends, he and I are the most alike. Lunchbox and I are similar, but The Captain and I function on the same wavelength. Same sense of humour: twisted and weird. We make fun of the same people. Just giving you a bit of a history lesson. So, to my surprise around two-three months ago he informs me he bought a ticket to prom. He asks if I’m going to go and I say no. A week later, we’re chatting on ICQ and he mentions he wants to sell his ticket. Apparently he’s had some problem with tuxes and he was talked into the purchase by Dream Conception and Mouse. After a while he goes away and when he returns . . . Captain: Well, after some further conferring, looks like I'll be keeping that prom ticket and getting a tux after all. Me: Really? Captain: Yep. I would also like to announce that the apocalypse is coming, and that hell will be freezing over sometime soon. Me: Since when are you getting a tux? And how? Captain: Going with a few friends tomorrow, hopefully. Down at Bud Gowans in Masonville. Me: Who? Captain: Mouse and Dream Conception. They are there for comments and mockery, respectfully. Me: Yes, mockery. Captain: Here I thought you were going to be interested in the apocalypse comment, but oh well. Me: Ah, the apocalypse, what's new about that? I've heard the apocalypse predicted over twenty thousand times. Come on, how about someone predicted tomorrow's gonna actually happen? We need to be more optimistic. Fatalism is a disease that is killing us and we need to stop it. >snickersnicker< Captain: Well, it isn't a sure prediction, but a damn good one. Remember the sign of the apocalypse that would occur that relates into prom? Me: And that sign would be? I never heard of it and I'm up on all the apocalyptic signs. From the Four Horsemen to the Alliance getting into power. Captain: Well, we both agreed that either of us getting dates must be a sign of the apocalypse. Me: Ah, but you don't have a date, therefore no apocalypse . . . unless . . . No, it can't be true. it can't! NO, IT CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can it? Captain: Yes. I'm going with The Primary Target (Mouse's friend, maybe you know her). Oh look at that purdy wall of fire coming this way... Me: . . . sorry, bad reaction. that's great, man, I'm happy for ya. But, what? Captain: I still think that. It's not a “date” date per se, more of a going “as friends” thing. But still... Man that 300 foot wall of fire takes a while to get here. I was not the brightest bulb in the box on that one, but yes, The Captain had a date. Duh-duh-duuuuhhhhh! The following weeks spent up to prom were spent with little talk of the subject except for how fucking amazing it was. I could tell by the way The Captain was talking that he was hoping this “just friends” fiasco would become a “more than friends” event. Not that I can blame him. Hell, a girl says hello to me and I think it’s fucking come on. So, we both agree that it is impossible and make fun of him. Prom comes and goes, he had a good time, couldn’t tell if she did. The Primary Target told Mouse that she did, but was she telling the truth? Does Mouse know that The Captain likes the Primary Target? How about Dream Conception? The game begins. To be continued tomorrow . . . Tuesday June 26, 2001 The Tale Of The Captain Pt. 2 Yesterday in “The Tale Of The Captain” . . . shit, if you can’t remember from four lines up then you are a dumb fuck and are not allowed on my site anymore. So, The Captain likes The Primary Target and tells only me about it, because I’m the only one he can trust. Since Dream Conception is going out with Mouse, and Mouse is best friends with The Primary Target, those two cannot be trusted. The others . . . well, does the name Lima Bean tell you? One day he started with that whole sea talk about it and that’s where he got the nickname, as did The Primary Target (and, no, there is no secondary target). So, he’s trying to move himself into a better position without giving up his current position. Avoiding all the pitfalls of the other ships. I now step into the role of Admiral, advisor to The Captain. My advice from the start was just go for it straight up. Don’t play these games, just ask her out. He didn’t want to do that, so I advised him to “Damn the torpedoes! Ramming speed!”, which means god knows what. All throughout this we’re also trying to guess if anyone’s on to him. Does Mouse know? Does she suspect? How about Dream Conception? Then the bomb was dropped. Lima Bean knew. Something you’ve got to know about Lima Bean: he’s a moron. I don’t like the guy at all. He’s a complete and utter idiot. I know he’s not reading this and don’t really care if he does. It would be about time someone told him instead of us all thinking it. So, if Lima Bean knew, everyone would know. But somehow, SOMEHOW, no one else picked up on it. Now the goal became shut Lima Bean up. Assassination plots were hatched (no lie), people hired (no lie again), me chickening out of killing someone. It was soon established that Lima Bean wasn’t going to blab, although the fucker did scare The Captain a few times. In here somewhere there was the discussion in the library, which was funny as hell, because The Captain and I were talking in that damn sea-talk and Lunchbox is standing there with no clue as to what the fuck we’re talking about. We clued him as well as we could without actually saying anything right out. He did fuck by saying a minor thing to Dream Conception, but it didn’t wreck anything. So, The Captain is trying to get