Welcome once again to my sermon on the way the world should be. I'm changing tack slightly; this is the first of a multi-part column on Idiocy. For the next few weeks I shall be invesigating various types of idiocy, starting today with that all pervasive form, internet idiocy. We all use the Internet. (I sincerely hope so, anyway, I don't particularly like the thought of you lot breaking into my house just to read my columns...) A great many of us use internet chat rooms and message boards. In a fit of boredom, I posted a rather confrontational message about Star Wars in the Millarworld message board. I did almost immediately back up my "Star Wars Sucks" claim with a good, well balanced view of why I don't like it, why I don't like the culture associated with it etc. I also stated quite clearly that this was merely my personal opinion, and everyone is entitled to theirs. In fact, if people change their opinions to whatever I say without even conducting their own investigation, I lose every bit of respect for them I ever held. Anyway, at work, I got a message on Trillian. I saved a transcript and present it here for you with annotations. Names would have been changed to protect the innocent, but we're both guilty, so no need. the_terror20012001: what's your beef with star wars? Authorised_187: it sucks :) [jokey intro here. I wasn't looking for a length discussion] the_terror20012001: ........right..... the_terror20012001: well, you are entitled to your opinion, however wrong i might think you are Authorised_187: dude, it's not that the movies are really terrible. They're just not that good. But al these 30 year old arseholes go on like they're wonderful. They're fucking Kids movies for god's sake. the_terror20012001: so what? the_terror20012001: yes, they are kids movies, that's what they were INTENDED to be the_terror20012001: just because it's a fairy tale doesn't automatically mean it's shite Authorised_187: so it's really stupid to discuss things so ridiculously in-depth when it's not even intended for the 30-something fat bastards that wank on about them all the tikme the_terror20012001: no it isn' the_terror20012001: just because we aren't kids NOW doesn't mean we weren't ever [A valid point here, but there are better forms of nostalgic escapism in my mind. Still, nothing too bad about the discussion as yet] the_terror20012001: what's wonderful about them is that they make you feel like a kid again Authorised_187: No, it's shite because it's poorly directed, with a weak storyline, and the recent films have merely been marketing tools the_terror20012001: the recent films aren't too good no Authorised_187: I don't want to watch Kids films now though. I need more intellectually stimulating material. [This is not me trying to sound like I'm more intelligent or whatever. I am simply stating fact. I prefer intellectually stimulating material to mindless 'emntertainment'] the_terror20012001: but the first three were brilliantly directed Authorised_187: that's just it. They weren't the_terror20012001: no, i'm sorry, you're wrong, man. [This is where things start to go down-hill, rapidly descending into the depths of idiotic sycophancy] Authorised_187: There were no really impressive camera angles. the_terror20012001: they redefined how directors approached film Authorised_187: just a bit of panning and a lot of band slides Authorised_187: Oh don't talk shit the_terror20012001: i'm not the_terror20012001: lucas was years ahead of anyone else in his special effects the_terror20012001: kubrick being the one man comparable to him at the time the_terror20012001: lucas can't write, you're right about that Authorised_187: That's just it. people measure quality by the amount of special effects present. That's just pure nonsense [And it is. One of the best movies I've ever seen, Pi, had no special effects at all and was shot entirely in black and white. People don't know about that movie though, because they haven't seen ridiculous STX-laden trailers] the_terror20012001: but he was a visionary Authorised_187: ha!!!! Authorised_187: visionary my ass. There was Sci-Fi before Lucas. the_terror20012001: yes, there was the_terror20012001: there was sci fi before lucas Authorised_187: and so what was Lucas' great vision? the_terror20012001: i don't know where you got my saying there wasn't from my argument the_terror20012001: visionary doesn't mean he's the FIRST guy to do sci fi! Authorised_187: That we'd all go out and buy sub standard action figures for greatly inflated prices? the_terror20012001: action figures? the_terror20012001: what the fuck does action figures have to do with this? [I was referring to the obious use of Star Wars as a marketing tool in recent years. Guess that slipped him by] Authorised_187: No, but it means that he was the 'defining' authority on Sci fi, which is, quite simply, bollocks the_terror20012001: there were no space fight scenes before lucas, the amount of detail put into alien spacecraft, alien life, alien culture was not there before lucas [Hmmmmm..... Battlestar Galactica? This Island Earth? Star Trek? No space battles indeed.] the_terror20012001: you are in a very small minority in that opinion [meaning, supposedly, that a very small amount of people actually judge Lucas based on his talent, as opposed to his silly 'cult' that has arisen] Authorised_187: Lucas didn't put the detail