What's the fucking point in smoking?

I mean seriously, where is the upside? I can understand the attraction to Heroin, Cocaine, Speed etc. Sure, they might give you psychosis, leave you sucking on a quack-candle and throwing your entire life away, but at least they make you feel like being wrapped in cotton wool, like your God, or like the rest of the world is moving in slow motion. At least they have an upside.

Where's the upside with cigarettes? Let's take a look shall we?

1. They stink. I mean, they don't just smell, they fucking stink. And they make you stink, and they make your house stink, your clothes, your hair, In fact, anything near you will fucking stink. But you won't notice it because...

2. Your senses will get dulled. You'll lose your sense of smell and your sense of taste. Thinks that used to taste tangy will lose their flavour. Things that used to smell pungent will now not really smell that much at all. You'll find yourself piling on the ketchup just so you have something to taste when you eat.

3. They cost a ridiculous sum of money. Let's see, Four Pounds on average for a pack of 20 fags. Some people get through twice that in a day. but let's say 20 a day, comes to 28 quid a week. That's about one and a half fucking grand a year on fucking fags.

4. They make you cough and make you sound like Bryan Adams. Now I'm sure some women may find a gravelly, manly voice appealing in a man. But I don't think many men find a gravelly, manly voice appealing in a woman. And constant wretching, coughing your fucking lungs up in the morning is not really appealing to the fucking smokers themselves.

5. They kill you. This is the best. If you smoke, you will get lung cancer, and you will die. It's a well known fact. Now, most smokers who contract cancer say "You never think it'll happen to you." This is because they are fucking stupid. In huge letters on every pack of cigarettes is a big black-and-white message that says "SMOKING CAUSES CANCER", or "SMOKING CAUSES FATAL LUNG DISEASE", or "SMOKING LEADS TO A SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH", or the most blatantly obvious, "SMOKING KILLS". And they never thought it would happen to them? Proof that they're fucking morons.


OK, so what's the upside? Well, the first few cigarettes you smoke will make you feel light headed for a few seconds after each drag. After a few days, your body gets accustomed to it and they do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. If you want to feel light headed in a slightly less dangerous way, try holding your breath for as long as possible. I held my breath for well over a minute once, and nearly passed out. It was "great".


Why the big tirade against smoking? Because it pisses me off when I see fucking idiots (16 year old girls, usually) throwing their lives away in an attempt to look "cool". Not that I'm concerned for their lives of course. The more dead fucking idiots the better. No, it's the thought of the many people who have made a fortune from tobacco companies, marketing them as "cool", increasing nicotine levels to maintain addictions, ripping off tobacco farmers, WASTING OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES SO THAT THEY CAN GET MORE FUCKING MONEY.

Someone once sang "Money makes the world go round." That's not true. Blood, sweat and tears make the world go round. Money only exists so that pointless fucking humans can get fat ruining the lives of people who work themselves to the bone everyday in pursuit of the one thing that will allow them to get fat ruining other people's lives. And so it goes on, and on and fucking on, because we're such a backwards fucking society that we can't stand to see other people better off than us, and the thought of helping other people out and expecting nothing in return is a concept so alien it never even crosses the minds of most people.

Money doesn't make the world go round. Money makes me want to fucking kill a great many people.


If you smoke, just fucking stop it, because you're a fucking idiot. If you care about money more than anything else then put a gun to your head and blow your fucking brains out, because you are fucking useless.