back to port and just back off for a while, but everytime he thought he was out, they’d pull him back in. You see, he made the mistake of seeing The Primary Target everyday with the others around. He also made the mistake of chatting with her on MSN (the tool of the Devil, I tell you!). By this time a few weeks ago, everyone knew, except for The Primary Target, who I think is just following the mindset “if I ignore it, maybe it will go away.” The Captain was worried about Mouse betraying him, which she still hasn’t, to our knowledge. Neither has Dream Conception. Interesting part is that The Primary Target may have a primary target of her own that isn’t a captain. Some Brit or something she knows. Supposedly coming to live here or something, The Captain wasn’t clear on the details. Now The Captain has been trying to lay low and just avoid the whole thing. Can’t say I blame him. If anything new about The Captain should arise, I will not hesitate to tell every single one of my loyal readers, as long as I have his permission. Bill Maher, He Is A Smart Guy Watching Politically Incorrect on the comedy network this evening and man, was it good. A transcript ca be read at right here. Go to June 25 if it’s still there. Got me thinking about life. Bill Maher was making a good point about that lady who suffered from postpartum depression and killed her kids. He was asking whether or not she should be killed. Everyone said immediately no, she isn’t right in the head; needs therapy; no death penalty; all that. Then he said something that he’s said before: “I guess what it comes down to is I don't understand why every life is so precious. I'm not talking about the kids, I'm talking about this woman's life. She tried to commit suicide. She was depressed. Now she killed her children. What could happen in this woman's life after this that would put any meaning to preserving it?” I had to agree with him. Why keep her alive? Sure, she had a mental illness, but do you think she’d want to live the rest of her life knowing that she wasted her kids? Fuck, and some people say the death penalty is cruel. He’s said something else before, too: “Life itself is not precious. It is the quality of life that is precious.” People have this notion that being alive is enough. I say if you can improve the quality of people’s lives, like relief work in Africa and such, but in a woman a case like this, what does she have worth living for? How can her life possibly be improved? Then they got onto guns. Guns suck people. I’d rather me and my family be shot than me have a gun. It’s the principle of the matter. Bill Maher said it right when he told them that the US Constitution wasn’t written for today. It was written by a small group of militants. Someone mentioned guns not being the most dangerous thing in the world and I agree. What she failed to mention was the most dangerous thing in the world: ignorance. Namely, her support of guns. She mentioned that more people die of aspirin overdoses a year than by guns. Ignorance on two accounts I believe. Wednesday June 27, 2001 Grad Well, I graduated high school tonight. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Just wanna tell Little Man Rump, Tubby Bitch, Lunchbox and Grizzly Adams (hey, Grizzly Adams, e-mail me, man or get ICQ! We miss your humour!) that you were all missed. Got a chance to see Mr. McDonald again. Thanked him for the wonderful job he did. Saw Mr. Sweeney, too, he was his usual self: funny and kind as hell. Everyone sitting down? Good, because I’ve got news that could make some of you fall down. Lima Bean’s girlfriend, one that he’s been saying he has but no one’s ever seen, exists. You okay? I believe my exact words to The Captain were: “The foundation of my world is crumbling. Self-esteem dropping . . . dropping . . . dropping . . . dropping . . . gone.” Garrod’s valedictorian speech wasn’t that bad. It was a typical speech. I got the impression in his thanks that another person “helped” him with it. We all know what that means. Thursday June 28, 2001 Let Down Today I got a request from Overcast. He wants to know if I want to work with him on a comic. He’s got the concept, wants a bunch of us to do it. Wants me to write the scripts. Now Overcast is my oldest and dearest friend, but I’m VERY hesitant to work on another comic with him involved in any way. He has what we all call ADD. He’s an artist, they all have it. He was going to be my artist on Incandescent, but just couldn’t get the pencils out. He didn’t even finish issue one. He did the same thing to Lunchbox. Plus, I’m quite busy right now, what with the historical thing and a sample I’m preparing for another company. He wants to do a manga/anime-influenced comic. I don’t like manga or anime. The story isn’t my type of story. But he is my friend and how does one turn down a friend? I’m still gonna think about it for a few days and see if any ideas pop out at me, but right now, there’s no way I’m doing it. Man, I feel bad. Friday June 29, 2001 “He’s A Bad Mother--” “Shut Your Mouth!” Just saw Shaft on the movie network. Good movie, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I’m here to talk about Samuel L. Jackson. I realized tonight that he may be the baddest motherfucker on the whole planet. He’s also the best person ever at saying “motherfucker.” Seen Pulp Fiction? If you haven’t, what the fuck is the matter with you? How about Jackie Brown? If you haven’t seen that, then I forgive you because it wasn’t as good or as popular as Pulp