into the alien culture. Other writers did. Authorised_187: Specifically Alan-Dean Foster, a Sci-Fi master the_terror20012001: it's not WRITTEN the_terror20012001: it's visual the_terror20012001: VISUAL [Good lord. Does this guy think that directors simply get to the location and start filming, with no background information on what they're actually going to be filming? Of course it's written.] Authorised_187: Alien culture etc is background information, which is written, my friend. the_terror20012001: no, no it isn't the_terror20012001: lucas designed every damn spacecraft, oversaw every sketch of every costume [That's right. It's imagined. It's remembered. It's implanted into their minds. I don't know.] Authorised_187: You think there was a big fan-boy movement back in 1977? the_terror20012001: a what? Authorised_187: people didn't care about that back then. the_terror20012001: hahahahha the_terror20012001: you're wrong the_terror20012001: people did the_terror20012001: my parents lived during that time Authorised_187: woo. so did mine. the_terror20012001: so i know whether or not people cared about it back then [interesting theory. I know nothing about the 50's (when my dad grew up) or the 70's (when my mum grew up) apart from what I have read. This guy must have some kind of in-built racial knowledge trait. Sond's like someting out of a science fiction movie. A good one, mind.] the_terror20012001: don't tell me people didn't Authorised_187: I mean the general population. They thought "That was quite good". They didn't think "Oh! I must get the technical specification if the Twin Ion Engine Fighter!!!" the_terror20012001: no, of course not the_terror20012001: but this movie changed cinema the_terror20012001: this movie changed peoples lives [I laugh out load at this point. It changed the world! Yes it did!] Authorised_187: hahahaha!!!!!!!! the_terror20012001: my cousin became a director because of star wars Authorised_187: listen to yourself! You make it out to be some world-defining moment! the_terror20012001: yes, yes i do Authorised_187: Jesus Christ? Who's he? I only care about GEORGE LUCAS!!! [That's the kind of mentality I have to deal with on a daily basis] the_terror20012001: no, that's not true karl Authorised_187: Bear in mind that all the Star Wars films that Lucas wrote and directed have been poor. Episodes 1, 2 and 4. Decidedly average. the_terror20012001: i don't know why you're so angry Authorised_187: Empire is widely regarded as being the best. Authorised_187: I'm not angry. I find it funny. the_terror20012001: you're very angry the_terror20012001: it's sad that you have so much aggression towards a movie Authorised_187: That's the annoying thing about text. It can't convey emotions or sarcasm properly. the_terror20012001: i know much about that myself the_terror20012001: you may find it funny, but star wars changed peoples lives the_terror20012001: laugh at that if you will the_terror20012001: but it's true the_terror20012001: regardless of your insensitivity Authorised_187: Dude, Star Wars was my favourite movie for so long. I know so much about it. I just moved on. I find it funny when people say it's wonderful without any balanced arguments. the_terror20012001: people are entitled to their opinions the_terror20012001: star wars isn't the greatest cinematic triump of all time the_terror20012001: it isn't the best story ever the_terror20012001: but people still love it [Here we have a large slice of idiocy served for your delectation. In four lines, this guy sums up what I have been trying to convey throughout the entire discussion, contradicting himself in the process. He then goes on to ignore these four lines and start talking shit again.] Authorised_187: That's exactly what I'm saying. The films aren't that bad. But they're not that good either. And people go on like it's the best thing the human race has ever produced Authorised_187: Besides, when have I ever said that people are not entitled to their own opinions? Without that, what's the point in discussing anythig? the_terror20012001: because they see something beyond the quality of the script the_terror20012001: you don't the_terror20012001: they see a magic to it, whether it's there or not doesn't matter the_terror20012001: you laugh and ridicule them Authorised_187: I laugh and ridicule everyone. Authorised_187: including myself the_terror20012001: then you're a very sad person the_terror20012001: and i pity you Authorised_187: no, see, I'm a happy person. Authorised_187: If you can't laugh, especially at yourself, what can you do? the_terror20012001: move on the_terror20012001: accept things Authorised_187: Besides, I like plenty of shit things that other people hate. the_terror20012001: exactly the_terror20012001: that's what's so sad Authorised_187: I don't see your angle. the_terror20012001: you don't hate it because it's a terrible movie the_terror20012001: you hate it because other people like it the_terror20012001: and that is just sad [Nothing like an ill-informed generalisation to really piss me off, is there?] Authorised_187: No, that's not it. the_terror20012001: it certainly seems that way Authorised_187: If I hated stuff just because other people liked it, then I'd be one sad bastard. the_terror20012001: exactly my point Authorised_187: I wouldn't like anything, unless it was shit. Authorised_187: See, you're