Shut Up and Listen 12 Sunday June 3, 2001 Conversations Here are a few conversations that have taken place recently: The first is between the Captain and me: Me: Yeah. Damn sub-conscious, betraying my friends! Who do you call when the evil sub-conscious wreaks terror in the real world? SUPER-EGO! “Up in the frontal lobe! It's a neuron! It's an electric impulse for the movement of the middle toe on the right foot! It's . . . SUPER-EGO!” Captain: That super-ego is getting to you again... snap out of it! Me: Wonder what would happen if I just did what my super-ego wanted . . . Get a girlfriend probably through some sort of means that my ego just won't allow because it's so outlandish. Captain: Also a possibility. But now I think you are really starting to stray away from the realm of possibilities. Me: Yes, yes, I am. =] And then between me and Lunchbox: Me: Yeah. Just reading some very, very funny and weird columns by Grant Morrison over at his website. The title of one is "Heil Photo Sapiens". It's about photographs stealing people's souls. That's how Princess Di died, y'know: death by photograph.=] Lunchbox: Well that is...ummm...well that is to say...anyway Me: Yes, I know: I'm the weird one. Lunchbox: I'm glad we've come to a unified agreement on that one. Me: Damn right and you all love it. I don't know what's with me today, I feel extra weird. Maybe I should write a bit. Lunchbox: Definitely, and if you were ever going to experiment with drugs, not that I would suggest you do wink, wink, but if you ever were to do it on a day you already feel weird then write shit and let us read it while we laugh our asses off. Me: Or piss your pants for a fear of what I might do next. Remember, many drugs take all the inhibitions that a person might have. "No, Chad, please stop!" "Shut up, and eat the knife, yeh little fuck!" Lunchbox: Yeah, well knives are a good source of essential metals and they release blood from the body, which is always fun to watch. Me: “Get 200% of your recommended iron intake today, kiddies!” And a little later on in the conversation . . . Lunchbox: We need this, Chad, we've been beaten and bruised and now one of us has a chance do attain victory and you want to give up NEVER this could be the catalyst that turns the tides my friend and i for one am not quitting!!!!!!!!! Me: Nor am I. I'm trying my best to accomplish both goals and even a victory for myself. It's damn hard, though! The variables are staggering, plus girls’ behaviour is . . . quite illogical and irrational. But, as I said, we've got the best minds on this. His odds of succeeding are up to 26.35253374729%=] Lunchbox: This must succeed, we must prove once and for all that something like this can and will happen, that we are human too! Me: Human? Bah! I am CHEVETT! Lunchbox: Which was spawned from human parents, you have a stake in this to, so don't let your apparent lack of humanity stall you on this, this is a battle which must be won. Me: I know and with the Chevett aiding the fight for geeks every where, we cannot lose. "Chevett crush puny humans! RRRRAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH! CHEVETT SMASH!" [edited out at Lunchbox’s request. Don’t worry, nothing too good.] Me: Done quoting. And I was kidding also (about the Chevett smash). I have as much stake in this battle as any of you. even more so: who amongst us the biggest geek? Lunchbox: That is true, we must be careful however that in the fight against freaks and norms that we do not lose the Captain to the norms, he must achieve the objective and still remain one of us for this to be a true victory. Me: Yes, indeed and that seems to be a losing battle in itself. I believe that I am the only link back to us for him. Lunchbox: Although if he did switch sides, could you blame him, we must also remember that if he does have to switch sides, although it may be a crushing defeat for us it must still be allowed to happen. Me: Never! I do allow defections in my army! You defect and I will shoot you on sight! No one leaves Geek Nation! You Geek nation for life or you are not alive. Just kidding . . . Lunchbox: Seriously though if he makes the transition, it may be hard but we must celebrate his new life. Me: Yes. Lunchbox: Man, this battle is harsh, not only is it the usually man vs woman scenario by we also have the freak vs norm situation to worry about. Me: A battle on two fronts. we need allies! we're a minority inside of a minority inside of a minority! Lunchbox: No kidding, wait a minute, what's the third minority? Me: It's a saying. not meant to be a literal number. I must create a sigil for victory.=] Lunchbox: I suppose due to the severity of the situation i can avoid being grossed out. Me: I wouldn't charge it for a while anyways. I must forget what it means in verbal terms before it can be charged properly. I must see it as the sigil and nothing else. It must predominate my mind's eye. So, give it a week. Lunchbox: Well I suppose that's a little comforting, not that you won't do it between now and then but I can live in my own little world if I want to damnit! Me: I could try another way of charging it, can't I? I've got a jones for fear! The drug of the nineties/zeroes! crazy ass shit that we're all addicted to! Lunchbox: What are you talking about? Me: =] Lunchbox: No, really, what are you talking about? Me: Nothing, everything, the new way, the old way, told you, I'm in a weird mood today. Join Happy Head or die! Join Geek nation or be assimilated! Resistance is much more fun! Lunchbox: Yeah, well, anyways . . . Me: =] Lunchbox: You should get msn messenger. Me: My sisters have it and it's infected their part of the computer! No msn! I will not allow it in my part of the computer! I will die before it happens! Damn computer viruses that don't deleted, but annoy! Lunchbox: Ok . . . Me: Brett will sign out and it will sign BACK IN on it's own. Both my sister's friends list have merged into one and they can't delete people they don't want from their lists. No thanks, I'll stick to just ICQ. Lunchbox: Whatever, I have no problem with it. Me: Check this out. from a comic by Morrison: BALLOON: ‘MY FAVOURITE AD’S THE ONE FOR PORNOPLASM.’ BALLOON: ‘WHEN WE SAY LAPTOP, WE MEAN LAPTOP!’ BALLOON: ‘HE PUTS THE HARD INTO HARD DRIVE, SHE’S THE PERSONAL COMPUTER WHO LIKES TO GET REALLY PERSONAL! Lunchbox: Um, k . . . Me: Can't you see that sometime in the future? Would be so funny, that it would be the signal for killing oneself because there is no hope left for society to improve. Lunchbox: Uh-huh, I see . . . Me: Heh Lunchbox: So, how's stuff? Me: Good, bad, weird. Lunchbox: Yeah, what can I say, the good times are good, and the bad times make you wanna stab yourself in the eye with a rusty screwdriver, so basically make the majority good times. Me: Live each day as if it were your last. Live fast, die, young, leave a good-looking corpse. Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll! Viva la Geek Nation! Lunchbox: Well, I don't know how good looking a corpse with a rusty screwdriver sticking out its eye will be, but I'll try. Me: Rusty screwdriver in the eye? That's what I call sexy!=] Lunchbox: Damn right, I'm beautiful baby, screwdriver or not! Me: You may be beautiful, but I'm dead sexay! [licks index and middle fingers and then rubs left nipples in a clockwise manner, while tongue licks lips in that way that makes everyone just die from stimulus overload] Lunchbox: Yes, well some of us are only human, and others (looks to Chad) aren't even that :-P Me: I am Chevett. I am the next step to the nth power. Worship me for I am god's master and he is my bitch. Watch him lick my left little toe. Lunchbox: Ha, caught you in your own web of lies, everyone knows you have cloven hooves. Me: god's still my bitch "Yeah, kneel down, fucker. Omnipotent, my ass!" Lunchbox: Yeah, well as thrilling as this conversation is, I'm gonna go watch TV. We’re weird, no? ? Viva La Geek Nation! I am the start of this movement. This is where the geeks take control. We are fed up with the way things are and we will make them better. Our target is ignorance and we will stop at nothing to abolish it. This will be a difficult fight, but one that will result in our victory. Maybe not in my lifetime or my children’s lifetime, but eventually, we will triumph. Our first target is Bush. He’s a redneck moron and must be eliminated. I don’t mean killing him, because that would automatically make him one the great Presidents, as far as history goes. I’m talking about destroying him emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I’m talking about exposing him to the world for what he is and the world telling him to fuck off. It’s late and I’m hallucinating about lesbians and cute little bunnies and I’m pissed off. “I want to see people who give a fuck about the world.” I want to make the world a better place, but fear that I cannot do a thing. This column is my method right now of accomplishing my goals, but many of you who read this agree with me, I know. I can only ask that we all join the fight against ignorance and when we see it, crush it. Going to bed. Monday June 4, 2001 One Down, Three To Go Just signed my contract with Twisted Gate Productions for the publishing of After Sol. Now all I have to do is get a slushy machine, a Tetris arcade machine and blow up the world for my life to be complete. Life is fan-fugu-tastic. True Christians I’m getting this Mr. McDonald and it’s some good shit. A true Christian is one who follows the teachings of Jesus as written in the Bible, correct? The a person who has never heard of Jesus, but lives a life like Christ is more of a Christian than someone who claims to be one, but does not live like Christ. Logic people. Know anybody like this? I can think of one: Bush. He’s a god-faring man who likes to blow the shit out of others and fuck up the environment. Not very Christ-like of him. Another one: A Muslim is by definition, someone that adheres to the will of god. Then isn’t any good Jewish or Christian person a Muslim? Flawless logic, folks. Larger Than Life I owe After Sol to the Backstreet Boys. You think that’s weird, how the fuck do you think I feel? A year or so ago I was watching the Backstreet Boys video, “Larger Than Life.” Wonderfully crafted video that any science fiction fan would love for special effects and concepts. The music sucked, the dancing sucked, but the SF was cool. It got me thinking about a SF comic. The next day while board in english, I doodled some sketches, which over time mutated into After Sol. The only thing from those doodles that remains is a man by the name of Captain Gerald Hutchison. Scary, no? Tuesday June 5, 2001 America (Again) On the Wildstorm message board I started a thread about the Superman saying “Truth, justice and the American way.” I asked if the statement implies that truth and justice are not part of the American way. Lunchbox, you know we’ve both made jokes about this. I’ve gotten