This week I did something that I am not proud of. I can only just bring myself to write this account. I certainly won't EVER do it again. I went to see Andrew W.K. live in concert.

Understand that the only reason I attended this cacophonous farce was because I was on the guest list, meaning it cost me nothing, and the venue was none other than De Montfort Student Union, not 10 minutes walk from my house. In hind-sight, I think that not even these two factors can justify ANYONE showing up. But this column is not a place people come to laugh at my misfortune, it is a place where people come to learn from my experience. So where's the lesson?

There are many points I can make about Andrew W.K, but I will come to those later. Firstly I want to talk about the support band, Lost Prophets, and also the attitude of the 'fans' in the crowd.

Lost Prophets started out from Wales in 1998/99. They didn'y have a particularly fresh sound, and many of their songs were very similar to each other. In short, they were nothing special. However, their stage performance was absolutely electric. The sheer energy these guys expelled onstage was intoxicating. In short, the music wasn't fantastic, but it certainly had a good beat, and boy, it got you moving!

Now then, a couple of years and a couple of albums down the line and the Prophets' recording company are thinking, how can we get more cash... Ahhh, I know, we can cash in on this 'nu-metal' scene that's popular in America. All wee need is a band that's willing to forget their music and their message in exchange for a wad of cash. All we need is a band that is willing to sell out.

And so, Lost Prophets re-recorded their first album WITH AMERICAN ACCENTS so that it would sell state-side. It worked. Lost Prophets are now Gained Profits. Anyone that knows me, and indeed regular readers of Cataract Resin will know how much I hate selling out. I hate it when messgaes are forgotten in the face of the almighty Cha-Ching! But, I was willing to let this one go and enjoy the show - After all, I'd seen the Prophets 5 times before they sold out, and they were fantastic. They were certainly good, but something of that electric stage presence was lost this time round. Nevertheless, I still had a good time...

Until the end of their set. Now, understand that this is rather aggressive music they're piping, and people are going to want to dance. I dance instead of drinking/smoking/whatever, so I REALLY wanna dance. I've been to metal gigs before. I know what a mosh pit is. I know it can get pretty hairy at times, but I also know it's one of those things you have to deal with. There's a Buck's Fizz song that goes "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. If you can't stand the cold, don't sleep on the floor." So, I know that if I want to dance, I may well get an elbow in the face occasionally, but I'm OK with that.

So picture this. All through the set, I feel someone pushing me from behind. Fair enough, I'm in the mosh pit after all, this stuff happens. I hold my ground as much as possible. My suspicions are aroused when I'm pushed in-between songs. Then, after the final song (Shinobi Vs. Dragonninja, surprise surprise), some girl behind me, who can't be much more than sixteen years old (bear in mind this place has a 'strict' over-eighteens only policy) says to me:

"You nearly killed my friend!" Taken aback I look across and see her equally underage friend. I respond:

"Sorry, but how the FUCK did I nearly kill her? Exaggerating a little, are we not?"

"You trampled on her!"

"I trampled on no-one. Besides, this is the mosh pit. If you want to stand and watch, go the balcony. Don't just stand here and expect not to get hurt."

And this is the best bit, she turns round to me and says:

"Jeez, don't have an attitude."

"Me have an attitude? You're the ones claiming I'm an attempted murderer. You're the ones kicking up a stink because you got hurt due to the fact that you were STANDING IN THE MOSH PIT."

It made me think back to a time a couple of years before, when someone at a Silverchair gig had asked me to 'stop moving' in the middle of the mosh pit, during their most mental song, 'Madman'. And I realised that this fucking attitude is a recurring theme throughout 'young' (meaning underage) concert goers. There is no sense of community as there was in years previous. There is only much hate, due I think in no small part to the influence of countless poor 'nu-metal' bands like Slipknot, Limp Bizkit and their ilk, consisting largely of 30 something grown men singing about teenage angst, and how they hate the world and everyone in it. And you know what? Their attitude is fucking shit, but these kids swallow it whole, and adopt the same fucking shit attitude.Add to this the fact that their songs and albums are entirely devoid of any music, and you start to think 'What a bunch of angry young men'.

So that got me vexed, even before Andrew W.K. came on.

Let me tell you about the mystery of Andrew W.K. When he released 'Party Hard' not that long back, The UK music press went absolutely bananas. "The future of Metal" touts NME, Metal Hammer and a slew of other publications. MTV-2 plays Party Hard on their 'Most Wanted' chart for weeks. Why? Because nobody liked him. Hardly anyone bought his single OR his album. Most people agree he sonds like the bastard son of Chumbawumba and Slade. So what gives? Well, it seems quite clear what has happened. Mr. W.K's recording company has said to the UK music press "Hi! Here's a big fat wad of cash, which you can have, if you say how bwilliant (Timmy Mallet fans will know how to pronounce that) Andrew W.K. is!" and the UK music press has said "Yes, yes, give us the money, we suck Satan's cock" (my apologies to Bill Hicks).

I want you all to watch Andrew W.K.'s 'Party Hard' and 'She's So Beautiful' videos and look at the filthy clothes he's wearing. You'll nothice that not only do the songs sound exactly the same, but his clothes are also EXACTLY THE SAME. Factor in his greasy hair and complete lack of bodily hygeine, and you realise he's not even fit to run a kebab shop.

For many years, rock and metal music has had a stigma attached to it. After the horrendous 80's, consisting mainly of Iron Maiden, Bon Jovi, Megadeth and their hair (which only just fit in), this was the era of cock-rock. Guitars were penis extensions - the lengthy guitar solos were nothing other than musical masturbation. All through the 90's, Rock and Metal struggled to gain credibility. Towards the end, it was starting to be seen as a viable music alternative once again (OK, I'm certainly not a fan of nu-metal, but at least people take me more seriously because of it), and although most of it was (sell-out) nu-metal, this often formed the springboard to lead people onto better things, like Industrial music. Then came Andrew W.K. and destroyed all hope of ever being taken seriously again. Idiots in the street see me and shout 'Party Hard' or some other witty comment. People think my friends and I like shit music now, just because we have long hair (If they knew the truth, they'd be shocked - classical, dance, rave, techno, drum and bass - we like all sorts). And the more good press he gets, the more it will encourage him.

I didn't see all of Andrew W.K's set. I didn't need to. The five songs I saw may as well have been the same song played five times. And yes, he was wearing those same filthy clothes. My friend Phil and I managed to fit the line "We do what we like and we like what we do" as it appears in 'Party Hard' into every single song, without even trying, because the songs are ALL THE FUCKING SAME. What is the point? Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

So, there are many lessons to be learned from my mistakes. Don't lose your message, simply because you'd get more money giving a different message. It's happened to many people, and I instantly lose respect for those people when it happens - a good message is more important than any amount of money.

Don't accept money in return for spreading a bad message. The more shit you talk, the less people will believe you.

Don't be outwardly hostile to all and sundry just because it's 'cool' to do so. Have respect for other people and understand that no matter who you are, where you're from or what you've done, you're never going to be number one, there's always going to be people worse than you, and there's always going to be people better than you. One friend is worth more than a thousand enemies.

Don't wear the same clothes day in, day out, sing songs that are all the same, and look like a greasy ex-kebab shop owner. For Christ's sake, take pride in your appearance.

But above all, and I'd like to stress this more than anything else, the most important lesson to be learned is:

[Chad, stick the next line in a big font, could you? Oh, and cut this line out, obviously]

DO NOT GO TO SEE ANDREW W.K. LIVE IN CONCERT!!!!!