not seeing my point. the_terror20012001: then you aren't making it clear Authorised_187: Then you're not looking hard enough the_terror20012001: ......touche....i guess.... the_terror20012001: all i see is that you laugh at people because they like a movie the_terror20012001: and that's pretty sad [I laugh at everyone because they're not me, actually. Then I laugh at myself more, for being me.] Authorised_187: My god. do you EVER laugh? the_terror20012001: all. the. time. Authorised_187: I bet. I'm reminded of a bit from "The Last Starfighter": 'ho ho ho, Mr. Serioso!' the_terror20012001: you obviously know very little about me. [Why would I know anything about him? And what difference would it make anyway?] the_terror20012001: i'll be honest with you the_terror20012001: i'm not laughing because i'm pretty pissed off Authorised_187: go on. the_terror20012001: i absolutely hate it when jackasses go out of there way to insult and ridicule things just because other people like them, especially when kids like them the_terror20012001: people have every right to love movies, to consider them to be greater than the medium in which they are presented the_terror20012001: infact, i think people need that the_terror20012001: it's healthy [Ever heard one of your dad's old 45's with a scratch in it, you know that bit where it gets stuck... "Ain't nothing but a hound dog, cying all the time-the time-the time-the time etc. etc.] Authorised_187: my god. you're stuck in a time loop or something. I have constructed balanced arguments as to why I don't like star wars. I have said that it's fine if people Genuinely enjoy the movies. I have never said "You must all have exactly the same opinion as me, no matter what happens" the_terror20012001: i know that the_terror20012001: but you laugh at them the_terror20012001: and you say "this sucks" the_terror20012001: you're perfectly entitled to do that the_terror20012001: i just don't have to like it the_terror20012001: star wars doesn't hurt anyone, neither does pokemon or harry potter or whatever the fuck kids like these days the_terror20012001: and i think people should cut kids some slack the_terror20012001: and if that means spare the 30 year old hairy smelly fanboys, so be it Authorised_187: so what exactly is your point? Authorised_187: Did you actually read any of my posts? I never EVER, not once, said that "Everyone who likes Star Wars should die." In fact, I was denounced as a 'heretic' when I said I didn't like it the_terror20012001: my point? just letting you know where i come from Authorised_187: I come from Rugby, england. the_terror20012001: that's.....funny? the_terror20012001: or you just not familiar with the term? Authorised_187: I was joking, mate. [And here comes the biggest slice of Idiocy, delivered with such wonderful lack of finesse] the_terror20012001: i didn't read a single post Authorised_187: you'd never have guessed the_terror20012001: star wars is pretty basic in it's approach, storywise it has nothing original or never before seen, but it didn't try to the_terror20012001: it tried to take every fairy tale, every epic, every love story, whathaveyou, and combine it Authorised_187: If you didn't read any of my posts, why did you start this conversation? the_terror20012001: somebody told me you were bashing star wars at millarworld Authorised_187: and so you leapt into action without consulting the facts? Authorised_187: How American of you! Authorised_187: Why not read what I actually wrote, instead of charging in, all guns blazing? Authorised_187: you'll find that you have possibly got the wrong end of the stick. the_terror20012001: a)leap into action wasn't what i was doing, i wanted to talk about star wars, that's all [I am still reeling at the sheer stupidity of it all, and then he comes out with this:] the_terror20012001: b)how dare you call me american.....even though i am one Authorised_187: ha! the_terror20012001: c)i wouldn't touch that piece of shit of a forum with a ten foot pole [Another lie. He posts there regularly. Under a different name.] Authorised_187: I sense a mod may have pissed on your fire. It went on, but the rest was rather irrelevant. Highlighted above is one of the biggest causes of idiocy on the internet: The tendency to leap to someone or something's defense, without properly consulting the facts, or even assessing the situation. People seem to get explicitly confrontational, for the simple fact that they have, essentially, no face, so they can blast away without fear of repercussions. They can insult who the hell they like and never actually come to blows. Maybe the above analysis says something about the human mentality that exists beneath out facade of tolerance. I know not everyone is like that, but there is still an alarming nu,mber of people who are. This worrying intolerance is all the more worse when the person concerned is not using the internet, but rather is openly hostile all the time. This will be discussed in next week's column, when I will be discussing Nationalistic/Patriotic Idiocy. In the meantime, you all need to get more tolerant. Someone insults you, or something you like, let it go. Don't try to out-insult them or anything like that. Just let it pass you by. And if the Internet constantly bogs you down with intolerant Idiots, switch it off and go for a walk. The real world's far more exciting anyway.