I want you to think back to your childhood. Think back to your first few days in school. Think about what you looked like. Small. Alone, tinged with fear.

OK. Now skip forward a few years to your first few days in high school. You've grown up a bit. But mother nature is a bitch and your face looks like vesuvius on a bad day. But try not to think to much on that. Think about the differences between the two schools. Think how much changed. Think about the differences between the two people you once were. Think how much has changed.

What was the point of all that then? Well, first, it was to get your brain in gear so that you would be more able to absorb this week's lesson. Second, it was to lay the background to this week's lesson, which is that ALL things change, and only change is constant.

Change is vital to the survival of anything. Without change, the world grows stagnant, there is no new design, no genius, no advancement. Apparently, somebody forgot to tell this to the British government. Almost every country within the European Community switched their currency over to the Euro at the beginning of this year. The idea behind it is that if there is a single currency for the european state, it will make transactions so much easier - tourists or businesspersons travelling to various countries would not have to get their currency changed, would not have to worry about price conversions, and would generally have an easier life. And it seems to be doing its job.

I do not have first hand experience of using the Euro, because as you might have guessed, 'Great' Britain has decided to not switch her currency over, and instead has decided to 'watch what happens' with the other countries. Considering we are supposed to be a member of the European Community, this is a bit of a shit move. "Yeah, yeah, we'll join your club, but we're not gonna actually DO anything that the club wants us to do, unless we're sure it's not gonna upset this fragile fucking balance we think we have."

Now, the Government thinks it can get away with all this, because the Euro is supposedly legal tender in this country alongside the pound. OK, any of you readers in the UK, I want you to get sokme Euros and go shopping in your nearest small village off-license. See if they take your money. Maybe they will, in which case they are better than the Houses of Parliament, and Buckingham Palace. These MAJOR tourist attractions have banned the euro from being used. They will not accept the Euro as a means of payment. This is laughable, when you consider that most european visitors will spend a fortune in these places. Also, as it has been ruled in parliament that the Euro is legal tender, it is also illegal to refuse it as a form of payment. So there you go. the Queen and the Government are breaking the law. 

It is this same mentality that requires judges in Britain to wear silly wigs, the royal palace guard to wear ridiculous bear skin hats, and other governmental bodies perform preposterous 'traditional ceremonies' which serve absolutely no purpose other than making the participants look foolish, and attracting thousands of people from all over the world to watch and say to their kids "Look! Look, Pierre! See the funny man!"

Hello, Tony Blair! Britain is no longer the globe spanning empire it once was. Things have CHANGED (yes, I know how much you hate change). Please, please realise that some things may be good for our country, even if we didn't invent them.

So next time you're about to order 'the usual' at the bar, or going to get that pizza that you always get, remember that without change, nothing can exist. By ordering a different drink/meal/sexual encounter, you are directly contributing to maintaining the balance of the universe.

Change is unavoidable. Change is the ONLY constant. Embrace change, and your life will become FAR more exciting.

(also, long time readers of my column will notice a very slight change to the column. If ANY of you can spot what it is, there's a prize in it. Email me (authorised@baphomett.demon.co.uk) with what you think the answer is (and no, it isn't 'there were no competitions in previous editions), and complete this sentance in 25 words or less: "My life was empty until...")