Last week it snowed. No big deal. We usually get a bit of snow around this time of year. It didn't even snow for that long, 2 hours tops. For some reason, however, the most farcical traffic situation ever in the history of this or any other universe soon ensued.

Cars were sliding everywhere. Lorries were overturning. The entire road system in my town, and the two closest cities was entirely gridlocked, and that's the way it stayed from 4 O'Clock until midnight in some places. My brother left work at 4. By 6 he had not even reached the end of the road leading away from the factory. After a further half-hour of waiting, he decided to leave his car and walk home.

Elsewhere, the story was much the same. Cars were just being abandoned at the side of the road. The traffic wasn't moving, so people were walking. In the morning many people faced a big fat insult in the form of a parking ticket and £20 fine.

So what the hell happened? We normally have snow, why the fuck was every driving like americans all of a sudden (and before you all complain, I don't give a fuck about the way I completely generalised in that sentence. You all suck. For fuck's sake, you can't even handle manual transmission) ? Why were the roads so damned covered with ice?

OK, first things first. People in my town are generally lousy drivers. They cruise around at speeds exceeding what is legal and sensible. They see it all as a big race. "Fuck you! I'm pulling out now, fuck off!" etc. etc. When the snow came, instead of being sensible, slowing down and actually REMEMBERING WHAT YOU NEEDED TO KNOW TO PASS YOUR TEST, the average driver decided to carry on travelling at normal (read: high) speeds, and slam the brakes on to slow down. Result: No traction what so ever. (for those of you screaming "well how the fuck do you slow down without using your brakes?" it's easy. you keep your speed low, your revs low, and shift down a gear. It's called "engine braking" and is not recommended as a general practise, as it will fuck your engine up if you do it all the time. Oh, and you can't do it in automatics, because they're SHIT). So there's cars going too fast, trying to stop,m failing miserably, crashing, turning over, causing hold ups etc. etc.

Even that though is slightly forgivable when we look at why the fuck the roads were in such a diabolical state in the first place. Enter Rugby Borough Council (and Coventry city council, and Birmingham city council). These are the guys responsible for keeping the roads spick and span. These are the guys who regularly annoy people by driving around big fat trucks full of salt, spraying it indiscriminantly all over the place. Why? Because salt melts ice. And if it's gonna be icy, a ton of salt on the roads will make sure that they're still reasonably safe to drive in.

For some reason, the council thought it would be a good idea NOT to take these trucks out on this particular occasion. The cold snap had been predicted days in advance. They knew it was going to snow. And they thought... Nah, it'll be OK. Ahnd then the snow came, and the ice, and the carnage, and they must be thinking, whoops. But still they claimed it wasn't their fault. "It rained earlier, and that would have washed the salt away." OK, maybe, but guess what guys, the rain fucking stopped before the snow started. You could have gone out then you retards. But no, they'll keep claiming it's not their fault. Because no fucker ever accepts responsibility for anything anymore. Just fucking admit it, you fucked up. It's your fault. But they never will. Because these are major league arseholes.

Yes, they are complete and utter cunts. Not content with fucking up everyone's evenings (and also delaying a certain D&D game by 2 damned weeks), they decided to go round and slap parking tickets on all the poor saps' cars who couldn't be bothered to freeze their nads off waiting to get home from work. Like I said, major league arseholes.

But even now, there's a way all of this could have been prevented, even taking into account the arsehole-ness of the West Midlands combined councils. If there were less fucking cars on the road, there's be less fucking traffic problems. I look at all the cars going to and from work in the mornings and evenings. something in the region of 90% of these cars have a single person in them (and most of those cars are BIG cars). 1 person in a car designed to hold 4 comfortably. I'll bet that most of these people are going to and from the same general areas, but the thought of SHARING A FUCKING CAR, or God forbid, TAKING A FUCKING BUS just never occurs to them does it? I used to work at a place where two people would drive seperate cars to work in the morning and home again at night EVEN THOUGH THEY LIVED TOGETHER. It's just plain retarded.

And so it would appear that the only person in this entire farce that actually is entirely free from guilt is me. But I've still got to wait another week before I can play my fucking D&D game.


Lesson 1: Don't drive like a cunt.
Lesson 2: Do your fucking job properly
Lesson 3: Take some fucking responsibility for your actions
Lesson 4: Try alternative forms of transport, like the bus, bicycles, or even sharing a fucking car.


Fucking cars.