Fiction. Jackson is one badass when he wants to be. My mom said she wouldn’t want to run into him in a dark alley, just because of how goddamn scary he can look. I told her he’s supposed to be a nice guy and that look is just great acting. Saturday June 30, 2001 Lunchbox And The Lunch Lady Talking to Lunchbox today and well, I’ll just quote him: We actually had our first date alone on Thursday. We went to see Shrek; she didn't have any money so I even got to pay for her and everything. It was great. Let’s hear it for the incredible Lunchbox, folks! Lucky Guy I was gonna spend my twenty bucks today on comics, but my dad went to the shop right from work, not knowing I was planning on going, too. No biggie, I’ll go next week, right? Then I’m in Chapters and they’ve got Et Tu, Babe by Mark Leyner! This guy is one of my favourite novelists and this is his best book, so I bought it. I’ve never been happier that my dad’s a dumbass. Comics Pt. 2 You know, I’ve decided to do this every week now. Comics are a big part of my life, so each and every week I’ll be speaking my mind on them. ****************************************************************************************** In regards to last week, I was thinking about some more about JMS’ Spidey and I realized something else that applies to a lot of comics. These character have been around for decades in our world and around five to ten years in their worlds. Why is it after so long a writer will always introduce a character that knows the secrets of the hero and has always known but has been waiting for the “right time?” “Oh, he’s been in mortal danger a thousand times before and the knowledge I bring could have made things easier on him then, but I think now is the right time.” That’s shit. What would have happened if the hero died in one of those past instances? No real person would do something like that. Okay, some would, but for the most part I think it’s shit. ****************************************************************************************** There was an article written this past week that I read off a link from the Wizard World Message Boards. In it the writer explains his lack of understanding of why comic creators long to write or draw their favourite character instead of doing a better story with creator-owned characters. Any story you can tell with Superman, odds are you can tell a better one with a character of your own creation and with less editorial interference. I agree with this. I don’t have a lot of ambition to write existing characters, except for maybe the odd mini-series or special. It’s been my experience when I take a story that I’ve written with my own characters and translate it to existing characters or vice versa, the story with my characters is always ten times better. Firstly, just because of the dialogue. You can’t make Superman say shit or fuck. Real people say shit and fuck. Secondly, editorial interference. Companies won’t let you do certain things with their characters because they don’t want to tarnish the reputation or whatnot. It’s my belief that early in his career, Spider-Man punched through a few crooks’ skulls by mistake. He didn’t know his own strength that well. Would Marvel ever let me do a story about this? No way in hell. I’ve plotted out a 12 issue mini called Villain, which uses the archetypes of pretty much every major super hero out there. I’ve also seen how to make it into something I call Justice League Authority. I get to write both, now which do you think will be stronger? The one where I use my own characters and get to do whatever I want; or the one with well known and loved characters where odds are I’ll be told every step of the way to change this or change that? The second may sell better because of the characters used, but the first will be better. But that’s just my opinion. ****************************************************************************************** X-Men fanboys crack me up. I can’t go on a message board these days without seeing some X-fanboy telling me that the X-Men are supreme and call destroy anyone. Now, I don’t want to get into a big thing here, and I really didn’t want to get dragged down to this level, but I can’t stand it anymore. The X-Men for the most part have shitty, weak-ass powers. I’m sick of hearing how Wolverine can beat anyone. PUT ABOUT FIFTY ROUNDS OF BULLETS THROUGH HIS EYES AND SEE IF HE CAN RECOVER WITHOUT ANY BRAINS. I’m sorry, lost control there for a minute. While I’m on the subject of the X-Men, I’d like to say a few things about the new creative teams. Many long-time readers don’t like Morrison or Casey’s writing. I loved Morrison’s first issue; Casey’s was okay. People complain about Morrison’s “lack of proper characterization.” I, for one, am glad Morrison made the X-Men grow the fuck up and evolve past kiddie comics. You wanna know what writing is wrong with the X-titles? Claremont’s. When asked to do an X-Men story for Marvel Knights, Garth Ennis researched the X-Men a bit and then turned down the story. Why? “I read about all these ridiculously dressed characters doing unlikely things and talking and talking and talking while they did it. It was the weirdest damn experience.” That’s what Claremont is still doing. His plots are good, but his text is way too heavy. I don’t need to read about what the character is doing when I can look at the goddamn picture! What’s the artist there for then? And go buy X-Force, the lot of you. Best new comic out there, with the best concept out there.