some nice responses from some patriotic Americans and some morons. One guy had the audacity to suggest that those of who don’t live in the US want to or are trying to make our countries more like it. I told him to fuck off. Okay, in a nice, polite way I said that I don’t want to live in America, never will and told him a few reasons, all of which I’ve said here before. Oh, and from now on it’s spelled “AmeriKKKa.” Personality Disorders Took a test from a link at the Wizard World MB and here are the results: Disorder Rating Information Paranoid: Very High Schizoid: Very High Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: Low Borderline: Low Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Moderate Avoidant: High Dependent: Moderate Obsessive-Compulsive: High If you were scared of me before . . . Wednesday June 6, 2001 More Religion Stuff It’s that Mr. McDonald, he can’t seem to lay off it in religion class. Today we talked about the importance of strike guidelines and rituals in religion. I say fuck ’em both. Spirituality is a personal thing, not to be dictated to you by someone else. I hate the way the Catholic Church has most induction rituals done to people while they are still under the age of 16. Kids don’t know what they’re doing. Mommy says go get confirmed and Junior does it. It’s a punk-ass way of getting members. Some say that if they didn’t do it that way no one would join because of a lack of exposure. I disagree mainly because you can expose them to it all you want, just don’t make them sign up before they can truly think for themselves. Pray, take them to church, whatever, just don’t make them commit. Also, forcing some to do pray and such doesn’t mean shit if they don’t really want to do it. You think whatever god you believe in wants people to say the words and not mean them? Fuck that. Viva La Geek Nation! Pt. 2 Our ranks have grown. The fight continues. Join now before it’s too late and you too are ignorant. Thursday June 7, 2001 Tests Took a bunch of tests at www.thespark.com and here are some results: Surprisingly enough, I’m 85% man. Only Tubby Bitch saw me actually scoring as a guy. I’m destined to have sex three times and the first will be while I’m 18 and in a motel room. So I’m getting some this year. Wah-hoo! And I’ll love one of my three. I’m going to live to be 68 years old. My profile is an artist. I’m an adolescent in their match-maker thing. That means I’m a good guy but I need sex and soon. Message Boards Found out first that the most amount of my readers of this site come from the Marvel Message Boards. Hey, fellow boarders! I’m very disappointed in Wildstorm and Wizard World. On the Wizard World MB there was a thread by a guy whose girlfriend (an 8 out of 10) asked him if he would want to have sex with her and her sister (a 10 out of 10). Most boarders said go for it. I was the first to point out the fact that they’re SISTERS! That’s fucking incest, people. That’s sick and disgusting. This thread led to a discussion between Lunchbox and me. He said it’s not that disgusting because there are no reproductive fluids being swapped between the sisters. It’s sick and wrong. And it turns out it was just a test to see what he would say. He passed. Side note: what do you think most of the topics on the Wizard World general, whatever board involve? Hmm . . . giving lonely fanboys a space to talk about whatever they want. Gee I wonder . . . Tests Pt. 2 Just took an IQ test on the web. Got 164. According to them that falls in the “genius” category. I know internet tests don’t count, but come on, 164! That’s still pretty good, no? Friday June 8, 2001 Crazy Fucking Cat The cat has gone nuts. It’s fucking crazy. I’m scared of it because it’s going to attack me one of these days and scratch out my eyes. Goddamn cat. Tests Pt. 3 Took a celebrity matchmaker test and got Kate Hudson. That’s good, I guess. I also took the bastard test again and tried my best to get the most bastard result and I got 97%. No one has been more of a bastard than that or equal. Oh, and I’m not pregnant. Men Versus Women Today in drama we had a quick argument over who has if the roughest: men or women. Being a man, I’d have to say men. Sure women have pregnancy, their period, make-up and all sorts of other horrible things that suck ass in a big way, no disputing that. But men have to put up with women while they’re dealing with that shit. Women have total control over men, but that’s a rough life, isn’t it? A girl asks something of me and I do it without question almost every time. I have no will power around them, but they have a lot of control around me. Saturday June 9, 2001 More Comic Work I just finished part two of Am I Evil? and sent it to Ray to see if he’d be interested in a part three and he is. Part two should be up here on the site, too. It’s much shorter (content wise, not length), but I think it’s still good. Amnesiac Just got the new Radiohead album at Future Shop for ten bucks. Go get it now, you mindless drones. Get it and listen to the beauty. It’s not quite rock, it’s not quite electrical. It’s a whole new breed of music. If you haven’t seen the video for “Pyramid Song” yet, go to your TV and watch Much Music or MTV or whatever until you do. It’s wonderfully done in CGI and you’ll thank me later. And go pick up Amnesiac while you’re at it. If you live in Canada or near a Future Shop, go get it for ten bucks (until the 12th and then it reverts back to $22). You’ll thank me for that, too.